I have Bipolar disorder, which means I can be a real bitch, or incredibly sweet. I can be agitated and anxious, or on top of the world. Then again, sometimes I'm really depressed for no apparent reason, and then days or weeks or months later (thats the fun, you never know) I'm back on top again, or I'm so fucking paranoid I can't leave my house. My daughter keeps me alive - gives me a reason to live.
Right now, I'm fighting like hell just to feel halfway normal. I have to walk around every day with a fake smile on my face, pretending everything is fine, when my world is caving in on me. I wear a mask of deception every day, and you know what? It's really really fucking hard to keep up the facade.
Its not enough though. I can't seem to totally fool people. They always know something is, well - different - about me. And in today's society, if you're different, you're fucked. And so here I am wishing I could be a cookie-cutter person, molded from a common shape - because being incredibly plain and boring, even invisible - would be better than this.
