ThisSailor's blog: "Sailors Ramblings..."

New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com < http://classmates.com/ > ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn. New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout? New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet,' ooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.' New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule : No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule : and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule : When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. '27 Months' 'He's two,' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. New Rule : If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?

Men's stroll out of Wal-Mart in ladies' thongs leads to trouble SCOTTSBLUFF, Neb. (AP) — Two scantily clad Colorado men arrested on public indecency and disorderly conduct charges won't be prosecuted for taking what they said was a "triple-dog dare," the city prosecutor said. Stephan Ballasch, 35, of Wray, and Shawn Madsen, 36, of Ramah, bought two pairs of women's thong underwear at Wal-Mart, went into the bathroom, and put them on Tuesday. They strolled out wearing only T-shirts and the undergarments and made it to their cars before Scottsbluff police caught them, police said. Police reviewed surveillance tape before arresting the duo. When asked why they were in women's thongs and T-shirts, one of the men said because one their friends "triple-dog dared" them to. A phone number listed for Ballasch was disconnected. No number was listed for Madsen. ------------------------------------------------- Copyright 2005 The Associated Press.

"Where is the G-damn f**king flag? I want the G-damn f**king flag up every f**king morning at f**king sunrise.” (From the book "Inside The White House" by Ronald Kessler, p. 244 - Hillary Clinton to the staff at the Arkansas Governor's mansion on Labor Day, 1991) "You sold out, you mother f**ker! You sold out!" (From the book "Inside" by Joseph Califano, p. 213 - Hillary Clinton yelling at a Democrat lawyer.) "It's been said, and I think it's accurate, that my husband was obsessed by terrorism in general and al-qaida in particular." (Hillary Clinton telling a post-9/11 world what a 'great' commander in chief her husband was; Dateline, NBC 4/16/2004.) "I have to admit that a good deal of what my husband and I have learned [about Islam] has come from our daughter." (TruthInMedia.org 8/8/1999 - Hillary Clinton at a White House function, proudly tells some Muslim groups she is gaining a greater appreciation of Islam because Chelsea was then taking a class on the "religion of peace") "F**k off! It's enough that I have to see you shit-kickers every day, I'm not going to talk to you too!! Just do your G*damn job and keep your mouth shut." (From the book "American Evita" by Christopher Anderson, p. 90 -Hillary Clinton to her State Trooper bodyguards after one of them greeted her with "Good morning.") "You f**king idiot."(From the book "Crossfire" p. 84 - Hillary Clinton to a Arkkansas State Trooper who was driving her to an event.) "If you want to remain on this detail, get your f**king ass over here and grab those bags!" (From the book "The First Partner" p. 259 - Hillary Clinton to a Secret Service Agent who was reluctant to carry her luggage because he wanted to keep his hands free in case of an incident.) "Get f**ked! Get the f**k out of my way!!! Get out of my face!!!" (From the book "Hillary's Scheme" p. 89 - Hillary Clinton's various comments to her Secret Service detail agents.) "Stay the f**k back, stay the f**k away from me! Don't come within ten yards of me, or else! Just f**king do as I say, Okay!!!?" (From the book "Unlimited Access", by Clinton FBI Agent in Charge, Gary Aldrige, p. 139 - Hillary Clinton screaming at her Secret Service detail.) "Many of you are well enough off that [President Bush's] tax cuts may have helped you. We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to have to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." (Hillary Clinton grandstanding at a fund raising speech in San Francisco; SFGate.com 6/28/2004.) "Why do I have to keep proving to people that I am not a liar?" (From the book "The Survivor," by John Harris, p. 382 - Hillary Clinton in her 2000 Senate campaign.) "Where's the miserable c*ck sucker?" (From the book "The Truth About Hillary" by Edward Klein, p. 5 - Hillary Clinton shouting at a Secret Service officer.) "No matter what you think about the Iraq war, there is one thing we can all agree on for the next days - we have to salute the courage and bravery of those who are risking their lives to vote and those brave Iraqi and American soldiers fighting to protect their right to vote. (Posted on Hillary Clinton's senate.gov web site on 1/28/05) "Put this on the ground! I left my sunglasses in the limo. I need those sunglasses. We need to go back!" (From the book "Dereliction of Duty" p. 71-72 - Hillary Clinton to Marine One helicopter pilot to turn back while en route to Air Force One.) "A right-wing network was after his presidency...including perverting the Constitution." (Hillary Clinton to Barbara Walters about the Republicans who impeached her husband; 20/20, ABC 6/8/2003.) "Son of a bitch!" (From the book "American Evita" by Christopher Anderson, p. 259 Hillary's opinion of President George W. Bush when she found out he secretly visited Iraq just days before her highly publicized trip to Iraq.) "What are you doing inviting these people into my home? These people are our enemies! They are trying to destroy us!" (From the book "The Survivor" by John Harris, p. 99 - Hillary Clinton screaming to an aide, when she found out that some Republicans had been invited to the Clinton White House.) "I mean, you've got a conservative and right-wing press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum." (C-Span, 1/19/1997 - Hillary complains about the mainstream media, which are all conservatives in her opinion.) "Come on Bill, put your dick up! You can't f**k her here!" (From the book "Inside The White House" by Ronald Kessler, p. 243 - Hillary to her husband, Gov. Bill Clinton, when she spots him talking with an attractive female at an Arkansas political rally.) "You know, I'm going to start thanking the woman who cleans the restroom in the building I work in. I'm going to start thinking of her as a human being." - Hillary Clinton (From the book "The Case Against Hillary Clinton" by Peggy Noonan, p. 55.) "You show people what you're willing to fight for when you fight your friends." (From the book "The Agenda" by Bob Woodward, ch. 14) "We are at a stage in history in which remolding society is one of the great challenges facing all of us in the West." (From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper, p. 119 - During Hillary Clinton's 1993 commencement address at the University of Texas.) "The only way to make a difference is to acquire power!" (From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper, p. 68 - Hillary Clinton to a friend before starting law school.) "We just can't trust the American people to make those types of choices.... Government has to make those choices for people." (From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper, p. 20 - Hillary Clinton to Rep. Dennis Hastert in 1993 discussing her expensive, disastrous taxpayer-funded health care plan) "I am a fan of the social policies that you find in Europe." - Hillary Clinton in 1996," From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper, p. 76 - Hillary in 1996.) This ill-tempered, violent, foul mouthed, hateful and abusive woman wants to be our president and have total control as commander-in-chief of a military that her party so openly and proudly admit they detest. Can you see she gaining the respect of other nations, and especially from their leaders, who refuse to do as she tells them ...or else. No thanks, our country deserves a better leader, not a dominatrix bitch!

1. Scientific tests find that when women make love, they produce double amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth. 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscles in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps and you don’t need special sneakers! 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! 7. Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium. 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restrict blood vessels in the brain. 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS . And for your further information... HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a " BREASTED AMERICAN." 2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER." HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is " OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He devel op s a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

I have been in the navy for over 17yrs..and most of it, i wouldnt change at all with the time that i have done. our uniforms have always been distinctive if not a bit of fodder for gay jokes, but you could always tell a sailor in his uniform. there has been serious discussion over the last 2+ yrs or so about uniform changes. SERIOUS CHANGES! I have had the same style of unifoms with the exception of the working uniform. it was called dungarees. the pants were like blue jeans but not quite as cool. if you can imagine the back pockets on most jeans, we had 4 of them. 2 on the front and 2 on the back. over the right back pocket, our name had to be stenciled on the pants to facilitate returning of your pants back to your rack when laundry was passed out when we were out to sea. they were also true bell bottoms. the reason for this was, that if we ever had to abandon ship in the ocean, we could take our pants off over our boots, which you wanted to keep on when you entered the water incase of debris that could hurt you. so after swimming away from the ship if there were few life rafts, you take off your boots and tie them together and hang them around your neck as you want to keep them, if/when you make landfall. you take your pants off, tie the legs very near the bottom and making sure the pants stay wet. you can blow or slap air into the pants making them into a flotation device that needs very little maintenance as long as you kept the wet. The old shirt was called a "chambrie" shirt. it looked like a work shirt from a gas station. and when put all together, it kinda looked like a prision uniform....(swear to god...we used to joke about it in boot camp all the time....) we also had to stencil that shirt with our last name over our right pocket. the working white uniforms...kind of looked like the good humor man uniform if you have nothing on it. and the cotton ones got dirty very quickly. it took me a few years, but i finally went and got the all polyester short sleeve whites. they looked better and dont get as quickly dirty. the dress whites have always been polyester. we all know what the dress blues look like with the piping on them. the really bad things about the uniform was how hard the top was to get in and out of and then pants were held on the waist, by i kid you not, 13 bottons. 2 for the waist band, and the bottom of that held the top of center of the "flap" that was the front of the uniform. i called it the "Marine Feeding Tray". heven help you if you went out drinking. you learned to only button a few of them for ease of opening them... the working blues, which we called "Johnny Cash's" was a dress pant and matching shirt with a regular neck tie. as soon as i got out of boot camp, i went and bought a clip on. i hate neckties....to be honest, they reminded me of Nazi SS uniforms..... coveralls were for the longest time not in the sea bag and were used just for dirty jobs on the ship. when they changed to the new utilites which has normal work pants and the style, cut and material of the shirt is also different. it really no longer looks like a prision uniform. it look like what a supervisior of a maintenance company might wear. when they changed the utilities, they changed the coveralls to a uniform item. we have to have ranks on the collar as well as patches for the name on the chest as well as us navy and any warfare designation. mine is surface warfare so the pin/patch for that looks like a ship from a front view, with crossed cutlasses under the ship, that is cutting through water. what i dont like about it now is that you can wear coveralls pretty much anywhere on the pier in the us, but here people can wear them to the fleet recreation center to the food vendors if they are free of dirt. my question is...why are you wearing them to begin with if your not doing a dirty job? well, the new uniforms will be getting rid of the working whites, blues and coveralls. it is going to be like the digital cammies the other branches have. i think they will be in grey, white and black. i think it will look very cool. but they are changing the dress uniforms to more of a WW2 style undress uniform. in certain instances you wont need the neck tie and the whites will go to black pants and a grey top. the blue pants, the bottons will become decorative as they are going to put a hidden fly in them. i am not sure its i good idea to do all these changes at one time, and also the fact is that i will have to pay for uniforms that will only wear for maybe a year or so. i will aslo have to have, get this, a full sea bag inspection, when i out process....so i have to have all of the uniforms in the right numbers....WTF!! i just dont think that i should have to buy these new uniforms and the change for one, is going to be dramatic for almost everyone?

Saturday, sept 16, 2007 An Open Letter To The Atlanta Chapter of the NAACP Dear Dr. RL White, Head of the Atlanta Chapter of the NAACP, My name is Pete. I am 27, and I am neither a member of your organization nor a resident of Atlanta. Normally I wouldn't bother you, but then I came across this article, and it compelled me to write. Since I am white, I am going to tread carefully, so as not to offend your gentle sensibilities. But, Dr. White, you are a dumb ass. Speaking for white people everywhere, let me fill you in on something. This case was not a race issue. It was about killing dogs. And if there is one thing people don't stand for, regardless of race, it's killing dogs. You compared it to deer hunting. Again, Dr. White, you are a dumb ass. When was the last time a deer greeted you at the door when you got home from work? Or curled up next to you and gently nuzzled in to take a nap? Dogs are pets, you moron. They aren't meant to be killed for sport. The failure to make this distinction only makes you look more stupid. Sorry, I lost my temper there. Here's the thing, Dr. White. The reason people were outraged by this was because he killed dogs. If Ben Roethlisberger or Brett Favre had done it, the reaction would have been the same, I guarantee you. The difference is, had Ben Roethlisberger or Brett Favre done this, you wouldn't see white supporters rallying behind them, proclaiming he was innocent in the face of mountains of damning evidence, supporting him regardless of the outcome. Let me let you in on a secret about white people; when one of our own makes us look bad, we condemn him and disown them. I suggest you adopt a similar policy. If your group's mission is truly to advance "colored" people (your word, not mine) you'd disassociate from the idiots in your race. you can't go wrong, trust me. Anyway, Dr. White, I don't want this to come off as racist, because it isn't. Michael Vick is a despicable person who happens to be black. The sooner you realize that, the less of a dumb ass you'll look like. Sincerely, Pete