WyldFey's blog: "Soul-Mates, Twin Souls, Love"

IDK Maybe it's still that I'm not ready for a relationship, regardless of holding onto my past memories.. or current living situation. The excuses I make. Maybe I'm fucked in the head. I should just admit it. When I've had the chance with great guys who worshipped me..I didn't see it. Mostly I just didn't want it. Beause I then get myself in crazier sitatuations. I happened to see my crush earlier tonight. Wasn't planned. I was just out. & It's all fucked up. He's like you never answer the phone or to want see me. I get tired of it and think it's me. Bitchin. But then he kisses me. & I forget all my excuses. Mainly his GF, whom...I really like. She's like this great girl and I'd never wish her harm. He distanced himself from her, moved out, alot of things happening. I was stupid, & scared and made myself less available then..& It's not like I can talk to anyone. Seems everyone knows him as it went along, so that made it harder. He did work at the store by my house. So seeing him was contstant. Now he's quit and easier not to think of him. But I do. It went frm just diggin him..I mean..his clothes, his jewelry, gods I loved it, his hair..it looked like a lion's mane..Beautiful dreads or braids with all of the front bleached..golden yellow against that beautiful skin. I loved the music & jokes he made.. *sigh* Admiration. To a super crush. Flirtin. To ok. I give. I Gotta Fuck Him..I need to possess that vibe of his, at least for a night. I don't give a damn I want it. Just 1 night. Ha. Wasn't that easy. But I refuse to let it happens again. And it's not like it would be that easy. For too many reasons to count. So I'm purging the raw hunger he awakens. I'm not sure why. Maybe I can harnass the energy later..but my need is to bind with the flesh. Denying myself no longer seems romantic only pretend piousness. When did I forget how to Love?

In the silvery branches of the old birch tree, I watch the moon rising- with a similar old feeling. It's waning like us & with it's morbid softness I wonder if it's making a mockery of me. As if it knows; a smirk within it's wicked glow. Reminding me no perfect circle may be cast. Before golden Aphrodite will have lassoed in her catch. Jealous of the love humans can accomplish; knowing her own wiles all but diminish. In the transcendent form - from which humans flow. Knowing real love; Our hearts bleeding, is our only show. Of but of some of the vague brutality of LovE our kind knows. Still we court Love and Evol the same, our nourishment of pain our real bane. But the ambrosia that keeps us alive. Mere Mortals so hungry for the lies. That will make us, too- Gods for that single moment that we truly join souls. Completing our torment. COPYRIGHT WYLDFEY.COM JSP

I dream of a Prince with moondust in his hair exuding the grave's glow; with his Demon Lover's Stare We'll raise hell at first. -Then we'll drink what we sow Depraved delights & wicked wines are among the first which will quench our thirst I need a new incubus to slake this wytch's fate His wintered silvery eyes may, whisper of forgotten wistfulness.. His bones might creak with sorrow. Still full of that tortured longing for fair Zeniths' honied kiss But I will know him- by what he grows Yearning for the freedom of tomorrow When the wind bring no more madness; borrowed or bloomed in his garden of shadows Then in our oasis when we find; our elusive phoenix We will renew & reburn Together COPYRIGHT WYLDFEY.COM

She's better than me. And always will be. She started learning seduction as a child. Back then I was already learning to be wild. Her mother taught her to wear pearls, and only say pleasing things to men. To always be certain and brush her curls. Yep, she's a yes girl, something I'll never be. I never learned how to swallow down hard reality. When you feed me your beliefs I often choke. But I never show that I'm lost or even broken. Or sometimes hurt. I just nod along and pretend to be nice and sweet. Even if we know that only happens in my sleep. I know your disappointment is brutal and sharp, and it will cut deeper than a knife in my heart. So I try and say all the appropriate things, no matter the humiliation it might bring. I just take your indifference with a smile, yet still try and always go that extra mile. To simply prove my love.. She's better than me. And always will be. But I think I'm happier being me. Even if I live like a tempest caught out at sea. At least I'll still be learning to be myself.. .... and I'll be free.

The riddle of Yin and Love I painted a picture of a waterfall and two cranes; but I left it out in the rain. With it faded and ruined, it reminded me of you. That I almost gave you my heart again, till the wall reminded me I don't have the strength to bend. It looked sort of like the poem I wrote you once. After it had dried, after being soaked in all the tears I cried. I'd forgotten how I threw away the letters, that poem, and the feelings. And convinced myself to never again court the pain love brings. Until I saw my painting bleached almost white; waiting for me to draw again beneath the moonlight. All work copyright © Jennifer Pritchett

I want to love you like that I want my heart to skip beats just hearing their name I want to be able to daydream about someone for hours. I want to let my longing be unbridled and untamed. I want their kiss to be my candy and their love my drug. That I can suckle for the nectar of reassurance. I want a passion that is intense and undying. A love that is just as fierce and blinding. I want to fall in love again, and make Juliet jealous. I want "I love you" to be their last words before sleep. & "I need you" to be the first words they speak. I want my emotions to outweigh logic when the agony of arousal arises. Just to have my forehead kissed at the end of the day And have all my fears and doubts battled and chased away. I want my body to be all that they crave. My conversation to be their salvation. I want my desire to displace all of heaven and hell. And be completly caught up in true love's spell. I don't need security, just romance. I want to be captivated and entranced. I want to be showered in affection and to be drown in absolution. /Copyright Jennifer Pritchett

I rarely have largely incoherant dreams, much less of direct people. Generally it's me alone in one vast eccentric landscape or another. Too much Dali in my diet I suppose.. On occasions I have dreamt about a friend or a guy, it didn't go well. Usually betrayal or death or complete madness or some mission of doom, perhaps. I usually wake up unsure. I spent too much time dreaming up my Dark Knight I guess, for him to bother with my nightly escapades..I've always been openly sexual and then I started writing erotic horror so sex in my unconscious world was very rare. For a week now on and off I have dreamt of the most insane, vivid things. If I didn't know better (Which I don't) I'd call them normal dreams! I met someone outside a cafe, he actually saved me from getting sideswipped by a car. Chivalry is alive in faerie if nowhere else. Hard to explain all the parts. As usual alot with me was ragged at least in my memories. To my surprise this same energy..feeling was there 2 nights later. There was no face. There is no name. Only the feeling. Familarity..Connection.. It is the strangest thing and all the more powerful because it's so familiar. I have known that soul. Somewhere in time, somewhere in space. Once before. I have known him.. Then I had the most erotic dream last night. Of my entire life and likely anyones. Of the Same Essence. I know only a little of Tantric sex and rarely had somone worthy to really explore it with. But this would have put a master to shame.. I could tell by the throbbing in my clit I had actually come..I'd think repeatedly.. This may sound strange but I can actually make myself have a small death by squeezing inside and contracting the muscles..It's never happened while I was asleep though.. I wonder if it will always be just star-gazing on Olympia and the unheard current in the ether. Will I ever See Him Again? Who is he? What has kept me so..reserved, afraid, unwilling to let so many in my life?

No. I'm not still so bitter. At least about most things..Those things.. This place has come to be very much a burial ground, hmm? >blog refrences to wyldfey.com< Maybe if I wrote here I'd get over myspace annoyances. Lawd knows this place alone was hard enough to get used to. "An unexamined life is not worth living.." How true..and yet infuriating..Too many thoughts this morning. Too many on life & love alone. I've given myself that indulgence and played the broken record of my youth repeatedly. I think most are lucky to find one love in life. One real person in one moment of time when the emotions are in synch and real. But for three? What would most give? How often through tears have I heard the asinine words "better to have loved.." and well, you're still lucky. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to yell at each person with these b.s sage words. They truly must have never felt the pain..anguish utter heartbreak..there are no words, duckies.. One death, One marriage, One liasion. And my world could fall to pieces. Even though not all connected. It was a web of grief I couldn't help feeling trapped in. It's possible they did understand..a few times. Pure envy may have also played. Does it matter? Years later..I feel & hear..those words. I was lucky. Insanely so. I'm trying to be thankful for just that. So many memories..so many words and tears and intrigue. The joy of knowing a shared soul..Mystery wrapped in the warmth of holding your own hand. I pride myself so often on wanting to be prolific... But when it comes down to it I am always at a total loss when it comes to describing my own love. I miss you my dark knight.