I've always tried to make logical decision (when i'm not drunk) that are based from situation from my past and times that are similar to the one at hand
Sometimes this thinking saves me stress for instance
I like this chick and i thought she was great it turned out she was a little pomiscuous, everyone that know me from the past will say "what the hell, who are you to talk" iand i would expect that. Ive changed over the years i'm not that dirt bag anymore.
I believe that love is destined to fuck you
why
becaused i failed at it so many times
i rarely fail at anything
that's why i have hose beliefs
how is it i can excell in everthing else
but trying to care for someone when your reputation says that you are not allowed
i don't know half the things about me that others tell me
it's really weird at thepoint im at now relationship wise
"it like i'm afraid of oxygen, seriously" i need it so bad and also desire it but im just afraid that my lungs won't be able to tolerate the the life that the oxygen will bring to me, they have adapted to the sludge.
Anotherr instance(happens all the time)
I meet someone great we get along and everything but i begin to think " This is going way to good, something bad is about to happen." I begin to see into the future "She is gonna get bored of me" "She is gonna start to hate me" "She will never trust me." The all of a sudden i'm on the phone making a jackass out of myself so she will hate me and i can spare both of us the trouble. I have actually said that "i'm doing this for you." and i thought i actually was but ofcourse i wasn't iwas doing it for me because i'm afraid to maybe possibly love and loose, again. i figure i will just get myself a different job that i can submerge that way atleast i can blame my work for my enability to say how i feel without using keys..
