There is something, I can't place it, beautiful about everything. I know this is silly to write about but after reading a few lines in one of my favorite books it makes my mind soar with something only music could describe.
I've never fallen in love before, but it is my greatest desire. I lust for the chance to look into the eyes of someone and see my own soul staring back. A longing not only for my body, but for my passion. I want someone to drink the well of my spirit and continue to thirst and I want to feel the same insatiable desire to fuse myself with another. I want to feel the pain of jealousy and the screaming desire when they are not by my side. I want and continue to want.
I have a fear of love, I suspect as I write this. I'm afraid of giving myself up, releasing the creature behind my mental wall to feed on another. I'm ready for them, but I can't imagine the heartbreak I would feel when they tire of me.
I don't think I'll meet that person that dreams in centuries, I don't believe they would want me. I have been scorn so many times the scar tissue is far too thick to achieve secondary nirvana. I have so much love to give, but the problem may not be that woman, it is most likely me.
However, when I see that woman, and my icy blood turns hot and boils my flesh with immense desire, I can't bear it. The only union I would have with her would be my fantasy, sticky with sweet words, gentle touch and a deep understanding only a god could appreciate.
She does not want me though.
She isn't really there.
She never really was.
But there is something about the moon tonight, as I look into the cold serenity that tells me that maybe, someday, I will experience that delicate bliss so many take for granted...
...one glorious day, I will smile...
