Over 16,528,855 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?

huntsmith2002's blog: "Scout-N-Skip"

created on 11/28/2006  |  http://fubar.com/scout-n-skip/b29269
Attendent: Welcome to Clearview Cinema. Ticket please. Scout: What's a ticket and why are you talking to me. I didn't start a fire or nuthin... Attendent: Ummm... Smoking is prohibited and I need to see your ticket before you will be allowed to see the movie. Scout: Who said anything about smoke. Skippy says that fires are more fun when you can see them squirm. Oh and whats a movie? Attendent: You're here to see the show right? I'm guessing your not from around here. Does this Skippy have your ticket? Scout: Yeah, I think he keeps em inside his stuffing. Attendent: Stuffing? Umm security we have a problem here... Scout: Yeah, for a dead stuffed squirrel, Skippy has no fashion sense. His mother is worse though. Attendent: Why do I get all the nuts? His mother? The dead stuffed squirrel has a mother? Scout: Yeah, she is a bit whacked. Of course, she got ate by a troll and it sort of skewered her perception. Shh.. don't remind Skippy, the last time he was so upset he went to law school. Manager: Law School? Is there a problem here.... Scout: Yeah, this guy made Skippy cry and run off with our tickets... Attendent: What? I didn't do anything. This crackpot was talking about burning down the place and seeing everybody burn. Scout: sniff... sniff... Manager: I'm sorry sir. Its his first day. I don't know what medication he is on, or should be on. The movie is on us. Scout: Don't let it happen again, or next time we will go to Mcgnomes for lunch. Now where do you keep your screwdrivers? Manager: SSSSScrewdrivers? Lunch? I'm a bit confused sir. This is a theatre. Scout: Then, I'll have a bucket of flies and make em snappy. Skippy's flies are all dying from the smell. Manager: Here take this ticket and go right down the street to AMC theatres. I'm sure you will find exactly what you need there, and feel free to smoke too. Scout: They sent me here.
Here's another one. Scout: Lemon Aid! Lemon Aid! Admin: You can't sell Lemonade here without a permit. The Deveels have a union. Scout: Is it a civil union or an uncivil union? Admin: Grow up. The Deveels will break your straws and salt your lemon trees if you don't move along. Scout: I can't grow up. Skippy made me sign a legal agreement, and you don't want to see him in a court room. Do you want one broken straw or two? Admin: Look, in spite of what you have been told, I don't run Shadowmere, so you have to give on this one. Scout: Did you lose it in a poker game? I told you that five card stud does not mean you always win with the ladies. Didn't I tell him that Skippy? Now look, you made Skippy mad and he is giving you the silent treatment. Oh, and I can't give you the Lemon Aid. Its for the poor defenseless Lemon trees that have been a salted by the deveels.
Mail Call Animal Control: Thud... Thud.. Mail man.... (Knocking on soggy cardboard palace) Animal Control: Um.... is this the residence of Skippy D Squirrel Scout: Skippy isn't decent. Come back next never. Animal Control: I have a package for him... err. her.... err.. it. Can you sign for it. Scout: Do I sound deaf to you? Animal Control: No. No. What I meant was can you take the package? Scout: That's your job. Aren't you making the big bucks? Animal Control: No. We've had some cut backs since you mailed the post master general.. Scout: This isn't about the stamps? I used my best boots. Animal Control: No, the boys have been wanting to walk on that man's face since last Christmas. Is Skippy here or not? Scout: Nahhh.... his pal got squirrel napped by some $%$#^^& in a post worker get up. I think he's blowing up the guy's house. He got a warrant too. I think the charge was 2.3 pounds, but our scale is broke. Animal Control: Sound of car door slamming...
Computer Sale Salesman: What can I do to sell you one of our systems. You simply MUST TAKE THIS COMPUTER HOME TODAY. Scout: What's a computer? Salesman: It has a 3.0 gig processor, wireless mouse, and 2 full gigs of RAM. Scout: Um... Skippy doesn't like food processors cuz he got his tail stuck in one. Maybe, thats how your mouse got wired in the first place. He must have pissed off a witch doctor who was feeding your goat. Did you know they eat anything? Well not houses. They get a really strange look on their face when you try to stuff em with bricks. They think their BAAAAADDDD. Salesman: You've never seen anything like this. Its great for word processing, email, games, you name it, it does it. Scout: You know Skippy is a lawyer. You shouldn't keep reminding him that his nuts were chopped in a blender. I mean he feels bad enough about being less than a male as it is. Keep it up, and he'll wanna play sue da whiny man. Salesman: So, how many do you want? One, Two, A dozen? You need a whole network of these things. Scout: You can fish with it? Salesman: Will it be cash or credit? We have a great rate. Scout: Skippy wants to see the fish. He thinks your lying.
Your Favorite Torch For News and Lies DATELINE FRIED DAY: A post office was savagely attacked when postmen refused to deliver a castle shaped box to the Governor's mansion. Reported Damage Skippy -= SM Post =- Mailmen 0 0 Customers 0 224310 Postal Inspectors 0 1 Squirrels 1 Huh ??? Mailed Rotten Cabbage 5 burnt 0 First Class Mail 0 slightly burnt Weapons 0 28223232 Armor 0 2 mail bags Postal Machines & Leps 1 230 SM POLL RESULTS: Skippy fell behind in the polls today when it became known that he is a dead stuffed squirrel. Several lawsuits have been filed, but it is unclear who besides million gold companies are being sued. Skippy is currently still on the ballot and has no plans to drop out. A press release from his campaign manager written on toilet paper says quote "We may be breathing challenged but you won't see us stinking up the place"
Civil Servant: NEXT.... Grunting sound... Sound of nail being driven in... Constipation... Dragging Sound... Civil Servant: Sir you have to step up to the red line. Very confused ARNOLD pointing down towards the foot of the civil servant. Civil Servant: Either step up or you will have to.... Have you ever heard a fat person scream? How would you react to the head of a dead stuffed squirrel poking up at the edge of your counter? What if it was followed by a Lep in climbing gear? Civil Servant: SECURITY!!!!!!!!!! ANIMAL CONTROL!!!!!!! MOMMA!!!!! The look on that woman's face, at that moment, would only be surpassed when Gary Colman went into register.... Scout: We're here to sign up. Civil Servant: Ummm..... your... umm?????... pet? will have to wait outside. Then go to line 6. Scout: Skippy's my lawyer, and the next governor of the kingdom of California. Civil Servant: BLINK... BLINK... Right...... I'll need to see his petition with 3000 signatures, his green card, and your $3500. Scout: I have some really neat belly lint statues. Civil Servant: Good enough. Your registered NEXT.... Please... Scout: So when does Skippy get to declare war, and burn the IRS, and stuff... Civil Servant: Line 6. next..... Scout: Skippy wants you to be on his ticket. Civil Servant: Sorry. I'm running with the tooth fairy. Scout: Well, you have a better chance than that guy. The little lep we all love to hate points down to a spot in front of ARNOLD. A midget with a sign says "Gary Colman for King (crossed out), President (crossed out), Janitor (crossed out), Governor. Gary Colman: Whatcha talking about Skippy?
And so it came to pass that for seven long days and seven restful, very restful nights, the one known as skippy was seen only in the river of tears that originated from Scout's toilet. dead stuffed squirrel's dont flush. On that last day, the world groaned. For Scout decided that squirrels look good with a swirlie and tread marks. sigh... it was good while it lasted. On that day, a used car salesman was born, a goblin delivery driver found his bicycle bent around a quarter, and the prophet known as skippy began to preach his stares. His first miracle was nothing less than divine inspiration. He sought the creation of a new spell. Summon Rabbit Beasts. Unfortunately, the eager, toothed warriors seemed directionally challenged, and their fear potential seem less than inspired. They did however make good burgers. So it was that the Prophetic squirrel began to look for another breed of warrior. One that he could grow and shape into the perfect fighting machine. So it was that Skippy buried some vampires, put a stake in the dirt, and watered them with premium holy water to make them grow big and toothy. For some reason, they never sprouted. I guess some lep's don't have green thumbs.
In the real world, fast food delivery couriers on squeaky bicycles are a pedestrians worst nightmare. To a teleporting lep, they are..... Scout Skippy says he ain't coming cuz you stink like a... hey where'd ya go? Bump... Bump... Scout $#@$#$# Oh my green eyed toaster, you hit Skippy! Goblin Raider He don't look so bad. How many bags did I have? Scout Speak to me.... Speak to me.... Here's your tail. Speak to me... Goblin Raider Wongs.... Twos.... Trees... Scout You really should have used more hair gel. Your foot keeps falling off. Oh my poor Skippy.... How will I ever sue this SOB for child support without you.... Clutching... Holding.... Squishing Sounds... From a Lep an his pal. Goblin Raider Hey you got hair in da food. I won't get no tip with hair in da food. Scout Hey is that a quarter? Dropping Sound... Clunk... Sound of a lep stepping on his pal...
JURY DUTY CH2 Tap..... Tap..... Tap..... Tap..... Tap..... Tap...... Scout I'm trying to sleep in here. What ya want? Officer Mr.. Uh.... Scout. Is that right? Scout That's what the Lupine's called me. Or was it !@#%$%^^? Does't matter cuz Skippy says I don't say it right. Officer Um. Right. I'm here about your petition to be selected for Jury Duty. Scout Yeah? Skippy will be thrilled. He's so anxious to win his first case. Officer I don't know a Mr... um. Skippy. Is he a lawyer? What firm does he belong to? Scout Well, he isn't as firm as he used to be. He lost a lot of stuffing when we wuz looking for that ticket. Officer I have no idea what you are talking about (And don't want to know). Now, about your petition. You do realize that signing your own name five thousand times in green crayon is not admissible in court. Scout I have a red crayon? Would that help? The others melted when I burned down the theatre. Did you know that they don't appreciate flaming popcorn balls? Some people. Officer Did you just tell me that you purposively burnt down the AMC? Scout Yeah. I didnt get the whole ratings thing, so I set the screen on fire with popcorn balls. They gave me such a weird look when I asked for extra kerosine on my popcorn. Officer I'm going to have to take you down town. You have the right to remain silent. You have a right to an attorney... Scout Really? I'll get Skippy. He's dead tired. And in one quick instant, both Scout and his card board castle are gone. All that remains is a very disturbed, very confused police officer who wonders what the h*&^"^*" he is going to say to his captain.
last post
17 years ago
posts
9
views
1,435
can view
everyone
can comment
everyone
atom/rss

other blogs by this author

 17 years ago
Young Explorer
 17 years ago
Joke Central
official fubar blogs
 8 years ago
fubar news by babyjesus  
 13 years ago
fubar.com ideas! by babyjesus  
 10 years ago
fubar'd Official Wishli... by SCRAPPER  
 11 years ago
Word of Esix by esixfiddy  

discover blogs on fubar

blog.php' rendered in 0.0653 seconds on machine '180'.