Who become really great friends, and who are just on the periphery of our lives? What sort of people or really, what sort of motivations from people derive a true, internal friendship and which sorts are fleeting, physically-bases whether in-person or online, and hold no deeper meaning than a few smiles and maybe some heavy breathing?
Life has been a constant struggle for me and sometimes I've had to deal with some very difficult things. I've lost children, been assaulted, raped, cut and beat to pieces and nearly died a couple times... things that make my confidence and trust in the human race waiver, but something inside me won't let it die. I try to derive joy where i can find it... usually it is in the children and friends around me. Developing deeper-than-surface relationships / friendships with people is important to me... MEANS SOMETHING to me... whether I know them in person and can lay eyes on them and hug them, or whether they are friends afar that I can communicate with via these wonderful scientific advances such as the internet, phone, and email, and even still snail mail. PEOPLE MEAN SOMETHING TO ME. FRIENDSHIP MEANS SOMETHING SPECIAL TO ME.
A friend told me that he'd been a bachelor most of his life and i think that was to justify a friendlist primarily filled with sexually motivated women... but my response to him on that was: just because one is single doesn't mean they must surround themselves with porn and sluttiness. I've been single for 7-1/2 yrs now and i think i find a better bunch of people in those that don't concentrate their efforts towards sexually-driven friendships only. Those that do, don't last, because I am looking for friendship on an internal level and they're only looking for fleeting, meaningless sex.
I guess I am somewhat disappointed because i saw some as having value as a friends and not as more sex-seeking boring men. You choose who you wish to be and how you wish to be viewed. I thought inviting some of my friends to this site, since i spend more time here and it's easier to interact here with people immediately, that i'd get to know some of them a bit better as a people... I guess I did...but I didn't realize this is what i'd discover. It's fine. If that's what some of you seek then that's what you seek and there's plenty of men and women out there with nary a thought in their heads except to seek some sort of sexual outlet. I guess it "works" for them, but it's so impersonal and so fleeting and so meaningless and that's not what i want in friends. I am interested in sex or more specifically in making love (much harder to find but i've had it so i know what it feels like)... MOST humans are interested in sex/romance/love on some level... it's just how we choose to demonstrate it and what we dwell on that sets us apart. Sex is simple to find and everywhere. Good friends, love, and deeper relationships, the things that really hold some worth and meaning, are tougher to find yet so much more fulfilling than cheap sexual outlets.
I don't slam others for choosing whichever path they choose, but if they are on a meaningless sexual path, then mine and theirs will not often cross, which means it is difficult to be friends.
This saddens me considerable where some people are concerned since I'd already begun to form some degree of a friendship and 'tie' (if you will) with them...
I better get something done today... Slept till 1pm although was awake till well after 8:30am... in pain and couldn't sleep at all... i think i finally dropped into sleep out of sheer exhaustion. (i'm really tired of the pain in my arms, hands, and shoulders and the tingling too. Guess a doctor appointment is in my near future...sigh.)
Have a great Saturday. I value all my friendships but some sadden me that they don't have the potential to become a deeper ones since we are on different paths in life.
To my friend who prompted this blog: You're so incredibly lucky to have found your wife, a woman who loves you and has chosen to promise her life, love, and self to you only. I believe those promises given and received should be taken very seriously... and in every way.
To everyone: What you wouldn't share with your spouse should you share with anyone else? Just a thought.
Have a good Saturday!
