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Mom died last night at 11:30pm. My grandmother and sister stayed up there with her till she died last night. We knew it was gonna happen and she struggled to get about three breaths in then stoped breathing at all for about half a minute, that went on all day. I watched it for about an hour yesterday, and everytime she would stop breathing my stomach knotted up, eventualy it made me sick and i had to spend the rest of the time i was there in the bathroom of her room throwing up. But I got a call from my sis saying what happened last night, it woke me up, and i think its weird or maybe cause i had been crying about it all day before she actualy died, but the news hasnt made me cry yet, and i just went back to bed, but now i cant sleep heh. . . . I am very angry now though, im not gonna try to punch the wall again though, it may be sheetrock but im still a tiny lil girl that couldnt punch through paper lol. Plus dads already looking to put the house up for sale and move somewhere farther away...that means taking down everything that was put up, but mom decorated everything and she was fucking amazing when it come to that kinda thing. But who woulda guessed when you looked at her she was the same one who decorated the house, and let all my underage hung over friends come over to sleep it off before going home, who also left me her brass knucks in her will, or who cooked for us everynight, or packed John Barrington a lunch for two years durring highschool cause i went out with him, or just packed candy everyday for everyone i knew lol. But i gotta let it go, But to all my friends you are great, even some im having it out with at the moment, we dont get along, but you let me know your there for me anytime i need and that means more to me than anything. I just dont know how to act, i mean whats right, to cry all day about it, or not at all, i hate to cry infront of anyone, specialy since it makes my face all puffy lol But all i can say is...that none of this was ever supposed to happen, I look back on pics i found from like five years ago and wonder if the cancer was there at that time, she was so heathy and happy then. Well, she was only sick in the head lol like, only she would pour a drink over my head cause i dared her she wouldnt cause it would ruin the carpet....she still did it, but i could go on forever so i'll stop. Life may have felt empty since she got sick, but its gonna be a hundred times worse now, i've dedicated my life to taking care of her for the last 4 years, i dunno what to do with myself, i'll figure something out...Thanks for the support guys, I love yall
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