Devils Plaything K's blog: "Slave To The Quill And Ink"

Alone, I fit inside the glass before me. The poison, the liquid numbing me. The room closes in or perhaps I am getting bigger. Bigger than the cancerous pain that grows within my very marrow. The poison giving me the impression that I am able to overcome and feel love again or for the first time... whichever the case may be. The rusted edges of this blade writhe against my flesh and through tear streaked eyes I wonder if the rust is rust or blood from the last encounter. The poison leaks out of me... razor blade love the only love I have access denied to everything else. Why am I sitting here telling you? Who else would I tell? Should I be angry that you intrude on my thoughts or grateful that you care enough to read? Or perhaps I should just laugh and drink and cut to wake up to the lonely bleeding heart I have become. ~Kory~ 6/20/07

Aren't you just fucking Precious full of yourself and full of shit. Aren't you just fucking Charming the words you use stolen lines from someone else's mind. Aren't you just fucking Original originally pathetic and insipid just like your little lemmings... wonder if they know where you are leading them.. Aren't you just fucking Dense yeah, you are... Not even written in stone before your blind eyes would you be able to see what I am saying to you. Not even with a bullhorn placed to your deaf ear could you hear what I am telling you. Aren't you just a fucking Waste obviously. ~Kory~ 6/20/07

I walk the night alone kicking leaves brushing aside webs caught in my hair that the busy spiders are spinning. The cemetary lies ahead where those I love live now. I step inside a regular customer and decide whom I will sleep beside tonight. The beauty is no one here gets mad at me. No one here loves me less for being me. The living judge me and scorn me and unlove me so much that I'd rather be among the dead than among them. In this place, I am welcome. ~Kory~ 6/19/07

Your shadow on the sidewalk before you making you larger than your life. Six strings plucked by spindly fingers creating rhythm and harmony. A forgotten art that you remember your case open at your feet gathering coins and a few bills I look at you inspired. I spoke with you briefly one artist to another and thanked you for preserving an art form within art most are too busy to remember but not you and the Gods gave you a gift that you see fit to give freely... with only a hint of starvation. I dropped my donation and wished you well... but you stopped me and asked me if I wished a song... and you chose for me The *Stairway To Heaven.* You may never remember me but I can never forget you. Thank you for singing for your supper. ~Kory~ 06/09/07

and on the edge of the abyss called life after love... I drown. Enveloped in pain and the shards of brilliant light of a glimpse of a new life. What to do? Without you am I me? Without me am I me? Oh slain are the days of recognition that I knew, we knew. You leave me not with loneliness that haunts nor betrayal that angers or lies that burn... but with estrangement that pierces the safety of my fetal position. I take my black crayola and scribble your name from my life. ~Kory~ 6/06/07

I listen for the voices but hear only the endless buzzing of a thousand flies feasting upon the forgotten decomposing corpse that resides in the rocking chair, in the corner. The poison in my veins comfort my motherless addiction. Shaking in my skin. Fear infested follicles of my hair alive, writhing, seducing itself. Convulsing fingers spilling forth the commanding powers of my illness. Dipping, dripping, tangled, mangled it's all star-spangled. My eyes seeing the birth, after-birth spinal cord serpent bone fragments protrude, intrude my brain. Pretty shell casings cover my feet I'm in so deep the rope has snapped. I'm slipping, slipping there is no gripping my lips are dripping rose petals of love to caress your anxiety. You look to me my smiling skull all you see. Your anger, fear and frustration having burned the flesh from my bones years ago. You share no compassion for me. I am your skeleton hanging in your dirty closet. Wearing the soiled clothes of your hidden transgressions. Naughty, imperfect dirty, infected bleeding, scabbed scarred whore. ~Kory~ 2003

(En Route To Your Grave) I watch from the rain streaked windows of the hearse...the skies have opened and are mourning you...The traffic creeps, then stops in some respectful moment that you surely don't deserve, but we will keep that our secret. I feel like your dead body is attatched to my chest, heavy, breathing is a chore, thinking is a chore, weeping is no more. I have cried the last tears I will cry for you. I debate bailing from the hearse but decide that it would be misconstrued as something it is not. Your Mother is next to me, holding my hand, a hand as cold as you are now. (At Your Graveside Reception) *It is such a shame, he was so young.* I hear these words from behind me, as I sit graveside, the rain a soft drizzle now. I wanted to turn around and scream the truth for all to hear, but I will keep it our secret. I drop a black rose on your casket, before they pile mounds of dirt on you. You deserve dirt and much worse and the old song runs through my mind... *Did you ever think, as a hearse goes by, That you might be the next to die? They wrap you up in a big white sheet, And bury you down about six feet deep They put you in a big black box, And cover you up with dirt and rocks, And all goes well, for about a week, And then the coffin begins to leak! The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes. A great big worm with rolling eyes, Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes, Your stomach turns a slimy green, And pus pours out like whipping cream. You spread it on a slice of bread, And that's what worms eat when you're dead.* Remember we used to sing that in jest, and now it is your song. (Leaving Your Grave) We are leaving you now, you can be alone...just you and the worms. ~Kory~ 6/03/07

When I watch Him do what he does my heart longs, full of love for Him. And when we are together in the throes of what we do it all tastes like death. Something familiar and dark and dank and sick. Something long ago thrown out. And perhaps it is that death that keeps us alive or perhaps we are dead and our life preserves us... Maybe it is such an ingrained addiction that we will fall and drown in each other. We are in love with death and death is in love with us. ~Kory~ 05/25/07

They weep in wonder as he sings... crooning to them. Starlings all of them with sex in their eyes. Longing to open wide for him their nether mouths dripping for him... but they will go home longing... and alone but for what fiends they can find hanging outside the bar, buying their fixes sewing up snitches being the tattooed love boys they were born to be. The smell of their addiction Caressing their greasy flesh Bangs that hang in clumps across their pallid faces. For a drink or a lick and a promise these starlings can have a night of half hard fucks... But I will take Him home. And we will bleed the night away together... in love and death. And the starlings will still weep in wonder. ~Kory~ 05/25/07

We lay, our arms and legs tangled. Our minds and hearts numb but for a tiny pain. That pain is the truth we both know but won't acknowledge. It is over. We cling to each other, out of fear. Embedded within each other like shrapnel. We fear life without one another, not because we are happy together, but because we are all we have known. Tears leak from my eye. Spilling onto my cheek tickling my inner ear, I twitch, and I feel you grab me within your already tight grasp. I want to cry out. I wont. Nor will I let you go. Because I don't know how. I wish you would let me go but I don't know how to tell you nor do I have the heart to make you face this dying dead love~ Our Love. We lay, our arms and legs tangled. Our minds and hearts numb but for a tiny pain. That pain is the truth we both know but won't acknowledge. It is over. ~Kory~ 5/25/07