From my year in Iraq
Reasons I shouldn't work alone nights- 31 Oct 2004
The strangest things occurs to me at 2 or 3 in morning, I guess I shouldn't work alone at night. Odd things like this:
The real four stages of life
1) you believe in Santa Claus
2) you don't believe in Santa Claus
3) you are Santa Claus
4) you look like Santa Claus
Or how `bout the weird cycle of success in life
at age 4 success is not peeing your pants
at age 12 success is having friends
at age 16 success is having a drivers license
at age 18 success is going all the way
at age 30 success is having money
at age 50 success is having money
at age 60 success is going all the way
at age 70 success is having a drivers license
at age 80 success is having friends
at age 85 success is not peeing your pants
---AND---
More reasons I shouldn't work alone at night- 17 Nov 2004
Reasons people over 30 should be dead:
According to todays regulators and bureaucrats those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and even part of the 80's probably shouldn't have survived. Why? Well here are some reasons:
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. (not too many of us are brain-damaged)
There was nothing to stop us from sticking forks in an electrical outlets.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets.
When we rode our bikes we had no helmets.
As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts, car seats or airbags.
Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was a treat.
We drank water out on the garden hose (we didn't have bottled water).
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda loaded with sugar, but we were never over-weight `cause we were always outside playing.
We spent spring and summer building go-carts out of scraps and then rode them down hills only the find that we forgot brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve this problem. (well, most of us did)
We could leave the house in the morning and play all day, as long as we were home by the time the street-lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day `cause there were no cell-phone or beepers. (unthinkable!!!)
We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt.
We climbed trees and fell out of them, we got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits!
We had fights were we punched and kicked one another. We got black and blue, and learned to get over it.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls, we ate worms and mud pies, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes and the worms did not live inside us forever.
We rode our bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door, or rang the bell and talked to them. (there were no chat room or the internet)
Little league had try-outs and not everyone made the team, those that didn't learned to deal with disappointment.
Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and then had to repeat it.
Our actions were our own, consequences were expected. Our parents didn't bail us out of jail, they sided with the law.
We had freedom, failures, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with them all, but this was before the lawyers and the government and busy-bodies started regulating out lives "for our own good."
Kinda makes you want to run around the house with scissors, doesn't it?
--Then there's--
Here I go again- 20 Nov 2004
Once more boys and girls, I have too much time on my hands. These silly fools, they let me work night shift and think I'll be safe there.
Odds And Ends
- When your tolet won't stop running, and you put your hand in the tank to fix the chain, don't you wonder, briefly, whether or not the water in the tank has already been in the tolet bowl?
-They say that rather then cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles.
-If you're a criminal, the best way to be is "at large."
-We have classifications called "legally blind" and " legally dead." What about "legally tired"? I think a guy should be able to declare himself legally tired, so he could get out of doing shyt he didn't want to do.
-If I ever have a stroke, I hope it will be early in the morning, so I don't have to take my vitamins that day for no reason.
-I've noticed Connie Chung has faded away again.
-There are some people who are so nondesrcipt that if their idenities were stolen it would be an improvement.
-True Fact-- It's against the law to mutilate grave remains. So apparently, it's not illegal to be in possession of grave remains, the trouble starts when you mutilate them. Nice distinction.
-I wanna get an impersonal trainer. We'll meet at the gym, we won't talk,he'll work out and I'll go home.
-If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?
-I wonder if a classical music composer ever intentionally composed a piano piece that was physically impossible to play and then stuck it away in a trunk to be found years after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy,
-All patriarchal societies are either perparing for war, at war, or recovering from war.
-If you cloned yourself, who, exactly, would be your parents? Can you raise yourself? I guess so. And it might be fun, just think, by the age of six you'd be driving yourself to school.
-The wrong two Beatles died first.
-Indoor electric illumination is often referred to as "artificial light." How can it be artificial? The way I look at it is this: If I can read by it, see myself in the mirror and recognize my friends, it's probably as real as I'm ever gonna need it to be.
-You know what you never see anymore? A guy with a pencil behind his ear.
-True Fact-- One of those clubs that feature nude dancers recently got in trouble with the government because it didn't have a wheelchair ramp.
-I'm not a guy who thinks he can have itall,but I certainy feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more then my share.
Well, that's all for now folks.
