I am in one of those moods tonight where I want to copy and paste every lyric I find on the internet, where every word rings true to what is currently going on
in my life. I have my good days and I have my bad days. I want to cry, but for some reason the tears won't flow. Oddly, enough I found myself in the same scenario as Dane Cook
was, when he just wanted to have a good cry. Somehow the phrase, "I did my best" really isn't fitting for some reason. Maybe I'm really not looking for a good cry,
but, perhaps I am just looking for a bit of comic relief. Either way, its not doing the job. I sit here feeling numb to my emotions. I am looking for anything familiar to hold
onto. And well, crying is more familiar to me than any of them but, tonight its not been easy to achieve.
I get asked on a daily basis, why is it that I fight for you? Why is it that I hold onto someone that may never surface again? Why is it that I've picked up the broken pieces
and expect you to mend them back the way they were before? Why is it that I am letting you hold them within your hands, when you don't even know what to do with them?
You can't mend the broken pieces, just like I can't mend you. I stand and looked just as confused, because I don't know what to do or say, because I walk on eggshells in fear
of losing you forever. I keep quiet the things that bother me. I keep quiet with those things I cannot control. I keep quiet so there isn't another argument, because I love you
so. I keep quiet, because I know that when you tell me things, my response isn't what you want to hear.
I know you think I can't relate and perhaps you're right, but I do believe I can relate to some of what you feel. I know my pain, guilt, anxiety, fear and overwhelming sense
of loneliness. I feel your distrust, I feel it all. I am a stranger to you, just as you are to me. I look to people who know my pain, whereas I don't open up much to those who
don't. I write this, not to make you feel bad, but maybe, just maybe you realize just how this affects me too. I am not your enemy. I am not your fear. I am not your loneliness,
pain, guilt or anxiety. I won't break if you touch me. I won't break if you kiss me and I won't break if you're intimate with me. Its true that we don't live forever and our
world isn't the safe place we always thought it to be. But, we cannot change that. It is impossible to fix. But rather than walking in opposite directions on this path,
we should walk toward each other, so we can walk together side by side.
