With recent events on my mind, it occurs to me, that I am truely a bad person. I'm not a very good friend, and I'm selfish.
2 weeks ago I had three friends that I cared about very much. I would have done anything in my power to see to it that they were happy, at least I thought so... recent events have proven me wrong on that point.
One of these friends asked me for nothing more than friendship, human contact and compassion. I think I fulfilled most of that order, but for the things I was unable to do, I've lost that chance. And that is a regret that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I learned something from it though and will never again deny anyone a basic need that I can provide.
Another friend asked me for nothing more than honesty. This for those of you who know me, know was given without hesitation. Until my third friend asked me to withhold the truth. Isn't withholding of information the same as lying? I finally broke, when I realized the lies were never going to stop unless I stopped them. I gave in and betrayed a trust, to protect my own messed up sense of decency and values. The truth in the end will hurt both of these friends, but isn't it better for it to be out in the open?
I believed in this life, as long as you are up front and honest about your intentions, no one can get hurt. I guess I realize now just how wrong I was.
If all of this makes me a bad person so be it, it makes me true to myself, and in the end, that's really all we have is ourselves.
