Up until now, all of my blogs have been posted in MySpace. If you want to read past entries that aren't on this site, just look for nevrwasanangel on MySpace. This blog is also posted over there and I've developed a bit of a following. But from now on, all my blogs will be posted in both places. Deal with it.
And now, without further ado.....my blog......
It's been a while since I've taken the time to sit down and write. My apologies for that, dear readers. So much has been going on that it's been difficult to even find five minutes to sit here, let alone the hour or so it usually takes me to blog. But someone very special complained to me the other day that I hadn't blogged in quite a while, so here I am.
To begin with, I've moved my mother into my house. Go ahead, tell me how insane I am. I'm a big girl. I can take it. After all these years of trying to get away from the woman, I go and invite her into my sanctuary. But at least I had a good reason. Her disability had become so cumbersome that she couldn't even complete the smallest of chores on her own. Her house was a mess, she couldn't get down the stairs to do her laundry, she could barely ever leave the house. I found myself making the hour and a half long trip to St. Louis at least 3 times a week...and, with today's gas prices, slowly going broke. So, you see, I had little choice.
Although I know I've made the right decision and I couldn't have lived with myself otherwise, I'm about an inch away from strangling her. She camps out in my living room, even though I transformed my office into a bedroom for her complete with satellite TV and her own seperate toilet facilities. She tries to run my household from her perch upon my couch. She criticizes everything and makes my friends feel uncomfortable. She dissaproves of my pot smoking Wiccan lifestyle. And to top it off...even though one of the upsides of her living here was my having a built in babysitter, she refused to stay with the kids so I could attend Spookstock...so I had to miss that even though I had been looking forward to it all year. I suppose doing the right thing is supposed to involve some sort of sacrifice, but I'm slowly going insane. Maybe it's not too late to put her into a home. Ha Ha Ha...I'm kidding...maybe.
And now that I've gotten that out of the way, it's time to get down to the nitty gritty of why I'm really here.
There's this person...this incredible person...
Just the sound of his voice makes me smile no matter how bad the rest of the day has been...
I get butterflies in my stomach at the very mention of his name...
I find myself waiting for his call like a child waits for Santa Claus...
He's Christmas, my birthday, and every other holiday all rolled into one...
...and he's 4000 miles away.
I've known him for what seems like forever. He's been my friend and my confidante. In the past, we've gone months without speaking to each other and then, when we do talk, we pick right back up where we left off.
It took nearly losing him for me to realize how very important he'd become to me.
Is it possible, without ever having physically met a person...without having ever been in the same room with them...with so much distance between the two of you, to fall in love?
I'm starting to think it is.
Ok, so I've been celibate for several months, so some people might argue that it's just me being horny and frustrated...but this is not sexual. I don't really think very much about that aspect of it. When I imagine him here, I see me hugging him or taking him by the hand. I see me turning on a movie and snuggling up with him on the couch. I see us sitting across a table from each other in Applebee's sharing an order of nachos or potato skins and laughing at some joke that only the two of us get.
I have no illusions about who he is. He isn't some fantasy man with no faults. He can be a total asshole. He has a tendency toward alcoholism to the point where he almost drank himself into the grave. He can be materialistic and even goes so far as to refer to himself as a "label whore". He's kind of...pardon me for saying this awful word...a preppy.
But he's also very giving, and intelligent, and funny. If he cares about someone, he'll go to the ends of the earth to make sure they're happy. He loves kids. He actually posesses a sense of responsibility. He pays attention when I speak...and he actually GETS IT. I make sense to him. And you have no idea what that means to me.
Taking into account all of the good and the bad...I think he's frigging amazing.
I just hope he thinks the same thing about me...
Just before our love got lost you say
I am as constant as the Northern star
You're constantly in the darkness
And if you want me, I'll be in the bar
On the back on a cartoon coaster
In a blue tube with green light
I drew a map of Canada, oh Canada
With your face sketched on it twice
You are in my blood like holy wine
It's bitter but you're so sweet
I could drink a case of you
And still be on my feet, and still be on my feet
I'm just a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
But I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
I remember you told me, you told me, you said
You said love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Part of you pours out of me
With these lines from time to time
You are in my blood like holy wine
It's bitter but you're so sweet
I could drink a case of you
And still be on my feet, and still be on my feet
I met a woman, she had a mouth like yours
She knew your life and she said
Go to her, say what you can
But be prepared to please
You are in my blood like holy wine
It's bitter but you're so sweet
I could drink a case of you
And still be on my feet
I would still be on my feet
So tell me, dear readers...is this totally insane?
