Today was the thing.
I expressed interest, too much interest for this job.
My physical safety is at risk at this position, the person I'd be watching has struck a careworker in the last six months, and has had a regular rotation of careworkers and frustrated family members giving up on him for his behaviour and aggression.
My dad insists that I not take this job.
My first impulse was "help this person"
my second was "I have to take this job, don't I?"
... well me and dad went back and forth on it, and I'm honestly convinced that in order to get ANY job these days, you have to deal with subhuman conditions.
He's convinced otherwise, and of course, hasn't looked for work in the last 5 years.
So, I'm in a cycle of shame, disappointment of myself and others, desperation, and ... I'm scrambling for a good explanation of why I won't take this job.
It's probably going to disappoint the person I talked to today, and its probably going to piss some people off.
This job...
man
nobody should take this job. Definitely not at this pay. $20/8 hours?
I mean nobody.
and I can't talk about everything we talked about
just trust me.
Then I spent the better part of today defending my point about marketting versus a quality product, and core audience versus new, and... I dunno, I really butted heads with a guy who I'm pretty sure just
wasn't reading what I was writing
or I was REALLY failing at explaining myself.
This of course is something that drives me NUTS and is like... a fear of sorts.
So ... I've been in a fucking loop about that too.
:/
Not
a
good
day.
That's about all I can really say, and this situation will get more complicated.