Okay, I don't mean to toot my own horn here and you'll see evidence of that in a second...but it is rare that I've not had a girl not come back for more on her own accord, repeatedly...and I wouldn't even consider myself to be a great lover. But, I laugh a little inside when I read your list, because while all of the above *are* aggravations to women on a purely selfish level - the reality is that those are the risks involved. I've had my share of 1 minute outings...I've had my share of midnight to sun-up outings (both alcohol induced and completely sober). Sex isn't a fairy tale experience - neither are relationships. Sometimes it's flawless...over the long run and in any given experience there are likely to be a few errors here and there. Pro quarterbacks throw interceptions. Mistakes in mechanics happen. Most men don't learn to avoid these faux pas until later in life, through trial and error, acting on the same selfish impulses that drive your checklist. The varting issue, for example, isn't a turn-off to men...they think it's evidence that they're "killing it" or that the sounds of their actions heighten the experience. I don't do varts (outside of isolated slippages)...but I absolutely love the sound of my balls slapping against your ass.
So in response to your query for feedback, the worst things about sex as seen by DB & WM are:
1) women who have checklists and
2) men who try to fullfill them line by line.
And this is evident when you contrast the nature of the checklist with bullet number's 4 and 5 on it. If the checklist didn't exist...guys wouldn't ask. It's also evident in that you want a man to explore "you"...to unravel the mystery that is you, but to stay inside the lines and don't fuck up. Once you let go of all of this and just "enjoy" the event - you'll find a lot better fullfillment, not because of the expectations to be fullfilled have been relaxed or reduced - but because the lack of guidelines allows for exploration, it also reduces the pressure from the situation.
...its part of the reason why 30-something women have a noteriety for being better lovers. They've abandoned the checklist mentality to simple, yet often overcomplicated, pleasures.
In terms of one-night-stands or random hook-ups where expression is fairly limited to sexual action...you do realize that it's a matter of odds. Odds that the guy has gained the experience required to complete whatever expectations you have...odds that he will function perfectly to those ends.
I didn't come out of the womb knowing how to please a woman. Maybe some men do...but not me. It's something learned, it's something practiced, and it's something that even beyond practice has to be practiced enough to be quickly adaptable to changes in proportionate bodily puzzle piecing.
If you don't believe this then ask yourself the following: if your man had the following checklist...how would you actually rate right now.
1) I hate it when I'm hitting a girl from behind and she refuses to arch her back. First off it's just a sexier pose. Second, I'm tall...her (typically much shorter), on all fours, with ass angled downward means that not only do I have to put my legs in a painful position laterally or in front of me to get that low with my pelvis - but I have to lean backwards to undercut the ass and somehow curve back up...which pretty much rules out the frontal leg option. I don't mind or have reservations helping you into a more functionally supporting position (pulling hair, wrists held down while I hover, or the typical hand on the neck, shoulders forced downward)...
The point being, if a man positions you, it's generally for a reason. And that reason usually has more to do with current discomfort or a smarter alignment, than enhanced pleasure for him.
2) I hate it when a girl can't tongue my sack (and beyond) while giving me head. In fact, I've only met one woman capable. Its my curse that I've had women of slightly above average gag reflexes and lower. Okay that was more for parallel than anything - but most women don't know how to give head. Even most of the ones who say they love doing it and are pros - just suck at it. There are equally sensitive areas on a man's unit than just the tip. The tip is very sensitive - but can become raw and/or completely desensitized very easily if you pay it too much attention. Learn to explore the entire package a bit. There's nothing better than a soft caress between the sack and the leg - followed by a violent tongue-tip-tap-twirl. DON'T SUCK. They call it "sucking dick"...that's not actually what you are supposed to do. A little is okay - but it's not a creame-filled fucking twinkie, fatty.
3) I hate it when a woman fakes an orgasm. I know...I know...what women possibly fakes orgasms with you? It happens...I generally start slow, slow to the point of boring, it's an observation period for me. Women have a tendency to read too much into it and think let's just get this over with as quickly as possible...I've got better things to do. When it happens, I immediately go from study mode to pro mode...work them to near-orgasm, wipe my load on them, roll over and whisper "That was SO AWESOME!!!!....Wasn't it!?!?!?"
4) Dead fish. For whatever reason, this phenomena happens on occassion. And I'm not talking about the too drunk to function, too stoned to function, too deceased to function incidents. Maybe they're too self conscious to let lose. Maybe they're primadonnas who shouldn't have to move. Either way it's a complete turn-off, and I'd just assume have sex with a broken beer bottle filled with poison ivy.
5) Figure out what you are going to do with your legs prior to having an orgasm. I don't know how many times I've had a woman clench my legs with hers when she's cumming. I generally take it as an indication that she wants me to stop so she can enjoy it...until she says "DON'T YOU FUCKING STOP!!!," still clenched around my primary source of balance and power like a flippen koala. Yeah, HI!!!...I'd love to keep going, sweetheart, but you're going to have to "UGHFF" strangle here instead...wrap them around my waist, wrap them around my neck...wrap them around your neck for all I care - just cut it out with the impossible scenarios and expectations already and work with me here.
So...ladies, how do you rate? Is it really worth having a checklist? Maybe it's really better served as a wishlist.
