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Queen of Wonderland's blog: "soulful life"

created on 10/01/2006  |  http://fubar.com/soulful-life/b9153  |  1 followers

what did you expect

Personally I think I deserve the next best thing. I want some over the knee socks in a dark purple or black, a mini dress, giant hat, and some cute heels to be the next best thing but then everytime I look around me I see that all I'd really do is just break hearts and keep on looking. It's like I have the desire to be so great but not really the book on how to be amazing. I keep on looking and I keep on dancing but its never going to happen, at least not for a while. Exotic confidential smiles thrust upon my face while I bob my head to some ska with the right attitude. Its the biggest and brightest thing to do and even though I can move its still that next best thing to look for. Getting my kicks out of tune but staying with the beat thats all I need. Its what I expected!

in case you were bored

I just wrote out a long very funny blog and my internet hates me. Now I need to start over and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to make it nearly as funny as it already was and so now this is almost just a waste of my time but I'm bored so fuck it.

I'll try to start out with some background information like the fact that I'm sitting in a very uncomfortable chair, my right leg is crossed under my left leg and my right foot is asleep. I'm wearing dark blue coveralls, a white t shirt, a belt complete with slightly scratched buckle, tall smooth black leather steel toe boots with scuffs and scratches covering the toes. My black pen is in my left pocket, it say what branch of military I'm in above the pocket in white stiching. My last name is above a breast pocket symmetrical to the left breast pocket minus the pen. My right foot is now tingling, my knee is stiff and needs to pop but is being stubbron. I'm not sure as to why I told you all of this so far, once more I must say I'm bored.

Earlier I was watching the movie called "Zeitgeist" it's not that bad, talks about government conspiricies of 9/11 and relates it back to the history of past issues and things of that major. Not the best movie to watch but it was entertaining at the least. Agh I just moved my right foot and now my entire leg is all tingle-ly feeling and just not what I wanted because its a distraction to my writing. Oh well maybe my leg doesn't want me to write about the government so I'll stop.

Well since I can't write about the government I'll just let you in on some more information, like the fact that most of my generation is made up of complete idiots. I went to borders the other day and a guy about my age, possibly in college instead of the military was asking if they had a book on tape.  No surprise there, until he mentioned that he needed war and peace on tape. That book was long enough to read, I'd die if someone had it on tape and feel incredibly sorry for the person who would have to read it. Not only because I had found the book very long and dry but for the simple fact that it's not that hard to find a book and open the pages and read it for yourself. A much more rewarding experience even if what you are reading sucks or is dry. Not saying War and Peace sucked but it wasn't my cup of tea.

I'm listening to jackmove right now, its a local ska band from virginia beach, I really like them. You can find them on itunes, if you have a few extra bucks pick up their cd, it will make your life better. Plus I support local music, do you? Seriously though I'm not promoting them or anything, really I'm not, but at the same time I am through subliminally obvious messages. You didn't read that. Poof, Flash of light, I said nothing, I only wrote it, theres a difference, kind of. Argg I'm like a music pirate, but I don't steal it. So then I'm juts like a music person? Not a musical person, just a music buyer, right? Oh I don't know I'm something thats for sure. So now my ipod has changed and I'm listening to Squirrel Nut Zippers, again an amazing band. They aren't local, they're a jazz band. I'm basically in love with jazz music, theres nothing like some hot jazz to make your day better.

Hmm this chair still sucks, but at least my leg isn't asleep anymore. Oh this is enough of my exploration in my mind, I'm not even too sure what I wrote, I'm not sure I want to know what all I wrote, I know I'm not going back and fixing any grammatical errors, lord knows there is a grammer nazi out here somewhere just waiting to pounce on me like a chiwawa on a designer doggy bag purse.

status update

Stand tall, stand proud, let me come and see you all as one and one for all, what happened to the three musketeers? Society chased them out, free thinkers, free believers, what happened to my freedom of speech? You backed down when you read the word and never challenged anything but your own opinion but its time to raise your china and voice an opinion.

 

Is it really the fact that we have backed down so much that we numbed ourselves to the world? How could this have happened with as much tv, media, society controlled by the government, music prechosen to obliberate our mindless selves. Oh wait, thats how it happened. My video games show murder and death as only a part of life, not as something tradgic, it shows sex is the only way to get anywhere in life, my tv shows are reality scripted or so perfect that I'd never achieve it. Even on shows that are to decipt the average american life of pain, drama, cheating husbands and wives, misbehaved children everything works out so perfectly in the end that its like we're oblivious to anything. Idoits are what we are for allowing ourselves to have become so caught up in anything in todays market. I write to speak an opinion to show free thought but my free thought was provoked by paid advertisements, am I one of them or am I still a free thinker, its so confusing. How could things knot themselves into my conscience eating me away, I used to be safe or maybe I was just as oblivious, was it all real?

Silver valleys, gold trees, pink and purple skies with rainbows lighting the world, its not real, well not in this reality when its hard to be a pimp I mean a person with friends that give benfits and make money but they are politically correct now because its a job to pay, to keep a girl off the street and in the club. Rubber stays to play and it plays to stay oh no wait yes, no, its hard out here, thats what she said, lol, laugh out loud I dare you, I see nothing funny to have been written but people laugh at it anyways. one person does this and everyone does that, look at the iphone, ipod, imac craze. Yes I have an iphone and ipod, I'm not a solution if I'm part of the problem but a problem can be a solution its a question with a question and fire with fire but sometimes you can burn yourself out. I know I did.

So go ahead and  see how much I've written, skim through it and see only what you want if you even take the time to do that. At least give me the honor of reading the last sentence of this paragraph, it might save your life one day but then again it might change the world, you just never know but here it goes. The very last sentence of this paragraph is next, scary isn't it? I'm still alive.

I said of that paragraph not of this one, see I tricked you, like the rest of America. We're ending the war with each other and tricking the world into a love hate relationship, lets hate you on monday and love you on wednesday, im broke but I need a new private jet, so yes give me bullet proof electric socks and matching nose hair trimmer in red, just what I always wanted. I'm still alive or am I dead? This is limbo anymore, religion is bullshit, has been since the beginning but we all believe in it anyways. Damn the bullshit give me a straight answer GOD, I want to know, so just tell me, why a different color pink?

Talking Difference

I just finished watching a show called "This American Life" on Showtime, and during this show, it airs a segment called Talk to an Iraqi. Its amazing how some people see this sign and say that they have no regrets that we are over there in this fight and that Iraq needs us and how we have so many freedoms that need to be expanded. Are you people crazy? Our freedoms are slowly being chained, mine are bound to the government since I enlisted in the military. I, once, thought this war was useless but even though I have yet to fight or be deployed overseas, I can feel the pain of military families. I can see the melancholy cast upon the heavy hearts when a child hugs a parent for the last time for several months. No longer is it the father leaving, now it can be the mother, the brother, the youngest, a friend, the girl next door, no one is safe. My freedom may be chained to the constitution but others still have a small amount of chain to let loose and explore. Express yourself, do not worry about the high gas prices, we can't do anything about it except buy smaller cars, stop living above our means and carpooling. Buy American made products at the very least support a charity. I am not perfect, I am no where near amazing, no where near a hero, but I try to make the best of my life by trying to step into a new pair of shoes and see the world. We see a terrorist in a turban, they see fear in our eyes. I see broken homes, broken families, and smell the blood, sweat and tears from both sides. I see liberties promised but never followed through, curses lay in bodies of souls, the music whispers of wind, rain, disaster. Is the end near? Is the end here? blood money honest money golden money silver money money money pay it off buy it again my debt is unattainable within a winter breath.

troubling thoughts

I know its rare that anyone reads these things unless its about sex, fubar drama, or a giveaway of vips or blasts. Well I hate to burst your bubble but this is about none of that. So go ahead and read my questions and my answers. "Are you ready?" To which I always reply "yes I am" but in all reality I'm scared shit-less. I have no clue what to expect when I get to RTC (recruit training center), after all I'm finally starting to realize that I'm growing up. I'm no longer the little girl that can hide in mommy's arms as my safe haven. With my hair cut short, and my days beaming with troubles of the world from my own simple problems to wild fires raging across the east coast I'M SCARED! "What is love?" I don't know. I'm hoping for a self help book one day to explain just why I can't let go of some feelings and other times I can forget someone just like that. Why do I miss my first kiss so much, is it because he died last Aug or is it because I honestly loved him because he was my first kiss and my first boyfriend? When I see an ex with a new girlfriend why is it that sometimes I'm jealous and other times I'm glad to see them together. What the hell is love, and why can't anyone explain it to me? "Were you scared"? No matter what it was or is...I'm scared. "What do you want to eat?" I really don't care, I may not be in the mood for anything particular but I could go for just about anything. "Do you love me?" I don't even know what love is. "Why so afraid?" New experiences, there is always some fear in my soul. "Do you believe in a higher power?" Yes but I'm not sure what exactly it is. "Do you believe in God?" Sorta, but its hard to believe one mastermind created life and planets and everything, I guess God is just a life mystery. "Do you want to go on birth control?" No mom, stop nagging me. I'm not going to try to get knocked up anytime soon. "Are you okay?" Yes I am, does my silence bother you? "Who?" said the owl "What?" said the coyote "When?" said the boy "Where?" cried the girl "Why" cried the murdered "How" asked the cop "Am I bothering you?" No but your overly enthusiast questions are. "Are you ready?" Always Ready.

explicitly addictive

Asleep swirling in desperation third eye violently shaking, Astral Projection Hemlock rocks me, belladonna and jasmine cradle my rocking chair. Never too much, these belles could kill easily, Lavender, Sandlewood, Dittany of Crete control my emotions. Out of body, see yourself now. Peacefully without control, leave the Chakras to explore an open world. Checking waterways, highway lights strain to shine, its 2:03 am, Letting go, do you believe me now?

time gone by

Here's yet another time watching the seconds float by chasing the miniature hands its a bad race they pass one another and keep going on neither one ever gets ahead. 4:11 4:12 4:13 4:14 It never changes never stays the same flying by red blinking staring me down I sit here in my bra dazed in smokeless smoke deja vu! I've been here everyone says its nice I was at your house tonight no wait, the time, its wrong I wasn't there tonight I was there tomorrow They say I'm sick they say you're so slick greasy and slimy I want you to catch me.

tornados

I know now that I have a guardian angel, last night as I slept peacefully tornadoes roared around me. Five miles north of me and about 15 miles south of me houses have been torn off their foundations, roads are closed, people are without power but in my area nothing has happened. My car does have a new coating of pollen and a few small sticks are on the yard but nothing is really strewn out of place. Hopefully no one has been hurt!

the perfect man for me

The perfect man for me: kisses me goodnight has a sense of humor has a serious side grills amazing anything would walk in the park with me would ride paddle boats with me wouldn't play golf all the time knew he could have a poker night knows I need a girls night out knows I trust him on a beach trip with the boys can budget his money doesn't spoil me with expensive clothes would love to see me barefoot in the hammock would come with me to watch football, baseball, and to the beach so I could beat him in racing loves SNES has an optimistic attitude calls me when he says supports my stupid habits (like bubble blowing) blows kisses to me over the phone would buy me chalk for sidewalk drawing go downtown for the free music and free food introduces me to his friends as his girlfriend says I'm gorgeous or beautiful

amber darn

ehh amber dawn aka BARBIE ((she's better than a bRat)) is my bestie friend in the whole wide world and even has put up with me and my DDR obsession, well she has one too and our obsession with pool halls and running away from drunks at the beach and throwin skittles at rent a cops and in the pool, fruity water man! we are trouble MEGP idiots but cute ones loud troublesome outgoing crazy insane fun funny boy crazy often confused obsessed with hannah montana ( only Barbie) obsessed with Barbies (both of us) techno freaks rave freaks (okay so just me) we love sparkley things and glittery stuff and diamonds (hint hint) and money (

hint hint

and we own sexy planet (we're the only ones on it but looking for sexy boys to be on it and live with us) chuck e cheese pizza rocks Hi Frank Hi Finn Hi Scotty Hi Robert Amber says hello! this is a pointless blog
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