Icarus's blog: "Augurs, Martyrs, and Agnostics"

Day two without my customary after dinner "painkiller".

Fuck maybe it's day 3.

Electrical storm wiped out every small appliance that wasn't on a surge protector.
Killed a TV and my router. No internet for half of my last day off kinda pissed me off.
Royals lost.

I dunno if I need to write, type, or email my lawyer, been afraid to lately.
I need to get off my ass, I've had this paperwork for almost 2 weeks.

I tried to taper off the drink a bit though.
Instead I've been over exercising, and been very ... bluh.
Very bluh.
Very very bluh.

Everything has been very bland and unfulfilling lately.
Like I'm drinking a gallon of water and still thirsty.

It just isn't enough any more.
I want my house.
I want my job.
I want my life.

I don't feel like I can find it here, and I'm still
stuck.

Working.
Yeah...
saving some money
getting my head on right in a safe environment.

But it just hasn't been fast enough lately.

So I'm staring at an unopened bottle of bourbon
and a dribbly bottle of beer, or another night as far away from this place as I can get with a $20 a month gas budget.

I need a big hit.

A breakout homerun.

I'm tired of batting practice and remedial coaching.