countrygal's blog: "*sigh*"

I AM DONE! JUST DONE! NO MORE! CANT DO IT! NO THIS TIME NOT EVER! I OPENED MYSELF UP TO YOU! I CANT BELIEVE I FELL! YOU TOLD ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN! YOU TOLD ME TO STAY AWAY! WHY DIDNT I LISTEN!! I CANT BELIEVE IT! WHY AM I SHOCKED! I WAS WARNED! I AM SO STUPID!!! I GUESS THEY ARE ALL RIGHT! I AM NOT WORTHY...  I GIVE UP! WHATS THE USE OF EVEN TRYING ANYMORE...

I have just been sitting here listening to music and thinking and look here is the deal! I am broken! i have been beaten talked down to cursed blamed and abused for nearly my entire life... by family friends and well guys who said they loved me... i get it i am not the most attractive person in the world and my personality can be a bit much sometimes but please! spare me! how my two worlds (online- RL) can be so polar opposite is beyond me!!! dont tell me what you think i want to hear, dont be nice for the sake of being nice, i know the truth... i am worhtless and will never amount to anything.... i cry myself to sleep nearly every night and why i feel the need to tell whoever feels like reading this that is beyond me...  ya know i hear people tell me i am worthy of love but everyone that is supposed to love me have said they love me in real life they just hurt me .... if thats love you can keep it... i am so tired so worn out some days i just want to give up but i have to push through for my daughter she deserves to have her mom (no matter how fucked up her mom is) I love her with all i am heart and soul could never harm a hair on her body and only want the best for her she is my light my sun my moon the center of my world. Isn't that what love is supposed to be... why oh why do i keep getting hurt... maybe i am too trusting too naive too idk... maybe they are right... 

see look .... i am the kind of person i just want to see everyone happy ... if i can do that and manage to not disappoint the ones that have the power to bring me to my knees when i let them down i will be fine i think

idk its an impossible task but i have to try... always try... always grow and learn and maybe just maybe i will find happiness