Regardless that I'm a monster of known violence this was hardly what I had wanted to ever happen to her, she of all people deserved many things but not this....
I walked over to her still body laying akwardly on the floor and got on my knees to check her pulse. I didn't care about the blood staining my clothes or how pitiful I looked, I was desperate to find life still in her. Her pulse was faint but still there and I could only sigh in relief. If I could cry tears as humans did I would have, she was lucky to be alive.
Yet even in the chaos of the blood smeared across her face and the mess she had created she looked so pure and angelic.
Her beautiful white cotton dress was ruined with stains upon stains of her attackers blood as well as in her hair. One shoe was hanging off her left foot crookedly almost as if it was fighting to come off but couldn't and the bow in her hair was halfway undone and threatening to fall out. She looked like an innocent child caught in the middle of a drunken parents rage. Although the knife balancing on her fingertips showed me that the innoscense in her had long since gone
.I carefully picked up her fragile body, with fire in my eyes, and hoped I could still save her
."Sebastian....I'm so sorry...." she mumbled into my chest as I carried her up the stairs to the master bedroom and bath.
"Shhh Emma, save your breath. Just rest, it's going to be alright" I whispered into her hair hoping she could hear me before she lost conscious again.........
Moments later I opened the door to my bedroom and laid her gently on the bed to rest while I went into the master bathroom to run her a bath, adding bubbles to cover herself. I couldn't leave her like that, nor could I just leave the questions in mind about what happened alone.
I was angry, no I was livid.
I was more than happy to rip out the throat of who had done this and I would, if not something far worse
.But who honestly hated her enough to succumb to this kind of behavior.
The warm water was slowly filling up so I grabbed two nearby washcloths, some shampoo/conditioner, and soap. Placing them on the floor I went back to the bedroom to retrive her.
She was still passed out, with a pained expression on her face as if she was still experiancing the nightmare we had left behind. Her hands were clutching my satin sheets an her lips were opened gently as if she was silently screaming. I hoped she hadn't screamed for me, I couldn't bare to know I hadn't been there for her when she had honestly needed me.
Remembering the bath water slowly filling I shook the thought from my head and contemplated how I was going to do this. In all other situations I would have enjoyed this but considering the circumstances I was almost sick to my stomach. I could only imagine the damage underneath the clothes that I couldn't see while she was dressed. There was no telling what all had happened to her
.So as easily as I could I lifted her fragile body off the bed and pulled off the ruined dress. Other than a few small smudges of blood on her breasts and upper stomach it didn't look as if she had suffered any wounds or cuts. At least one thing was still there to be thankful for.
Reaching down I couldn't bring myself to take off her also stained panties from where the blood had seeped through the bottom of her dress so I simply left them on till later and carried her to the tub. I set her into it, taking one of the washrags to place over her chest in modesty and began to scrub off the caked mess with the other.
I couldn't help but put my face against her cheek as I washed her hair and murmerd that everything was going to be alright, that I was here and nothing would hurt her again.
I was almost finished when she started to come to. Her heavy eyes fluttered opened and closed trying to wake up and her body struggled to move on it's own.
Then she completely freaked out.
I couldn't blame her. She had woken in a bath full of bloody water and a foggy mind from what I had assumed was from shock. She tried to scream but only whimpers came from the back of her throat. Her body flailed around wildly and I struggled to keep her from hitting her head on the back of the tub.
That's when I noticed it.......the small red dot on her right arm.
She had been drugged and wasn't suffering from only shock but possibly delusions as well.
So much blood....
I didn't want to be soaked in it, didn't want to acknowledge that I wasn't strong enough to had survived.
Images and memories swirled round and round inside my head and I couldnt keep up. I couldn't peice them together or make sense of them and the more I tried the more it hurt.
Then I saw him....Sebastian?
He was holding my hand, talking to me but I could only see his mouth move. I couldn't focus on his words. But I knew I was going to be ok, I knew that later on everything would be clear and make sense again. So I stopped resisting sleep, stopped resisting the need to rest my eyes and stopped thrashing around.
Then it was calm, and I drempt of love for the first time in years.
The memory of that night still plays constantly through my mind like a video reenactment stuck on repeat. There is no rewind, fast-forward, pause, eject... The horror just as fresh as the blood that trickled down her blouse. The crimson red glowed in the moonlight, each new source as beautiful as the last, like poetry in motion, an artists' final masterpiece. Completely magical how her tears blended with my chosen color to create an opaquely pink streak down one side of her neck. The champagne-like nectar, it's bitter taste reminiscent of the bitterness she held towards me, yet I could not get enough. An overwhelming desire, almost an addiction, a thirst I could not quench. The knife was my paintbrush, her gown my canvas, a piece of art that noone will ever see, at a price that one could not afford to pay. I am an artist, and I made beautiful work out of a being so horrible.
You are welcome baby...
The note was written through tear filled eyes, explaining the misery that I had experienced, and that this time I simply could not hold on any longer, I needed a break. Everything was done, I checked the stove twice, coffee pot was off but I assumed to unplug it would be better, the dog had food and water. The front door was locked, thermostat was set at a reasonable level. Dinner was on the table, laundry was put away, everything anyone might notice was taken care of. It would not matter at all if I decided to leave, he would not even notice I was gone until he needed something, Would anyone even miss me? This was the last time I would hide the cuts and bruises behind make-up and sunglasses. My biggest nightmare had come true, and the only person to blame was me.
I walked back up the stairs one last time to make sure she was nestled securely in her bed, I could hear the repetitious breathing like so many times before, the soothing sounds of peaceful slumber. I went back down the stairs, took one last look around as I stepped into the garage. This would be the last time I ever called this place home.
I took one last deep breath, steadied myself on shaking legs. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, heard my daughters trembling voice, "Mommy what are you doing out here", as I pulled the trigger............
Everything was beautiful, the sky such a perfect baby blue, the rays of sun almost transparently visible. I could hear the crickets chirp, feel the fresh dew as I lay on the grass. Even the repressed memories of my childhood, the abuse, neglect, those memories I had tried so hard to black out, suddenly disappeared. This euphoria is unimagineable, unattainable, I have finally found my true love. I could not imagine how incomplete my life really was until I found my soulmate. This feeling so pure, so wonderful, how could I have ever lived without? My heart feels so warm, finally complete, working in overdrive, racing at just the thought of this love and adoration.
My eyes slowly close as I drift off to sleep, but suddenly I am awakened by a tingling, a burning sensation that overwhelms my body. I can hear distant sounds but they are too minute to understand.
I open my eyes as my body jerks, I can finally hear the word that has been repeating through my mind.
I feel myself fading away with a pounding in my chest, gasping for air, I look down and see that my baby is still with me, nourishing my body as she slowly kills every last cell. Love hurts, but I never thought it would hurt so wonderfully...
I feel the darkness coming in on me and I remember how great she felt the first time, I never thought I would find a love so pure, but that would cost me so much...
I died with her in my arms, her name was Heroin...