Let me explain why I chose not to write a post yesterday. It wasn't because I didn't have time. I actually feel like I had more time last night than I've had in a cool while. I just stumbled across some writer's block. There was nothing going on in my head that felt pertinent to a post. When I got home from school, I passed out for about two hours and woke up fully clothed and a bit disoriented. I didn't feel like discussing school, because the day had been extremely stressful. I could not possibly relive that by expressing my frustration. I hadn't been apart of any pop culture that made me vent. So thus, I let it go.
Today, I feel refreshed. I didn't necessarily have any more energy than yesterday, I just felt more put together. When I finished tutoring a few Fourth graders for the leap, I went to Walmart and picked up a beautiful pair of gray starter sweatpants, a memory stick for my camera and a new leash for Jack. He had gnawed right through the old one so that I had to create a makeshift leash using three key chain necklaces tied together. My courtesy was extended to a nice woman who treated me like a Walmart employee, inquiring about the utility and practicality of getting a polaroid camera versus a digital camera. Her main concern was being able to have that immediate gratification of seeing the picture instantly. I explained that even though polaroid film is always a party just to have around, financially it would cripple her. She pointed out to me how cheap some of the digital cameras are nowadays. Now they were still expensive ($127), but she found a kids digital camera that was twenty bucks. Unfortunately, we couldn't figure out if she'd be able to see the image on the back. I'm not sure if I really was able to help her, but at least I was able to steer her away from the polaroid and that has to be a success in itself.
When I got home, I went out for a jog with Jack and got dragged throughout the neighborhood. We had a great run of him running a few yards and me coughing like a locomotive. I think he might have even more energy now than usual. Isn't excercise supposed to wear him out? Other than that, I had to make some frightening telephone calls to parents who think I'm a horrible teacher. Ultimately, we were able to come to some mutual understandings and I hope it will benefit the behavior in the classroom. I almost forgot to mention that I got informally observed by my principal this morning. I expected her to out me as a fraud in the area of education, but to my dismay I got a surprisingly positive slew of comments. This all harks back on my magnanimous fear that I've faked my way through everything I've attempted/been responsible for in my life. I faked my way through High School, never doing my homework. I faked my way through college, never doing my homework unless essential. I felt like I was faking my way through this evn though I've gotten good feedback all along the way. Either I'm really awesome at faking, or my expectations of myself are too damn high. I'm not proud of these sentiments but maybe they're part of some specifically Jewish complex that I developed in childhood. Why Jewish, you ask? It all comes down to the pervasive burden of guilt. Always feeling guilty.
I plan to enjoy the rest of my evening. Friday we are having a talent sho in class and I intend on taking many pictures with my new camera. As soon as I get home, I'll upload them to the blog. Await with baited breath. Curtains please.
