Woke up slightly off kilter this morning/afternoon... coulda been all the smoking I did last night, I was stuckin foned last night. But in any event, I woke this morning to feelings of hatred and sarcasm... which I don't know why, seeing as I am not particularly angry at anyone or anything... just feeling like I need loud angry music playing with fast, hard, and loud drumming. Maybe it's a Slipknot day. HHHMMM. When I feel like this, I tend to question myself, ask myself "Why do you feel like this, where is the anger coming from?"
So the answers I am coming up with are feasible. Work. I do too much of it. Friends. Some are acting in ways that make me question if they are good people to have in my life, if they are going to provide me with smiles or frowns. Men. Yeah. Enough said on that one.
I love my job. I get to interact with a shit ton of interesting people, most of the people I work with are great, and in general, I have a good time when I go. But man, I am there way too much! I don't know why I volunteer to pick up all the hours that are needed covered, extras to get shit done and help out... but I do. I like feeling responsible for stuff, I know that. The pressure on my shoulders to make sure that things are done and done right, well, I like it. I thrive on that kind of pressure. Most people don't, I do. Although, not as much as I used to, as I still don't want to be the main person in charge again. I think that was too much, and I am a much happier person to be around now.
Friends. Wow. I have many, and I am thankful for the great friends that I have. Last night, I was in the company of a handful of my closest friends, and then one that I just don't get to see as often as I should. Why don't I call her more often? I don't know the answer to that, I sit here and shrug my shoulders. But I seem to try over and over again to make time for people who don't want to make time for me. Life is too short to have to chase down people and make them want to spend as much time with you as you would like to spend with them. I am learning that. I am learning that some of the most unlikely people, the ones that you never imagined could be THAT FUCKING AWESOME would be the ones that you want to be around all the time, that you want to talk to, that you want to share your life with. I have a couple of those, and man, meeting them has improved me vastly. But then on the flip side, I have a few that are in my life for... well, for I don't know why... I seem to give and give and give, and get nothing in return.
Men. Yeah. Again, enough said.
