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Dreamer's blog: "Britney"

created on 12/14/2006  |  http://fubar.com/britney/b34451
If you love me let me know, show it, scream it, shout it to me to your heart. Make me feel it, mold me. Try to make me feel your pulse on my hands in my head in my own heart. I want to wake up every morning feeling, hearing your heart beat. Seeing a peaceful smile on your face. Knowing that I helped cause it, knowing your heart beats, and it beats for me. Love, love it, love is what? What do you feel when you look into my eyes what do you see? My soul, my love, my heart? Tell me what you see. Tell me what love means. Does you heart beat? Who does it beat for, does it beat for me? Love, tell me what love means. If you don’t love me then let me go stop holding onto something if you don’t want it. Let it go if you have no interest in it, if you have no interest in me. Please let me go if you don’t want me if you don’t need me. I am a big girl I can take the words, your hints “I’m sorry I don’t love, I don’t love you, I am leaving, leaving you” I have heard it before and I will hear it again I am used to it by now don’t worry, the wounds only sting for a little bit. I promise that when you put my heart into the blender of goodbyes, fake sorrow, and lies (built up lies put in a little bottle and you put a cap on it to lock them in, your little secret that you shoved in my face and broke. How the glass shards flew up in my face, and how they stung when they decided to dig into my skin.) I really do, I promise I will not cry. Let me crawl into my little hole, my escape from this world. If you don’t want me don’t hold me back as I crawl. Your holding onto nothing. Nothing to you. I Am nothing, nothing more then a shadow. Love— what is love? What is love to you? Kissing in the rain? Candle lit dinners, holding her hand and staring into her eyes for all eternity? If you love me, love me forever. Let me know I am your life, your desire, someone you can see and hold. If you love me tell me I am someone, not nothing, not a shadow. Not a figment of someone’s imagination. Love------ what is love? Scream it to me. Tell me, show me what love is what love means. If you love me let me know show me, tell me, scream it to the world, if you love me you will stand ready to catch me. Catch me when I step off the edge of the world, if you love me. If you don’t love me let me go, stop holding me if you don’t want me. Just say the words and let me be, give me the hint and go. Shred my heart into pieces. Just promise, promise to bring them back. I’ll glue them back together. Let me crawl into my hole. If you don’t live me then let me go. But if there is a small, small chance that you do love me, love me forever even if forever is one more day, love me forever if you do love me. What is love? What is love to you? You will never tell that little secret you keep. The only one you haven’t shoved into my face and let it break, only once that hasn’t stung, tell me, did you really lock in a glass bottle or did you sell it to someone you once knew on the black market????? If you love me let me know if you don’t love me then let me go if you love me now why not stay a while say forever if you love me now then love me forever. .... love is love is what love means nothing to someone if they loved something that was never there something that will never be anything more then a shadow of something. How exactly can you love nothing?? Love is nothing more then a lost emotion forever roaming the streets of heartache (heartache is heartbreak one and the same) and breakups. Lost emotions converted, twisted into a shadow of its former self. I know your afraid to say it the word goodbye but pretty soon we all grow up and you have to let go forever. You know you will. Your scared of letting go of nothing? Let me crawl into my escape so I can glue back the pieces that you shred. Stop breaking your damned bottles filled with lies (filthy lies you told me to make me feel better). Love means nothing when you are holding onto nothing you can’t decide over nothing, nothing. Nothing is a word. Love is a word but does it hold any meaning?? Love is a feeble emotion that the weak seek to find comfort acceptance and relief. A kind of place a world perhaps where you can fly away free. But eventually everyone’s wings stop working and they get slower and slower until they finally come to a screeching halt. They then plummet back into the world from which they fled. Love, what does love mean to you??? Do you feel it? Scream it to the world. Its not a secret you can lock in a bottle and break it. Love, its all fun and games for you is it not? Chance, Poker, I tell you my secret- my answer if you give me your heart, what a bluff and you win the pot. Oh yeah you will tell me your secret. And I haven’t cracked open a book all week (liar) a heart so cold, shut away, lost forever in the dark abyss of life. Can’t feel anything just numbness, and coldness. It lost its will to “love” when it fled loves little world. Secrets in bottles that you locked in, put the cap on and hid till the right moment and you broke them in my face like thin blades of ice slicing through my fingers and my face. Laugh, laughing, laughed as the blood flowed, flows, flowing, dripping off my face. Broken glass and broken promises screamed, screams, I kept screaming bloody fucking murderer knowing that you cant you refuse to hear it. Smile, you smiled you laughed and clapped your hands you were in joy in joy the whole bloody time. Plotting, you were plotting this all along, scheming as you held my hand. I think you wanted to see my fall from the sky you just want something to hold onto so you can sacrifice it in the end. Love love is love is what to you? Go ahead and keep your secrets I already know.
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