Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

"What are you even getting out of this man?"
...
I'm more focused on the packed smoldering pipe between my fingers
"I have no idea."
"Look, everything I do in my life is on scales, I put the pros on one side, the cons on the other and I act according to how it tips"
A technique I've borrowed and applied at least once a day.
"yeah but-"
"yeah?"
faint blue whisps flow from my mouth as my teeth try to drive through the overlaquered nozzle.
"I dunno, its her smile I guess. I just, sit down for a couple minutes, watch her smile and...
that's enough"
"and no blowjobs?"
It's well established scientific fact in these circles: be nice to a girl, get blowjobs.
Hell, he had one run off on him because a guy got her a hamburger.
Not even a swissburger.

"That's not even really what I'm thinking about."
I was thinking about wet Januarys getting mud on my very inexpensive work shoes
and dead trees.

"well where's it going? You get a daily dose and keep buying a lottery ticket to her golden arch?"
don't even need the lottery ticket
this is different
this is something else.

"I dunno what this is. That's why I called."

"you should really be talking to her about this."

"I know, but that shit gets too weird. How does that even go? Oh gee, I find you absolutely enchanting, would you please fall in love with me?"

I don't even know if that's what I want...
its more that
"-I just want her to be happy. Like I need her to be or something"

there's a pause
"HAH! You pussy."

I sigh, and laugh to the beat.

"-I dunno man, that shit's never happened with me."

"Yeah, me either. Something about equillibrium
finding what was taken from me"

"you need to lay off your mom's romance novels."
"shut up fag!"

A couple hours pass. I officially talk to him more than myself. And I tuck my nearly dead phone back into my pocket

Where the hell is this going?

Broken simmering conversations keep rolling and popping in my head.
I just want her close.
This very underlined, italicized moment
I want her here.

I don't think about what I want to say.
Where I want her to kiss me.
I just want her entire body rested against mine.
I want that falling vase moment again
where neither of us reached for it.
In less time than it takes for an eyelash to stab my iris
that sinking brevity passed.
That understanding set.

Two deaf mutes.
Infinite sunrises.

Something along those lines.