OllyTwist's blog: "Smart Lipo"

Well here goes it. I have been losing weight and those of us that have weight issues know that afterwards there are areas of the body that just need fixed. 

This is all new to me, the fixing me up part so I am not sure where I should even begin.

I am not a gorgeous woman nor am I very pretty. (these are my internal thoughts) I have really let myself go over the last 6 years. Maybe I have done so due to depression, unhappiness or I have just lost my way along this journey. Any way that I look at it I really need to make some serious changes.

I am not happy being overweight. I have become this jealous monster inside. I have begun to hate who I am. The thoughts of dying cross my mind daily but I can't follow through with them because of my children and the man I love so deeply and passionately. BUT then again this part of me that is "sick" inside thinks it is the answer to how I feel inside and out. So where do I begin?

ONE: I need to change my internal thinking. How do I do that? All I do is baracade myself in my home... afraid to step out my door due to ridicule and snyness of those that see me. I have a hard time even going to work AND that is a night job and NO ONE IS THERE!! Go figure.

TWO: I need to believe in me. How do I do that? I tell everyone around me how beautiful they are and how special they are BUT when I look in the mirror I see anger, hate, disappointment, sadness and a soul that is dying inside.

****** The saddest part, I do not have real life friends. My friends are the ones I have made on here. So who is REAL and who is NOT??

I know that this blog makes no damn sense but my emotions are so messed up right now that I can't even think straight.

My poor family. God they are stuck with such a messed up soul. Maybe things would be better if I was gone.........