SLIM otherwise known as HEFTY's blog: "speak my mind...oh F'n well"

OK to all that know me n think they know me you dont cuz you never asked well I will let you in on a few secrets to people and friends on here who say WE ARE FAMILY you know what if that was really the case then you would have asked what was wrong or going on not push me away.....I come to realize alot MY FAMILY is MY FAMILY and my friends are my friends and there are people in passing Well for those who want to know why I am distant lately, well here lets start before i keep bitching and maybe some of you will feel a little remorse n dumb for how you 1. treated me 2. acted towards me 3. expected me to be myself well first off lets say My MOM who to me is the most special lady in the world....just found out she has a few non-cancerous tumors but also may have BREAST CANCER....now I dont know bout any of you losing her means alot but It also means my DAD dies with her cuz without her he wouldnt beable to exsist. So please tell me how you would act or think All I have at this point is my son, my mom n DAD. my sister decided to write the family off for her selfish reasons which I wont get into so it might be a little more understanding why my FAMILIA is very importante to me lets see lets talk bout my job which I love n enjoy 90% of the time....well business is slow and cuz im on low end of totem pole and 1 of 3 owners dont like me, I might be let go. only reason he dosent like me is cuz he was my neighbor growing up and seen me grow from that 12 yr old boy to a man but still thinks im that juvinille all because i wouldnt sell him weed back in the day. And I bust my ass harder then half the people there. SO yeah being unemployed in my current situation would suck tremendous balls, since i have no car or license n its a swift close walk to my house 3rd I have a case of depression and I have not been on any meds in bout 3 yrs, yes I have come to grips with it and deal but I do tend to have my LOW moments and sometimes lower then others. You will probally ask why not get medicine....well with no health insurance i cant get it and I rather not be on drugs due to the fact I am a former pill popping recovering drug addict. Also I have a Women I truly n deeply care for, but at same time with past relationships I am totally petrified n nervous that I wont live to expectations, I am not the best catch in the world and wonder why me.....and I do have a tendecy to Fuck things up n push people away another is my SON n his mom who I wont lie was one of my true loves but we dont see eye to eye...dosent matter thats the past Well me n her dont commuicate and I honestly think its starting to effect my Son who is 8, and to tell you the truth its not do to my lack of trying...I try all the time I dont get phone calls back. shoot she dosent even tell me bout cub scout stuff til the day of and always on my weekend so I get to see my son maybe 3 days a month so yes a little stressful Also to top off the end of the year I almost had a baby with my X and she didnt know if it was mine or her new BF so for 9 months I stressed n dealt with that,,,,so coming from someone who has had 4 ulcers already for reason partly my fault I have some shit to deal or dealt with so being told I am not contributing enough is a reason to push me away even further So Dealing with all of this just as an ice breaker there is more trust me. So to people n friends who want to say they are my family are full of shit because maybe when I made an effort to reach out all i got was pushed away told I was doing shit & not good enough and my ass ridden n bitched out for shit totally beyond my control. So YES I used FUBAR n drinking and a few other things to let lose forget n deal with some of my personal problems so i could just be me n free even if it was for 10- 15 minutes a day.....well even then that just was not good enough I was a DJ for a great place n friends well those people who I thought were a family well some of them pushed me a little to far a little too much to where above n beyond all the stress i have above I couldnt take it....Alot of things were said but what is done is done..... for anybody who thinks I need to grow up n talk there shit behind my back cuz I have heard many of you do it,,,,,then speak it to me personally cuz HONESTLY I KNOW bout 5 of you people that will never do it cuz you honestly dont have the cojones to do it. You want to keep passing rumors bout me go for it I dont care....cuz I know I never did bout you You want to say and I quote "he needs to grow up n get over it" well you know what you get over losing your job n maybe your mom at the same time among other things SO this family we work thru our problems n shit its ALL complete BS n false cuz if it was true then anyone of them would have personally tried to talk to me or asked me how i was cuz I did for all of them during there breakdowns kids being born, there family problems, there spouse problems and whatever else it was call me distant call me unapproachable but you know what I was always true SO If you dont like me, BITE ME....but man up and say it to my face least thri the computer oh wait you cant cuz you never gave a shit to begin with SO FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS N KNOWS ME N WHAT I WAS PART OF I LEFT FOR DIFFERENCE OF OPINION N THATS THE ONLY REASON...SO KEEP IT STRAIGHT DONT GET IT TWISTED

Ok this is to just clear the air and speak my mind cuz biting my tongue really gets to hurt AND I am the one that has too wake up every morning and look myself in the mirror. Lately with the ongoing's of my life others lives and the surroundings of them all and the intertwining has all fell apart n been brought into question MY LOYALTY N TRUST HAS BEEN BROUGHT INTO QUESTION and I personally never ever gave that up or reason for it to ever be in jepordy....If it came down to it maybe the people that question it are the people I should be asking bout theres just recentley it came to my attention to a brand new friend and I quote "If there's one thing this site has taught me, it's keep your friends close and your enemies closer. never in my life have i ever had so many people hate on me for reasons that don't even exist, and the people that i should have a beef with...hell we're cool. just when you think you're on a site for adults some stupid bitches gotta take shit back to highschool...which is fine if that's how they want to roll. i refuse to stoop to their level, yet i have to admit i do find their childish antics completely hysterical and it does make for good entertainment. ignorance is bliss as they say" Now Im not one to call people out specifically by name but its getting to the point i just might need to or decide where i need to be. Shoot if its really an issue maybe its just my DESIRE that is lost. I think 4 myself i do 4 myself and react 4 myslef... If there is something I need or want I will do it I dont need others to go n do or say things for me. or better yet take what I say n twist it into something that isnt. I have taken upon myself to LEAD by example. so by doing that I am following the lead of others. I also expect others to do the same. Im tired of prying and trying. Since I decided to do n act a certain way I FEEL SHUT OUT N DOWN. what should I expect when I am pre-judged and told things that I didnt say or do. shoot if shit I say isnt even considered or thought bout then Why should I care. I never chose sides i never picked. It has never been bout POSITION for me on this site. (rank, level, rates, fans, LOUNGE POSITION) Look JEALOUSY causes WOES n Im not part of that. I do what I have been asked I go over n out of my way and dont appreciate being told I don't. Im not the moste defensive person but shoot if you want to know why I feel or act a certain way then ask don't attack me. Alot of this is directed ata certain situation n people and a part 2 is definatley required all I know is if someone is to bitch whine or complain bout people saying, doing or so to speak not performing actions maybe they need to sit back....LISTEN OR READ WHAT THEY ARE SAYING AND BITCH AT THE ONES THAT ARENT DOING IT OR LOOK AT THEMSELVES AND NOT THE ONES THAT ARE BUSTING THERE ASS

SOBRIETY N ANGER ARE A BITCH LOOK I DONT STEP ON ANOTHER MANS TOES, I don't start gossip, if someone is gonna say shit then come at me like the person and with the respect I F'n earned. I do the same for everyone of you regardless if I like you or not. I have even been known to go out on a limb for others when they couldnt say or fight for themselves. I only lie to protect the innocent. I find it rude to be all mighty and so righteous on some views but then go ahead and talk shit bout someone else handicaps so to speak...I dont make fun of people who are tarded or handicapped....but guess what I can (why you ask. cuz my sister was and I was once that person) I dont make fun of fat people do where is un humaine...why my family and some of my X's were of that nature...and its not all by choice...fuck if I was told I am a chubby chaser or like BBW's then your correct...look at my last GF of 5 yrs. I am sick of all the back stabbing gossip bout people specially when they twist and change there stories n facts and cant get it right then stumble over there words cuz they got called out. I cant be around 24/7 to deal with shit. I am also told I am part of a family. well it seems this same family has turned there back on there loved ones. (for anyone part of a lounge) well I cant be around all the time cuz of work. well if I can get away with it and be excused for that then so should others and not told something TOTTALY different. so is there different rules for everyone or do we all have the same rules. WE all have our own issues some are just better at handling and managing them then others. BACK to this family thing. I thought if we are part of this family then why in GODS F'N GREEN EARTH DO WE BRING IN AN OUTSIDER TO HEAR OUR BUSINESS WHATS THE POINT. TO BELITTLE OTHERS...FUCK THAT....WHY I ASK WHY is there someone not with staff or even part of lounge in any way shape form at a meeting? for good gracious sakes....thats how half of this shit starts to begin with. I am a DJ on fubar yes I like it I belong to one of the greatest lounges by far. I like n enjoy my music and what I play...I play what you all want to hear thru requests and my own music sometimes...I ask for feedback whetherr to play it again or not....I AM HIP HOP but love metal, come check out my show and tell me I play nothing but rock mainly with all other genres mixed in, YOU GET A WIDE VARIETY, I have a fan base, I PLAY WHAT YOU ALL WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU WANT TO HEAR IT NO EXCEPTIONS WHETHER I LIKE THE SHIT OR NOT. You come to the lounge so you want to hear your type of music not mine...so guess what I play shit everyone likes and wants to hear its not my fault not everyone likes every song. I very much appreciate the oppurtunity that has been given to me by 2 people who know who they are..(ask anyone I hate ICP n parodies n other groups but guess what I PLAY THEM) Look everyone is entitled to there opininon. I respect that. People can HATE ME LIKE or just F'n BITE me. I dont care everyone is entitled, BUT and its a big one. IF YOU are gonna set rules n regulations for some then live by the path you you talk or write and make it the same for everyone. Look Im always open minded n give the benefit of the doubt. I am pretty tight lipped n trustworty n always sincere. I dont run my mouth or usually spout off till I find a need. THINK I'm AN ASSHOLE guess what I FUCKIN AM, but the biggest sweetheart too. I AM TIRED of sitting around and not saying anything. SO ITS TIME FOR ME TO SPEAK MY MIND CUZ BITING MY TONGUE FUKIN HURTS. problem with any of this then tell me my yahoo is SLIMHEFTY76 or just comment cuz most people dont I aint skurred I was raised on the streets live by my own code, grew up in the school of hard knocks and tired of just sitting back look you got issues, I got issues, I deal oh F'n well get over it sit on couch eat some cereal. I do what i need to do and if you got problems dosent mean you need to give up, WTF you act like this is only round 1 in a 12 round fight. get over yourselves quit being vain and do your jobs and deal....got problems with what i have to say OH F'n well maybe its bout time you did...i'm sick of rumors n gossip and BS wake the fuck up get over yourself and just enjoy life for what you have not what you try to have or how you supposedly gotten screwed over...woe is fukin me!!!!