Lil Irish Punk Rock PrincessRIP Dirty Chris's blog: "stories about me"

I'm lost in this empty place searching for what once was me hope that I can remove this mask but yet fearing what you might see If I hide away all I once was Will I ever know who I'm not Can I ever feel love for anyone If love I truely sought

I'm sorry if I haven't responded to something that you wrote or if I'm not on here as much...I haven't really been in a lost cherry mood... so, an update, California was a lot of fun...I'm really happy that I sucked it up and went out to see Justin, he's always a good friend, a pro at cheering me up, getting my mind of things and reminding me that I rock and people are stupid. I got some not so great news when I got of the plane coming home though. My great grandpa died...there was a viewing last wednesday...which sucked because I didn't know if was a viewing until I got there. For those you that don't know what a viewing is, it's when they lay the body out so that you can see it one last time before they are cremated. I'm not a big fan of viewings. It makes me really upset to see someone that I had great memories of alive, dead. It becomes the last thing I remember, and I hate that. And I got sucked into going to one. The worst part it, I haven't got all my crying out. I've been holding it back so much to be strong for everyone else that now I just can't cry. And I really want to. Well, after the viewing, I ended up getting sick with whatever my little sister had. This entailed throwing up everything that I ate or drank, including water, for two days and I'm still feeling really weak, getting dizzy spells, etc, but I can't afford to go to the doctor right now. And I have to work again today, had a 9 hour shift yesterday, and I tired, and I feel like hell, I'm just not having a very good year. I think I'll just erase this year from my memory. I'd be good with that.

The few months feel like a blur. I think that for once in my life I can honestly say I wasted a lot of time. It will just be another cut out in the calender of my life. A section that I can pretend didn't exist, and maybe I can get my life back on track and normalized. I'm hoping to be moving in the spring. It will be good for me. Because when I'm here, in this town, I feel like I'm stuck in this black hole. That's what Battle Ground is, a place people go to waste their lives. People amaze me, and not in a good way. I don't know why I try to make an effort at something that obviously means nothing now to anyone except me. And boys are still stupid...

Thank you to everyone who wished my a happy birthday. I love you guys. You really are a great group of people. You made my birthday a pretty damn good day.

Show me lots of love! I'm 22 now!

I just wanted to thank everyone that gave me love yesterday. I really needed it. I'm feeling only a little better unfortunatly. And I have to work the next four days until I leave for Massachusetts, which isn't going to help with the feeling better before I go. But I hope I'm not sick when I go down there. That would really suck. Anywho, love y'all. Wish me better.

Okay everyone, i'm sick as a dog today, so love me, i need it. Hope everyone has a good day, but I have to go and lay down now. Feeling dizzy, maybe I'll take a shower, i don't know, i just don't wanna be sick anymore. Bah...

So, I might not be on here much today. I'm attempting to get someone to take me to the hospital. I'm a dork and kicked my own ass. I tripped a couple of times and fell, ribs first, into a wooden chair that my friend has in her room. Hope I'm not hurt too badly, but I'll keep everyone updated. ***UPDATE*** So, I have a appt. set up for tomorrow to see if I broke anything. Working tonight, which is going to suck because the pain is starting to make me feel sick to my stomach. Send me lots of love to make me feel better. That would rock my socks. ***YET ANOTHER UPDATE*** So, the rib is fractured. It's the 10th or 11th rib on my right side. Tbe fracture is close to the sternum. I have to wear a rib brace and they have me on pain pills. Woohoo for my first broken bone...

So, most people ask me about my tattoo, and why the clover is pink. Here it goes... I use to kinda live in an apartment with a girl named Daphne. Taylor also kinda lived there and Alan hung out there a bit and a few others. We had a awesome party and after a night of drinking and such, Taylor, Daphne, Alan, and I were sitting on the floor and I realized I had a extra 100 bucks... So I wanted to get my first tattoo.. Now, Taylor had been talking about how he wanted to get a clover, which led to me wanted to get a tattoo, but I didn't know what to get... see where this is going... Daphne wanted a tattoo, Tay wanted to clover and it was his idea, and Alan wanted to get inked too (even though he really wasn't supposed to before going into the coast gaurd)... But a 100 bucks don't buy 4 tattoos... So, we went door to door collecting cans, and after a lot of doors, cans and collecting we had another 120ish dollors, 20 for gas and 100 for the other two, We ended up going to a tattoo parlor called Captian Jack's (that's right, and they were awesome, I would highly recommend them) They liked the idea so much that we got the minimum, 50 dollars each, fricking perfect. I'll never regret getting my clover and I'll never forget the fun because I have a reminder of it for the rest of my life.