Well, as many of you know band has started again (hurrayyy) ne way. it already has been a very difficult year, and its only the beginning. it started with me not getting something that a really truly wanted, Section Leader.
The reason I wanted to be section leader was so I could help people in becoming not only a better musician, but a better person as zach and carrie have done for me. I know that being section leader would be very difficult, but its worse not being it, for me.
After not getting section leader, I was able to get past it by thinking that i still would be able to help others. I was looking forward to it. But I soon realized that without the title comes NOO respect.
Trying to get someone to listen to me in band is like trying to move a brick wall. I get the same response everytime I try and help "I dont have to listen to you, your not section leader". Nothing drives me more insane because it is kinda true. I mean i do have some sort of power being upper classmen, but nobody seems to respect just that, you have to have the title of "Section Leader" to get someone to listen to you.
Getting section leader meant alot to me....It was not only a chance for me to help people or help the band, but it was a chance for me to find meaning in why im in band. What im trying to say is, I feel i put alot of effort into the band and to helping the band, but it doesnt seem to be recognized by anyone....I love band, but it would be nice if someone showed there appreciation in me being there.
I still havent decided if im going to even try for it next year, Dont get me wrong I would still love to have it, but I just dunno if I want to deal with the possibilty of not getting it. I guess you could call it a "fear of rejection". I am still tossing the idea back and forth, some days im totally in on trying for it, and other days i just dont feel like i want to...Im sure i probably will end up trying out but who knows?...
Well thats enough typing for tongiht. Just thought some of you could see it through my eyes. Hope it didnt bore you too bad....:)
Brett
