Okay...umm...*scratches head*...I should probably use this space constructively and tell you who and why I am...

well...I ...all at once crawled out of a drunken mist...dusted myself off and went on a wander to find some substance in the world...On my journey I stumbled upon a small cult of lawn gnomes who taught me their ways. They shared their extensive knowledge with me. To this day I have not forgotten.

I am anything and everything your feeble mind can conger up. I am all matter and the air you breathe. I chew on your shoe insoles when you're sleeping. I am GOD, a nerd, I am those useless toys you get in Happymeal boxes and instilled the notion of mixing fountain drinks, and a myriad of other things.

*click**FFFFFzzZZzzzTTTtt*

Random affection frightens me

*click**FFFFFzzZZzzzTTTtt*

Socks!...I love socks...All socks, Im not prejudice to any type. I love tweed, argyle, paisley, plaid, and all those irritating words like that. And I dont follow that rule you cant wear socks with sandals...I do it all the time...I'll soon change the world (why the fuck am I ranting about socks?)

I love wonderful corporately owned overpriced Starbucks. And I love magnetic poetry. I can't do mental math. It's a sad, yet true fact. Take 16 + 14; I cant do that. Even though I know what 15 + 15 is, give me 16 + 14, and I'll freak out...

I consider myself a loser...a self proclaimed loser, and most likely if your here you've already met me...or are at least talking to me...and you already know...Im really not that cool...

*answering machine beep*

*static*

RRRRAAGH the incessant screaming! I cant take it anymore! I surrender!

I'm not any of this! Im an 90 year old man who lives in Antarctica...Im the maniacal Ambassador of the Church of Mormon and I reign over a cult of drunken monkeys...

Cant you love me the way I am?

Welcome one and all...Don't break anything!