well here i am back in florida for almost a month after movin away to nc for a few months thinking it was the right thing to do to move away to be with someone,and yet it was like i never really knew the person..i think to myself did i move to fast or just needed to get away from here i dont really know..again i opened myself up to be with someone like i allways do and things never seem to be right about the other person or whatnot..my hearts been broken so many times i dont even have one anymore. maybe its not ment to be for me to have a succesfull relationship with anyone cause im allways getting burnt in one way or another. either through playing games,cheating,lying,mistrust,not being open,hiding things behind your back and whatnot. i guess im too nice i have a heart of gold and dont mistreat anyone bad and has respect for others but have i got that in return not really if ya think about it cause im allways alone in the long run. they say they love you and this and that show you comments and leave ya letters n things but sometimes ya think is that really real? i wonder.or they just saying that for u just to hear it im gettin real tired of it too. i guess i wear my heart on my sleeve and i guess i hate the fact that im goin through life here and there with someone but mostly its alone and i reckon thats how its ment to be for me..alone. i have loved a few in the past some of that still is there..the way i feel for someone will allways be for that person and i atleast smile a lil bit for the good times we had. i cant turn that part off or throw away like most of them has. but i dont think i could go back to any of them cause there are reason they are ex's some i dont even count as an ex cause it was like we wasnt even togeather it seemed with a few..just another part of the game of life i reckon..i aint the most handsom man in the world or loaded with money or live the highlife like some fellers out there but to me its all material and your not supposed to by love with any of that. but some women out there think thats what its about. im me and thats all i know why be or try to be someone else you are not ..and theres alot that likes to hide who they really are to others and id rather see the whole person 100% and what they are about..not hide behind a wall or baracade..its not fair for the other person or people as friends..i just hope one day i can find one thats true and respects them selves and to me and show that im actually there and not just hanging around sharing their air or whatnot..like that will ever happen
