I wanted to write this yesterday on your birthday but we were having too much fun that was 10/4/07 You came into the world less than 5 months gestation on 10/4/03 the doctors said you are going to be a still born there was no chance i held my wifes hand and fell to my knees the only thing i could think to say was God if you let her live you can take my life. it was the truest words I have ever spoken or thought, she came out and through tear filled eyes i thought i seen her move but it had to be wishful thinking. the doctor cleard her throat with a sucker i thought why do that she isnt alive then she reached out to hand me the smallest baby i have ever seen 1 lb 5 oz she could have fit into a pop/soda can cut in half. it would have made a perfict basanet i thought i was going to hold my dead baby the doctor said she is alive my heart jumped as i took her so tiny body in my hands then the doctor said call everyone you want to say goodbye to her because premies this inmature never make it. If we were lucky we would get a few hours but more like a couple of minutes the nurse taped a white rose to the door of our room it was to let people know there was a baby dieing or dead she was black when she came out from lack lack of oxygin. the minutes passed then an hour she was hanging on i thought she was one tough little girl it took the nurse calling the doctor at 3 am to ask what should they do about our baby, he told her to take it to the morgue. the nurse then told the doctor no she is still alive. still alive after 8 hours of her breathing on her own with no help. he refured us to a nicu that might be able to help. my wife was given a DNC so she was doped up real good. i had to talk to the doctor at the nicu he said in his 15 years of practic he has seen one premi that small make it then he told me all the things that could go wrong. there was so manny things my mind went blank. i hung up the phone just dumb founded.he told me about brain bleeds, intestanal damage or sections dieing of lungs filling with fluid the list went on and on. i looked at my little girl and i knew in my heart if she was going to be a vegtable there was no way i could put her through that just a shell no lifespark inside.the only question i had is if she is going to be a vegtable can we say enough is enough just let her go they said yes. i told them to go ahead and help her. they flew her to the nicu and she stayed the same for a few weeks then she made leaps and bounds of improvement yesterday we celebrated birthday #4 with a normal little girl she is our very big mirrical just wrapped in a tiny package SOPHIA we love you
