I am seriously thinking about leaving Fubar. I just no longer not sure why I am here. I have found my heart and soul is always getting hurt. I think my life is now coming back to stand still like it did several years back when I felt the need overwhelming need to hurt someone, but instead I took pills to try too end my life. I once again begin to slide back into drinking and drugs...
I find when I try to reach out....I can't. I find my life at times has no real purpose in it. Though I have two poetry books out. I still find unworthy of life. So now....
With lot of things hitting me....
I sit with my dark desire to end my life again. So I will no longer feel the pain in life or around me. Why do people have to use or play with hearts and soul to where it comes to end of nothing but lies. I am sorry....
I thought the time away with helping my aunt out after her surgery would make feel better. but fuck XMas and whatever else holidays there are. I guess once again I should wither away within my darkness like I did before.
I have never offer the real me too no one. I have found no one truly cares about the real person you are or your hidden pain and overwhelming lostness that lurks within your reach to embrace death. I have always dance around my reality because my reality is too bad for life to hear or know of. I guess life is just about the games we people can play with each other rather than be real.
I am sick of hurting and never be seen or cared about. I lost in leaving all my dear friends that I talk with. Plus those I have keep in touch with cards. Do know....
I am just sick and tired of my life.
Sorry I am crying as I type this, so if the words are not spell right or wording right...I really don't care, I am just trying to say. I am seriously thinking of leaving Fubar and life.
