Originally posted on my blog January 19, 2007
I'd rather be a friend, then a hero.
Do you feel sometimes that your life is like a novel. That you are but a character in a book. At the whim and mercy of the author. Does this happen when you lose faith in God? After all, if not for Him, would we be here? Or just a way of saying we have given up. Lost faith in ourselves, and would rather live in fantasy then face reality? I think a little of both.
Reality has to set in at some point in time doesn't it? Lets face it. A novel most always has a happy ending. And life often times holds more disappointments then triumphs.
Being the knight in shining armor rescuing a fair damsel is very chivalrous and appealing. Fighting battles, righting wrongs. Once, my character. Once, my belief. Makes me feel a bit like the dodo bird now. Extinct! And just as long gone as knights of yore. I used to want to, no, strived to be that knight. But all it got me was rusted armor, sered by dragon breath, and too many lumps and cuts to heal. I can't solve fair damsel's problems by fighting her battles for her, or anyone elses for that matter. And losing your honor to save someone elses isn't the answer either. In that respect, I lost touch with reality, and became a character in a romance novel.
In order to heal, I needed to come to an understanding. I can only right the wrongs that I either inflict on myself or others. Take the responsibility for my OWN actions, or lack thereof. That should be all that is asked of anyone. So why do we tend, as humans, to always blame someone else for our problems, or take thiers on as our own? Yes, sometimes our problems are set upon us by someone else's actions or inactions. But don't we have to deal with them on our own accord in reality? Not everyone is going to look into the mirror and find their faults. I have learned this lesson. The noble knight taking on battles someone else started. Fighting for principles and justice. What I failed to ask: "What of his own?" And there are always innocents slaughtered in any battle waged and "won". You can't have a battle without opposing sides. Who's right? Who's wrong? So with this in mind, here are my observations on the subject of how we deal with problems in reality. First off, a definition of what I beleive a problem to be:
A PROBLEM IS ANY OF LIFES DIFFICULTIES BROUGHT ON US BY ACTIONS OR INACTIONS. AND MUST BE RESOLVED BEFORE WE CAN GROW AS A PERSON, OR IN A RELATIONSHIP. SPIRITUALLY, PHYSICALLY, OR FINANCIALLY.
People in my opinion fall into one of three catagories:
1) Those that are strong, able to resolve their own issues in time. Sometimes with the intervention of a friend.
2) Those who assign blame not accepting it or the responsibility. They rely on the advice of friends usually to blame them later on if they fail to resolve the problem.
3) Those that hide behind lies to shelter themselves from fault, just pointing fingers at the "guilty".
The first are those people who are confident in themselves and patient. Well settled in who and what they are. Have moral fiber and live they're lives within the realm of reality. Growing from the realization that they are human and learning from the mistakes that created the problem to begin with.
The second group I like to call apathetic. They are self serving and lethargic. Resistant to change, they waffle between dream and reality. Hoping that their problems will just go away or be solved for them. They are the ones looking for a knight in shining armor.
The third relies on lies and "points fingers" in an effort to avoid solving they're problems by blaming others for all of they're ills. They are just plain pathetic. Fault is for losers. The lies not only an ally, but becomes they're reality.
If you bounce back between 2 and 3........... Well, lets just say worthless in my eyes. Lies only blind you from the truth, and apathy keeps you from growing in it. And while you may be blind to the truth, others are not. And apathy means that you don't care about the honor you have lost, or trust that others may have placed in you. And in this case have developed your own world far, far, from the established bounds of reality.
NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. Friends in this life are what help you make it through. Offer advice or comfort in times of real need. But rest assured, if you are not in the first group, you will lose those friends eventually.
If your just a number 2 type, friends will eventually tire of your inability to change and take responsibility. Lets face it, who wants to explain themselves to peers for anothers inactions. And who looks like a liar when you do?
If your a number 3 they will lose faith in you once the truth is known.
In either case they may stick around to watch the show, but lose their compassion for you. And in that respect become mere bystanders, no longer true friends. And while they seem to care, only laugh at you behind your back.
Especially when a problem becomes one of those that keeps reoccuring. Usually this happens if you waffle between a 2 and 3. Seldom in a 1. But it does happen. Nobodys perfect after all. We all need to take the time to examine ourselves. Look over the problems, and deal with them honestly. Asking for help if only truly needed. We can't ask others to change for us. But we CAN ask for help in determining why the problems occur. And a shoulder to lean on to help us make it through those changes needed to resolve the problem. That is a BEST FRIEND. They are the rarest of treasures a man can have. And is much different then the old knight in shining armor. A hero long past his prime. I have decided that I would rather be a friend, then a hero.
