Stimulus Package Explained
"Sometime this
year, taxpayers will receive an EconomicStimulus Payment. This is a very
exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.
"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the
Chinese.
"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus
stimulating the economy.
"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
"A. Shut up."
Below is some
helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus
check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, and
Guatemala.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need tokeep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending
it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer(domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the
US.
