Brodie's blog: "Serious stuff.."

Normally I am used to acknowledging the pain and loses that come with life.. never before have I noticed that something special inside myself had died with it. Usually it is the pain and the loss of the person is the love and good times you had together and knowing you will never have more then what you already enjoyed with them. I went to see Tool for the first time on July 21st 2009. This is a band I have tried to see every chance they were on tour for the past ten years. I have failed for 10 years straight for various reasons. Never the less I had finally done it I accomplished something I thought I would never have. I had a great time and was joined by friends and my wonderful girl friend however as much of a good time as I had.. something was missing.. and I really had to search my soul to figure it out.. I usually have a blast at concerts.. Love it and go crazy for them. So I started thinking perhaps I am just getting older.. perhaps I am just worn out. Why don't I feel the way I did when when I used to go? Then it hit me like a total epiphany. My older brother laid the foundation of music on me. Everything I know and love about music was from him bringing home the music his father called the devils work and our mother thought was annoying and stupid. He opened my mind and heart to love something and be so passionate about it and respect it's art and all of it's beauty. He had nothing to do with me liking Tool directly that was a band I discovered on my own and he had no influence over but I still acknowledge he made my mind accepting of those genres. I was the manager of a record store back in CA and was very close to the owners and treated that place as if it were my own pride and joy. So I came to the conclusion that I have not had a really really good balls to the wall good time at a concert since the first one I ever took my brother too. He brought me into the music world and I brought him to his first and last concert. I took him to see his favorite band ever.. Social Distortion. The rush he got from that made it worth doing it for him 1000 times over. He passed away a few months later. I did my grieving for months and finally pulled myself together. Me and a few friends and my younger brother had gone to another Social Distortion show almost two years later my first show since. I had fun we all had a blast but it was not the same. While there I know it was because that was something so close to his heart. Now that I have been to several various shows with bands I really really like that he never cared for.. I do not get the drive so I know I am not mixing it with his feeling only that I acknowledge his impact on my life and love for music as a whole.. I still love it, I still listen, I still defend it, I still see the bands I love when I get the chance.. Only four years later I have finally excepted that part of it has forever died for me.. That was the realization and conclusion I have come to find no matter how much I do not like it. It was hard enough to know someone who has a a piece of your heart is gone.. I just never knew with all the people I have lost they could take part of the things you love with them. I thank him and praise him for everything. Miss ya bro.