Taoism: Shit happens
Confucionism: Confucius says: "Shit happens"
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isnt really shit
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening
Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesnt really exist
Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it
Mysticism: Just experience shit happening
Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it
Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens
Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but wont tell you
Atheism: Shit just happens and thats all there is to it
Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist
Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere
Stoicism: I dont care if shit happens
Epicureanism: Lets party while shit doesnt happen
Cynicism: Of course shit happens
Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence
Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say
Pollyanism: Its so nice that shit happens!
Puritanism: S*** can happen all day as long as you dont call it that
Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen
Freudianism: If shit happens, its your mothers fault
Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes
Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks
Cubism: If shit happens, you wont recognize it
Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently
Optimism: If shit happens, well find a way to use it
Pessimism: If shit happens, there wont be enough for everybody
Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone
Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it
Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit
Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly
Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases
Bureaucracy: I dont care if shit happens as long as you fill out the
forms
Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen
Ecology: If organic shit happens, its OK
Capitalism: Lets profit from shit happening
Socialism: If shit happens, lets distribute it equally
Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit
Conservatism: They dont make even shit happen like they used to
Liberalism: Shit shouldnt happen tomorrow
Classical Physics: Shit does not happen, it just moves around
Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you cant say both where and when
Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons
Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once
Microcomputing: If shit happens, well fix it in the next version
Computer Science: All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine
Applied Mathematics: The probabity of shit happening approaches unity
Engineering: When shit happens, paint over
Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning
Economics: Shit happens because theres a great demand for it
Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it
Diplomacy: Lets pretend shit doesnt happen
