This is hard to write, but I want to let ya'll know what I know.
I am in a sad mood at this time because I have been thinking about the past. I want everyone to know what I have told just a few close friends. Not even my parents know everything about me. I don't share my personall life that much. When I was younger I lost a brother to a drive by shooting that happened in Houston, TX. I was 13 at the time. It happened on June 21, 1992. It was Father's day morning. He was 26 years old. He was on his way home when a car pulled up next to his truck and there was four black guys in the car. They opened fire on my brother and one bullet hit him in the left temple that killed him instantly. It was later said that they had three of the four in jail, but they let them go because they didn't have the driver. It is still a open case. Nothing more has been done about it. It has hurt my parents very badly. He had two sons that never got to know their father. We get to see them once a year and that is at christmas. They stay for a few hours and then go back to their houses. The only thing that kept me sane was my parents at the time. I lost a part of my soul at the time, because I lost the Lords path. I still haven't found my way back, but I am trying to find it. The only thing that I have left going good is that I found the one true love of my life. Her name is Heather Deaton. She don't know it yet, but she is the only thing keeping me alive. I have tried to kill myself before. I had gone to the woods with my shotgun with onr thought on my mind. I was going to blow my head off. I had stuck the barrel of the gun under my chin and cocked the hammer on it and pulled the trigger, but the stupid gun didn't go off. The shell just clicked. I only took one shell with me that time. I opened the gun to see why the shell didn't go off. Everything looked fine so I closed the gun and pointed it at a tree and pulled the trigger. That's when the silence was shattered, because the shell went off then. I had give up because every girl I ever liked and cared about never liked me. I was always fighting with my mom also. I was pissed because I didn't die that day. I stillremember that day as if it was yesterday. It was right after I had graduated from high school. I couldn't find a job around here and that is because of my size. I still haven't gotten a job. I have tried several different ones, but the only one I liked was killing me. I have helped clean offices, I have helped cook in a restaurant that has closed already, and I have watched kids for my brothers and some of their friends. I have also been a tile buster and I liked the job, but I was around a lot of drunks and dope heads all of the time. No offense to anyone that does it, but it just ain't my thang anymore. Every morning before work they would be rolling joints and smoking them before we laid tile flooring down. All of those guys were cool and one even reminded me of the brother that was killed. I am glad to have known all of those guys, but like I said. That just ain't my thang. I am 6feet2inches tall and weigh over 450 pounds. Tthat is the reason that most places that I have applied at didn't accept me. You could see it in their faces when they looked up and seen me standing there. I have also been accussed of molesting what is now a ex-step-niece. Her and her mom has told every one in the local area that they knew that I had molested her. She is 19 now but that was about 5 years ago. I had babysat her and her two little brothers since in 1996. The two little brothers are my nephews. They are half brothers to the girl. Her and her mom live in Dallas now. We never went to court and they never proved that I had touched the girl. She was one of those that had buck teeth, white hair, skinny as a toothpick, and flat as could be. Never had a figure. I always liked the heavier girls myself. I liked someone that knew how to eat when food was set before them. If I wanted a bird then I would have gotten a parrot. I prefer that the girl could help me if I ever needed it. Sorry about the length of this. I wrote more than I was planning to write.
