Your First Affair
Okay, you have had an extramarital affair, for one of hundreds of possible reasons, some good, some bad, some selfish, some generous. Maybe it was a good decision, maybe it was bad, but now is the time to make the best of it. You still want to keep your man, and if you have children, still keep a good and secure environment for them.
If you are a self-assured Woman, then you are simply rejoicing in your power and control and the fun of what you have done. You still love your man, and having sex with someone else doesn't decrease that one bit. In fact, having sex with the other man or men is part of your expression of love for your man, paradoxical as it might sound. That is the exhilaration of being a Woman fully free to be Herself and live a satisfying life.
This way is for the woman who has felt and followed the instinct to cheat on her man, to be an adulteress, to be promiscuous. You may, however, still have internal conflicts and questions: "Is this right, what I have done ? What can I do to make it better ? Will this drive go away now, or will I want to do this more and more ? How can I keep my relationship with my husband, and keep it healthy and strong ? And what the hell is this instinct in me that makes this soooo delicious ?" The biggest question of all: "Have I done the right thing?" What will the consequences be of what you have done? Not so much the thrill of the moment, but the impact on the rest of your universe.
You may have some need of judgment, and at the same time, be very much opposed to being judged. You may need the judgment to help you work through the right and wrong of what you have done, how you feel about yourself. You may feel lonely, and feel a need to talk about it with a friend. But you may not be able to talk with your friends about what you have done, because you need to keep it secret to protect yourself or your husband or both. This is a normal need, to be judged by someone. The need to confess and be judged is powerful, witness by the role of confession and judgment in religions.
One of the best ways to confess and be judged and just talk your mind is through the anonymity of the internet. There you can find many women who have lived through exactly what you are living through, and found the answers they need to not just accept their polyandry, but to revel in it. You may or may not agree with the lifestyle or philosophy, but it is sure to be an interesting experience.
Now we're ready for the definition. Who is this type of Woman? She is a highly self-confident woman who enjoys sexual interaction with men other than her husband/boyfriend, from flirting to fucking. She expects her man to tolerate it, whether he knows about it or not; and if he does know about it, support her.
Do you relate to everything about Her, except for that f—ing word ? Does a Scandalous Woman have to have sex with someone outside her couple to qualify ? Of course, she does whatever the hell she wants to. She's never going to screw a guy because she's supposed to. She makes up her own rules, and the rules for her mate to follow can be as different as she wants. She changes them when she wants to. Amazingly, this is one concept that men do not have any problem understanding or (most of the time) accepting. The rules concept is to the feminine psyche what nice legs are to her body: major turn-on. Sexy.
A big part of the freedom is that she not only accepts committing scandalous acts, but she enjoys it. Probably the sweetest scandalous act is to cuckold your husband, with or without his knowledge. Does she have to screw another man to consider herself scandalous ? No. Does she need to consider herself free enough to seduce a man even though she's married or in a committed relationship? Yes. Absolutely yes.
It's the attitude that is precious, no question about it. If you feel that you could not have extramarital sex while expecting your husband to continue to be faithful to you, then no, you're not quite there yet. But, given time, you may still give in to the delicious freedom to give into your wants and needs on the "dark side!"
These Woman love not just the physical side of being promiscuous. The psychological side is as sweet, or maybe sweeter. Just flirting with a man, behind your husband's back or right in front of him, is delicious.
Are there risks and problems associated with cuckolding your man ? Sure. There are major potential hazards. Some of the hazards are usually exaggerated and considered inescapable. For instance, and this is the biggest potential hazard of all, could this scandalous behavior ruin an otherwise good relationship between this Woman and her man ? It can happen, but doesn't have to, if your needs and desires are explained to your man...communication is always key.
This type of Woman does not have to love her man less just because she has bedded someone else. She is too strong, too powerful, too wise to let that happen. At least, that is the ideal. Some ladies will make a point of not seeing the same interloper more than once, to make sure that he doesn't get attached to her, and to make sure she doesn't fall in love with the interloper. And - oops! - accidents will always happen! But it remains to be seen if divorces are more common or less common where these Women are involved. Marriages break up all the time, and often because of one of the couple falling in love outside the marriage. There are attractions to other people, some with sexual overtones. The socially accepted way to deal with these is to deny that they exist.
To tell or not to tell - that is the question. Whether it's nobler is not really the issue. It's a good idea to think about what your partner really really wants. It's not a bad idea to ask him, preferably before you get married: "If I have sex with someone else, do you want to know, or not ?" Whatever the answer, it can be modified, of course.
More downsides ? A big one is if you have children, you do not want to become a subject of the town grapevine. Again, a good rule of thumb is to always have the affairs out of town, if it's a matter of physical intimacy, even if it's just kissing. If you are concerned about your husband's reputation in your home town or at work, then similar precautions are called for.
Sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs - MAJOR potential danger! Now, it could be that female promiscuity actually increases the safety of the couple. If a man knows that his wife is cuckolding him in the classic way described here, then he is not going to be promiscuous himself. The woman then has full control over the possibilities and preventions for STDs. She has to absolutely insist on condoms worn by her casual partners, and should moreover insist on his using condoms that she supplies. (If a man brings his own condom, are you going to check the expiration date and whether it's an FDA-approved condom?)
Pregnancy is an issue also, and the condom should be ample protection. However, oral contraceptives are recommended as well. And you know what ? Psychologically, pregnancy is at the root of the difficulties in having affairs. It's a biological trait that has evolved through natural selection, that a man works to be sure that he is the one to make his wife pregnant, that his own genes are the ones inherited, while the woman is genetically driven to find the best possible specimen for good DNA. It's how we're hardwired.
Other downsides? Hmm, none seem to come to mind. Your husband might not accept your independence and freedom if you let him know? Sure, that's possible. But not if he's introduced and trained correctly. It's said that all men are voyeurs. The same excitement that grips men when two lesbians are making out can kick in when he thinks about his wife with another man.
Conclusion
You had your affair, and now you need to look at your life from the very beginning, from a new perspective. Don't feel guilty, don't regret it — it's your right as a Woman! Savor and enjoy every aspect of your tryst. When you think about how to integrate that into your life, don't feel apologetic to your husband. He may not realize it, but you have done something more honest, by admitting your attraction to men other than him. You have made your own experiences richer, and you will be a more interesting partner for it. It's far worse to live your life stymied, suffocated, deprived of experiences then find yourself bitter and reproachful toward him when you are much older, when it's too late.
Go back home to your husband and love him. Love him intensely. Demand his love - his unconditional love - for you. If life hands you a lemon, go get yourself some coconut milk and some rum and make yourself a pina colada! And this joy you can share with your husband.
