single parents and the dating scene #1
Well hello to all it is the "deviantone" back at it again.
i've chosen to tittle this one "single parents and the dating scene#1" mainly because there are sooooo many subjects to touch on with this topic.
now when you read this dont get it twisted, i am NOT ragging on single parents, i am NOT dogging out single parents, i am NOT trying to degrade single parents. it takes alot of work for two people to raise a child so hats off to one person that can successfully do it.
now on with the program.
i was listenin to a radio show today and there was a woman on there who was a single parent of two children and she was rather upset because she would date guyz and when they found out she was a single parent they would run faster than a teenager who just got caught in his girlfriends bedroom in the middle of the night. So as she expressed her anger her question was "why are guys jerks when they find out you have kids?" that brought forth to open the topic a little further and it was stated that in general when women see guyz with kids they think "how endearing" " how cute" and it is attractive to them. however when guys see women with kids they run the other way.
now i have said all of that because it will help understand all of what i am about to say. now what i'm saying is not an exact science however it is a valid point of view that people have to look at and acknowledge as a possibility when they make some of the decisions they make.
now think about this, women are more emotional and we all know and acknowledge this ( in general , some are not) so they see a man with a child or spending time with a child, yes they think its cute , its attractive, its adorable, however it also says alot as well. There is a big difference between a "sperm donor" and a father to a child, a daddy. when a woman sees a man with a child it says that he is not afraid, he spends time with the child, he cares and as sad as it is to say now and days not alot of men do that, not even the ones that are actually IN their childs life with the mother. its says he can commit to something, it says hes a good father, he has a heart, he feels, he cares. Its no secret that courts do not often give children to the fathers unless they can prove her an unfit mother, men typically dont have custody of the child unless he is a widower or she just ups and leaves, normally something extreme or tragic .
so yes a woman would think that when seeing a single father.
now on the other hand (wether it be right or wrong) its hard to think in the same aspect about a single mother as circumstances typically provides a whole nother story. a woman can easily become a single mother in the blink of an eye. One night stand,boyfriend,ex husband, widow etc... its sad but true a man will get a woman pregnant and he can always leave, a woman cannot do the same. once pregant that child is in her body for the next 9 mos. Some women go through this repeatedly having 2-3 "baby daddies" ( sperm donors) some just once.
with that in mind some guyz look at this, and Yes they probably pretty much know youre not a virgin but having several children from several different men, well yeah , they're going to take that into consideration when meeting you. the same way women look at a man when he has 2-3 "baby mommas" that says ALOT about a person. men are telling women that he cannot commit and women are telling men that something is going on where they either do not care,something is wrong with them, or they are simply choosing the wrong men.
now take ME for example, i have 2 sons and i am no longer with their mother we are divorced ( a lil personal info about the deviantone for ya)
I never have cared wether a woman had kids or not when i met her, i would take the kids with her, they are part of her and i accept that, my ex wife had a child before we had gotten married and i accepted that and still to this day after being divorced for nearly 13 years i still stay in that childs life even though she is no "blood" tie. i still consider her my daughter. However when on the dating scene i have to take into consideration women with children i already have 2 myself so if i meet a woman that has 2-3 kids and we decide to have one between the 2 of us that puts 5-6 kids to raise. Now looking at it like that it doesnt sound so appealing does it? now if you're lucky the "baby daddies" and "baby mommas" are active in the childs life, pay their child support and do what they are supposed to do, well then it may not be so bad. however that is not the case most of the time. Now we all like to say "love conquers all" and what about happiness and all that nice stuff, but realistically i dont care how much you love each other taking care of a family that big and providing for them here in 2007 can be somewhat hectic and for some nearly impossible. your best bet is to have a good education and a real good job or you can hang it up.
now also we all know that men are more or less territorial with that being said imagine having to deal with "baby daddy" for the next 18 years comming around to pick up his child. now if you have a real man it wouldnt matter, but if you have anything other than that, he is liable to cause trouble or drama either with the new man or with his baby momma, there is just no telling when it comes to matters of the heart. and if it is a woman that has more than one "baby daddy" then that means you have more than one man comming around for the next 18 years. now how appealing does that sound.
personally i can give 2 shyts about "baby daddy" i can handle myself, however ive seen and heard about it time and time again and it is not a pretty picture.
now we know not all men or women wanted to be put in this postition however it IS the choice we made . We DID make the decision to have sex and that was the consequence or blessing from it. its not so much what happens that defines you but how you bounce back from it. when you are out on the "dating" scene these are things you need to take into consideration.
you cannot be upset with a man who doesnt want to date you because you have children. that is a decision he chooses to make. i still love my step daughter to death but i do admit at first even though she was an infant it was difficult marrying into an "already made" family. you have a child that has already bonded with the mother and typically sees no interest or comfort in you. typically the mothers will be very protective of the child, even though she has chosen to marry you, you are still not the biological father of the child so if you say or do anything towards the child majority of the time she will have an adverse reaction to it. DO NOT get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a mother being protective of the child however when you choose to marry a man you have to understand that you work as a team, that you are under one roof now.
also single mothers typically have little time for the men in their lives that they are dating. ( understandable being a mother is a fulltime job) however that still doesnt change the fact that you have little time to spend with the man, you have to tend to the needs of the children. some men understand this and some do not. kids typically require alot of attention and especially if someone new comes around. imagine calling the woman/man you are interested in and during the entire phone conversation he/she is yelling at the child or the child is talking requiring their attention in the background. Imagine visiting the person you are interested in and ending up spending more time with the child giving it attention that you would rather spend getting to know that person or spending quality time with that person. now i am not including sex in this, sex is NOT getting to know a person or spending quality time with them. Sex is actually the easy part, you wait till the child goes to sleep and have at it. Now i did date one woman years ago for a Very short period of time who had an undiscipline child who actually would stay up later than us and she allowed the child to do what she wanted, i could have sworn this child was drinking coffee and taking no doze laughin at me trying to get some azz from her momma.
these are things you HAVE to take into consideration. so for all those without kids think about your sexual practices before hand because you may very well end up dealin with this at one point of time or another. for those with children hopefully this will give you a little more insight or understanding. It may be aggravating YES however you have to understand all the circumstances involved.
now this by no means makes excuses for deadbeat moms or dads. its is not to punish single parents nor talk shyt about them. but just because YOU chose to have a child doesnt mean the other person you are interested in has to be a part of that, so dont treat them as though they do. and YES some guyz dont really want to be with a woman who has children but yes they want to have sex with her. heyyyyyyyy surprise there huh? well in most cases ( not all ) a woman having a child tells a guy that she has had sex and probably will again, she let one man have sex with her and leave so maybe he will be the next. and YES some women think like that as well.
guyz are not afraid to have sex with a pregnant woman, if she is already pregnant that just means that he cant get her pregnant. It sounds bad to say, but it is the truth.
well that is my rant for the day i'm sure its not as funny as some of the others however i'm sure its just as offensive to some. well those who read it that are offended you will be ok, life goes on.
until the next time take care.
peace
