Dear Amy,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're mean. I think I realized it hen we skinny dipped in the bathtub outside of your office and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand hat your driving sucks. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep my common sense as a memory. You should also know that I was interviewed about the car you stole and you ruined my attempts at another world war.
Greetings to your frog Leonard,
Lewis
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Here's how it works.
Dear ,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).
(12),
(Your name)
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Grey- Our socks don't match
Green - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other -
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When you smacked my ass
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I quoted Forest Gump
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When u finally changed ur underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna-In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Carve your initials into
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Put whipped cream on
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons-Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - vexed
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - Slutty
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exsist
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
Red - Your toe ring
Yellow - The cut toenails
Grey - Your Hannah Montanna underwear
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
White - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink(ish) - Your love letters to me
Other - The pictures from Vegas
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/N- Your mom
C/X - Your glass eye
E/V - Your neighbour’s dog
G/T - The oil tank from your car
I/R - Your left ear
K/P - The results of that blood-sample
M/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
O/L - My common sense
S/H - My virginity
U/F - Your criminal record
W/J – Your sucide note
Y/B - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/Z - Haven’t showered in a month
C/X - Always will remember the pep talks
E/V - am better off without you
G/T – Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
I/R – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/P - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/D - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/S - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/N - Always wanted to break your legs
L/H - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/F - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/J - Hate your cooking
Y/B – Never will forget that night
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism Is Weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Other – Thanks for the Cocaine
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Italy - Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt –Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself
