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This is my first blog ever so it might just suck ass.
This is just some things I have been thinking about.
For some reason over the past month or so I have found myself lying in bed staring up at the ceiling not being able to sleep. Now i don't like dwelling on the past but that is what has been keeping me up. I have found myself reviewing my life over and over, wondering what could have been or why I made the choices I have made. Some times I just wish I could change a few things I have done or doing stuff I was to afraid to do at the time. I have made plenty of bad choices in my life. But I also know those choices and there outcome are what made me who I am today. In the past I have trusted people who I thought were my friends that ended up screwing me over big time. but I have also screwed over friends who I now wish I didn't cause the were good friends.
I also wounder why every time there is something I want more than anything in the world I can never have it. I wounder why when i make plans for me to achieve some happiness everything I plan for falls through.
Is it wrong for me to want love? I think it might be. I have read on many, many girls profiles that they want that one guy to show them there not all the same. But when that guy is right in front of them the go home with the guy who is an asshole to them. Girls always say they want the good guy. but the good guy is always the one they come running too and they want to tell us about there boyfriend and how bad he treats her. The good guy always tells her everything will be ok, then she goes running back to the guy she was running from in the first place expecting a different outcome. I have found myself wondering why I cant be the asshole guy. I just cant be him that's not who I am. I am just a nice guy and I cant be the asshole. I am the guy who says good morning to you when you wake up. The guy who holds the door for you, the guy who tells you your beautiful for no reason other than letting you know. I'm the guy who walks up to you and kisses you just cause I want to feel my lips against yours. I also want to hold you and have you fall asleep in my arms. I'm the guy who will watch any movie with you no matter how girlie or dumb I think it might be, I would watch it for the soul reason you wanted me to and that is all I need. Now tell me if all these girls want the nice guy, why I am single? I know I'm not the hottest guy out there but I do no I'm not ugly.
If you have read this I thank you, now that all this is off my chest I hope I can sleep.
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