Saturday, April 26, 2008
Being I've been away during this grieving
period I thought I probably should drop
an honest blog in here before tomorrows
"Birthday Begging" and shameless self promotion ...
Strange how the two meet at the most inopportune times,
that being the celebration of ones
birth just as another's has perished.
Both for me always brings me to reflection of the past.
The two: Life and Death, are assured to be linked for
each cant exist without the other.
We all are born and part of life is death -- guaranteed!
All born with an expiration date, We just dont know when it is ...
I've excepted and lived with - loved ones dying most of my life,
(far-far too many in fact)
and all I can say is it never gets any easier.
They all hurt in the worst ways and are
never the same, much like life itself.
I was starting my annual 'birthday self-reflection' a while
before that I found out - my friend was killed,
Just so happens, He was part of the reflections
I was having & analyzing from my past.
As it was:
Zeke happened to spend more
hours inside a average day
- than anyone has -
in my life lately.
I worked with him at the hotel 8 hours a day,
Drank many-a-beer with him after work and
top that off with our time we spent with the painting business ...
We would work many late evenings
when the stores that we were painting
are closed plus a lot of weekends too!
Riding to work -and- from work ...
etc, etc . . . ugh -
A l o t -of- T i m e
But I don't want my blogs
to bring people down
(hence: lack-there-of blogs this week)
But, as I reflect on both
my life and his death,
the one constant would be:
He was a huge part of me & I know ...
I'll think of him with each birthday I have here after.
He enriched my life by being such a huge part
of it:
Sharing the hard work & the good times ...
With his death coming so close to my birthday,
he'll be thought of at those times:
Without pain but with a smile and
I'm thankful that my memories will
always include such a good person.
I'll always wish he was there
with each birthday that comes,
but he always will be in spirit.
I'll still feel guilty each time,
thinking that I never let him know
I close he was (to me) & my appreciation
for all he had done for me.
(We seem to forget to tell those who should matter)
But as a male to another male:
It's not like that ever happens.
Men don't discuss such things
in a typical hetro-male friendship.
But believe or not ladies ...
men bond without saying a thing.
But it doesn't mean we don't feel deeply.
We love our women and find it hard to
express our feelings even to them --
so, it shouldn't be a shock that it's
taboo to speak of friendship with other men.
(hopes "man-card" isn't revolved after this post)
Well, I've said all I can say at great
risk of sounding effeminate and un-masculine ...
*puff out chest, scatches balls*So I guess that can be:
Should MEN show their emotions
Does it make them/us/me wimps?
I've never been one to say
things mushy - just to say them.
But believe me ... IF I'm emotionally
charged up about something ...
I'll let my emotions fly!
I don't whine, or yell a lot ...
But I guess when I'm passionate about
Something I'll let my guard down.
But I have restraint & refrain from
Allowing myself get choked up.
So, what do YOU as a woman feel
about men emotions or lack-there-of?
Do you think it's okay or if a
MAN shows emotions ...
Does that make them less
of a man for doing so?
Today's Comment:
It's all NEW! I made it last night.
I wanted something that wasn't dark
so I went with RED, added the song
'RED' (Sammy Hagar) to add to the brightness.
I wanted to convey I'm moving on ...
and moving along and requesting
you join my dance of life and
'conga' ahead to my big day!
-woot-
Just didn't want sad/dark stuff ...
Trying to move on and liven things up!
Then I end up writing this blog, but it's 'closure'
I hope that things here at the blog start looking
livelier and fun ... I also hope I didn't lose anymore
readers ... seems when I take a break from blogs
people never come back ... *sighs*
But - before I go -
One last thing!
Jump In !
We're dancing all the way up until my BIRTHDAY!!!!
(tomorrow!)
Being I've been away during this grieving
period I thought I probably should drop
an honest blog in here before tomorrows
"Birthday Begging" and shameless self promotion ...
Strange how the two meet at the most inopportune times,
that being the celebration of ones
birth just as another's has perished.
Both for me always brings me to reflection of the past.
The two: Life and Death, are assured to be linked for
each cant exist without the other.
We all are born and part of life is death -- guaranteed!
All born with an expiration date, We just dont know when it is ...
I've excepted and lived with - loved ones dying most of my life,
(far-far too many in fact)
and all I can say is it never gets any easier.
They all hurt in the worst ways and are
never the same, much like life itself.
I was starting my annual 'birthday self-reflection' a while
before that I found out - my friend was killed,
Just so happens, He was part of the reflections
I was having & analyzing from my past.
As it was:
Zeke happened to spend more
hours inside a average day
- than anyone has -
in my life lately.
I worked with him at the hotel 8 hours a day,
Drank many-a-beer with him after work and
top that off with our time we spent with the painting business ...
We would work many late evenings
when the stores that we were painting
are closed plus a lot of weekends too!
Riding to work -and- from work ...
etc, etc . . . ugh -
A l o t -of- T i m e
But I don't want my blogs
to bring people down
(hence: lack-there-of blogs this week)
But, as I reflect on both
my life and his death,
the one constant would be:
He was a huge part of me & I know ...
I'll think of him with each birthday I have here after.
He enriched my life by being such a huge part
of it:
Sharing the hard work & the good times ...
With his death coming so close to my birthday,
he'll be thought of at those times:
Without pain but with a smile and
I'm thankful that my memories will
always include such a good person.
I'll always wish he was there
with each birthday that comes,
but he always will be in spirit.
I'll still feel guilty each time,
thinking that I never let him know
I close he was (to me) & my appreciation
for all he had done for me.
(We seem to forget to tell those who should matter)
But as a male to another male:
It's not like that ever happens.
Men don't discuss such things
in a typical hetro-male friendship.
But believe or not ladies ...
men bond without saying a thing.
But it doesn't mean we don't feel deeply.
We love our women and find it hard to
express our feelings even to them --
so, it shouldn't be a shock that it's
taboo to speak of friendship with other men.
(hopes "man-card" isn't revolved after this post)
Well, I've said all I can say at great
risk of sounding effeminate and un-masculine ...
*puff out chest, scatches balls*
So I guess that can be:
Does it make them/us/me wimps?
I've never been one to say
things mushy - just to say them.
But believe me ... IF I'm emotionally
charged up about something ...
I'll let my emotions fly!
I don't whine, or yell a lot ...
But I guess when I'm passionate about
Something I'll let my guard down.
But I have restraint & refrain from
Allowing myself get choked up.
So, what do YOU as a woman feel
about men emotions or lack-there-of?
Do you think it's okay or if a
MAN shows emotions ...
Does that make them less
of a man for doing so?
Then I end up writing this blog, but it's 'closure'
I hope that things here at the blog start looking
livelier and fun ... I also hope I didn't lose anymore
readers ... seems when I take a break from blogs
people never come back ... *sighs*
But - before I go -
One last thing!
Jump In ! 
