Dear Friends,
I want to apologize to each and every one of you that have expressed care or concern for me during these past few months. I know I haven't been around. I haven't returned phone calls. I haven't returned emails. I have ignored most of all you.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I appreciate you and need each and every one of you! I'm just going through the most difficult time in my life right now. I am facing more challenges right now than I have in my entire life. I truly appreciate all the comments, the cards, the letters, the phone calls and the out pouring of love that you have given me.
It's just a difficult time in my life and it's one of those things you just have to go through. It's a process. I have tried to be my normal self a few times but I just can't. Too much going on in my head. I can't pretend as if life is just grand right now but I also don't want to dwell on it.
You learn in time that as you mature life has it's processes and this time in my life is a process. Nothing is going to heal anything I'm going through except time. Nothing can make it easier. Nothing can make it go faster. It just has to happen. Nothing that anyone can say will make me feel better. I just have to go through this.
So please don't stop sending me the thoughts and prayers, I still need them. I'm just distant because that's how I deal with most things in my life. I'm not a whiner or a moaner or a groaner. I am a thinker. I have to process everything that has happened and even though I have to do this alone, you are always present in my mind with all of your thoughtful comments, phone calls and cards.
I still need you, but I need you in a different way. I need to feel your presence and know that you know what I am going through and accept that and will just let me go through it. I don't want anyone to be offended. I'm not trying to shut anyone out. I'm not trying to be standoffish. This is just my way.
I love each and every one of you! I would be lost without you! Please know this! I'm sorry if I have hurt your feelings by ignoring any of you. I'm just in true cancer form and hiding in my shell. I'm processing lots of changes and what I need right now is time, faith and God. I need to see and feel you in the background but my foreground is alone and I need it that way.
Thank you so much for understanding. Know how much I love you and am thinking about you even though I may not respond. Do not ever think that you have done something to offend me. I love you! Nothing can ever offend me unless it's a direct hit and intentional blow to cause pain.
Well, I've rattled on enough for one evening. I just had to get this off of my heart but didn't know how to do it. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers because you are always in mine. I may be distant by phone, mail and computer but I am always close at heart. My prayers include you every day. I love you and thank you for understanding as I process the many changes in my life that only time, faith and God can heal.
God Bless you all! I love you!
