"Naturally, the common people don't want war ... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country."
Its pretty late, and I thought about going to bed, I was actually IN bed but there were so many thoughts of randomness going through my mind that it was just impossible to slip into my field of dreams. For the past two weeks, I've been without him and I won't lie, its been hard on me. It could be of two things: It will get easier living a life where I won't hear from my husband for several weeks or months. Or get harder only getting to hear from him for short amounts of time always thirsty for the next phone call, email, letter or an IM from our messengers. I know Duane knows how I feel, but sometimes one thirsts on more ways of showing it. We almost always end our conversations on the phone with our "I love yous" and we've always shown it physically too. But, I wanted to put it in such a way that everyone can see.
I love Duane with all my heart and there isn't a person in this world who can sway me away from that. Him going away for such a long time will definitely not change how I feel, in fact, it will only make me love him stronger. It kills me knowing that our short goodbye in the airport may be the last time we see each other. It also kills me inside thinking thats the last time Dietrich may have seen his father. And because of Dietrich, I have to be this strong foundation-- with few to no imperfections during my time of being a military wife.
I'm now known as the silent rank. I am not a soldier, in fact I'm still a civilian but, I am treated with no respect, but having the utmost respect of every soldier no matter what the rank. Only a military wife will understand that sentence. With a deployed soldier, I jump when the phone rings. And hope that its my soldier I hear on the other end of the line. I jump at every knock at my door.
I look at the moon at night-- and linger onto some vision that he at some point has looked up into the night sky wondering how I am doing and whispering into its light and hoping that a lunar moth will carry his message that "he's ok". I dangle onto the memories we've had together and can't wait to make many more.
I wish I could be there with you now to see you leave on the biggest day of your life. I wish I could hold onto you one last time. I wish I could look deep into your eyes, kiss your lips and tell you all the things I'm afraid of when you go. I wish I could lay in your arms forever and fall asleep, and wake up several months later to find out, it has all been a dream.
I love you so much, and I miss you a whole lot more.
I love you Duane.
Traci
