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As I sit here fighting back tears, I really don't know what to say, but know I need to somehow get all these emotions out of me before I break down.
My one hope for the possibility that love really does exist AND can last has just been shattered. I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. I'm crying now...crying for their loss; crying for my loss. Crying for the pain of today and for the pain to come tomorrow.
And the children...sigh...those perfect little angels. What is going to happen to them? Are they going to witness the pain of today and tomorrow? It's bound to happen; it always does. It would shatter me to the very depth of my soul, if their sweet little smiles went away. Poor things; will they understand? I don't even understand. How will I explain it? Do I explain it? No...it's not for me to do that; I will just be there for them like I always have been.
My tears are coming in gasping waves now. I cant control it anymore. Just imagining the long road ahead and the possibility that the road may take a different path. A path that may lead my little angels away from me! Oh gawd! I couldn't handle that! I NEED those babies! Ive never admitted that before, but I need them. How silly is that to need the love of children so very desperately?
But is it the children I'm crying for? Or is it really the loss of my one tangible evidence of lasting love. I don't know, but really what difference does it make? The tears are unstoppable no matter what the real reason.
Soon I will need to dry them up, though, and try to withstand my little angel's tears while they too struggle to understand why their parents, and my friends, are getting a divorce.
