Capt Barbossa pirate extraordinaire's blog: "SHE SAID WHAT?"

The Art of Intimacy The Secrets Your Partner is Keeping From You Have you ever wondered what secrets your significant other is keeping from you? Even the most committed, honest partners often have one or two secrets they keep from their loved ones. So what are the most common secrets men and women keep from each other? He doesn't want you to know that he struggles with body image issues, too. It is customary to see a woman order a salad with dressing on the side and a diet soda. But if a man makes such an order, it is seen as a little... strange. After all, many women still expect their men to be meat-and-potatoes kind of guys who don't put too much thought into calories or body image. But, believe it or not, men can be just as sensitive about their appearances as women, and some go to many (secret) lengths to look their best. Yes, he might be having beers and wings in front of you and your gal pals on Saturday night, but that doesn't mean he doesn't eat lean in the privacy of his own home! She really wasn't afraid of that big scary spider in the sink. In today's age of equality and female empowerment, women are no longer treated with the kid gloves of chivalry by their male partners. Don't get me wrong, gender equality is great... but sometimes women still want to be treated with extra care. So how do they accomplish this? By playing the damsel in distress! Whether it is running from the "scary" spider in the sink or shrieking in the middle of a scary movie, women often play into their need for a "knight in shining armor" by putting up a frightened front... even when they aren't! He is much more jealous than he lets on. Men know that giving you the green light to have a "girls' night out" will pay off when its his turn to hit the town with his buddies, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cringe a little when he sees you leave the house in your little black dress. It isn't that he doesn't trust you, but he has the inside track to the way men think... and as much as he might deny it, he worries about you going out and being deterred by someone new. But, don't worry! A little jealousy will make him that much more appreciative when you come home as committed to him as ever! She doesn't really want to hop on the baby bandwagon just yet. Most men think that women have biological clocks the size of Texas, and while we do tend to swoon over our friends' special bundles, that doesn't mean we are ready for one of our own yet! Thanks to reality television, women are more aware than ever of the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth (think stretch marks, weight gain, nausea and labor!), and it makes the process a little daunting. Not to mention, most women want to climb the corporate ladder as high as they can before Mommy rituals begin, so postponing pregnancy is becoming a popular trend. So tell me... what small (or not-so-small) secrets are you keeping from your spouse?

The Art of Intimacy 3 Red Flags That You're Headed for a Breakup When it comes to breaking up, hindsight is 20/20. But wouldn't it be nice if you could tell that you and your partner were headed for a falling out before it happened? Fortunately, you can predict a break up. And with just a little bit of tweaking, you can get back on track and rescue your relationship before it hits the rocks. Red Flag #1: Tuning Out One of the most common reasons relationships fail is because one or both partners is tuning out. It might sound minor, but in actuality, few things are more hurtful than being ignored by your loved one, whether that is accompanied by emotional neglect or physical distance. The Cure: Take Down the Wall Tuning back in is easy. All you have to do is agree to listen to your partner's feedback and dedicate time and emotion to the relationship again. Start taking down the emotional wall, brick by brick. Look at your partner in the eye when he or she speaks (even if it is not what you want to hear), make physical contact daily (even if it is just holding hands), and re-commit to the relationship. Red Flag #2: Fighting Fire with Fire Couples who fight fire with fire can expect a relationship that is constantly up in flames. Name-calling, sarcasm, criticism, and violence (from throwing things, slamming doors, to actual physical abuse) result in emotional wounds that are hard to heal and relationships that are hard to rescue. The Cure: Pour Water on the Flames The next time you feel anger guiding you to say, or do, things you might regret, take time to cool off. If that's not possible, try framing your complaints as requests. For instance instead of, "Why did you forget our date?," you could say, "I feel sad that you forgot our date. How can we make sure this doesn't happen again?" If your partner is the one who is fanning the flames, don't engage in the vicious cycle of insults and tantrums. You can't fight fire with fire if the other person won't engage in the flame-throwing. Red Flag #3: Refusing to Own Up No one is perfect, so why is it that some of us refuse to take responsibility in our most important relationships? Passing the buck and playing the victim are surefire ways to put a relationship in jeopardy. The Cure: Take Responsibility for Your Actions The next time you forget an anniversary, or say something hurtful to your spouse, don't try to pass the buck and refuse to take responsibility. Instead, admit where you went wrong and try harder next time. Sounds simple... but it can save your relationship. By making simple changes to the way you and your partner communicate, you can keep your relationship intact. All couples fight and argue, but it is how you fight and argue that determines whether your love can weather the storm.

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