My thoughts.........take them as you will!
Current mood:Sad/Crying/Thoughtful
I have been reading a lot of these in the bulletin boards of the various sites that I belong to, and i thought Id throw in my 2 cents worth. I realize I can be a long winded son of a bitch. But I am getting really frustrated with the whole " Why are men/women so fucking complicated" routine. I just want to cry. Some I'm going to lay out the basic framework of men. I have dated numerous men and women over the years. And while I am not a relationship expert, I have made a tremendous number of mistakes and learned from them. I have also been the saint in a relationship or two and still been shit on. So with this in mind. I give you my thoughts................
Men are very base creatures by nature. We are generally the hunter/gatherer. We feel the need to provide and protect. We are very callous and caustic by nature when interacting with members of our own sex. Everyone of us believes himself to be the alpha male of the pack. Whether we are or not. We come in all shapes and sizes. Big and small, tall and thin, short and fat, and every combination and color in between. We protect what we believe to be "ours" whether it be an object or possession or a person. We can be very fiercely passionate about almost anything. But the showing of that emotion outside of ourselves is a rare thing.
Most of us have had it beat into our heads at an early age ( physically or otherwise) that the showing of emotion is unmanly. and therefore to be avoided at all costs. While we can share this emotional state with our partners. It is still very difficult to express something that has been ingrained in our minds that we shouldn't. So most of the time we don't share this or when we do it is on an extremely limited basis.
We have the same emotional range that women do. But our conditioning as it were has put the expressing of certain emotions in a bad light. But we shrug it off and think it unmanly to express such things. Thus there the problems really begin for inter sex relations as we don't express the full gamut of emotions that a female will. This isn't to say that we don't feel these emotions its just that they arent expressed openly.
We all have the same insecurities: jealousy,trust,betrayal,self esteem issues,self worth, social anxiety,etc,etc. I do honestly believe that most men are just better at hiding them. At least until a relationship gets to the point where things are about to go to another level, and hes laid bare bones before his significant other.
I am not about to go into all the vagaries of individual personalities and their flaws. Liars,cheaters, abusers,and so on. As those behaviors are a product of the old nature vs. nurture argument. While it is true that a person raised in a violent situation is more likely to repeat that pattern in adulthood. That is not always true. It is also true that the exact opposite is also sometimes true.
But anyway the purpose of this blog is not to analyze the male thought process as we would be here for years. The purpose of this is to give the womenfolk some insight into how we "generally" react or fail to react to certain situations. I hope Ive covered as much as possible given my mere 32 years of experience. Happy reading!!!
A man may flirt about all day long. But he is still thinking about the woman he has at home. Most times it is an insecurity that makes him feel the need to be needed as much as possible by as many people as possible.
A man is way more emotional than you may think. Just because he doesn't cry at the end of " The Notebook" doesn't mean he doesn't want to. It just been programmed into him not too.
A man will go to great lengths to get a woman's attention. Even negative attention is still attention on a much baser level. This is the peacock display. The better our feathers look, the brighter they are, and the more there are of them. The more women will notice them. This is a very normal behavior. Some men take it to ridiculous lengths, but it is normal.
Most men are typically insecure on some level. Some more so than others. We feel the need to possess people, places, and things. We want to be the only man you talk to. Partially out of jealousy, and partially due to insecurities. We want to be the only man "you" need. Not because we don't mind you having other males around. but that brings in the protector side of us. This most of the time doesn't end well for all parties involved. But it can be overcome.
Communication on an emotional level is difficult for us at the best of times. Even alone with us you've probably noticed that talking about emotions is kind of like pulling teeth at times. The times we do speak of these things. please listen as you have no idea how difficult it is to do so. Leaving a man with a hanging message: "You know what? Um. never mind." will drive him to extreme lengths to try and figure out what it was that he did wrong. And because base communication is very difficult during normal times, these heightened times will drive them to jump to extreme conclusions as they try and figure out where their mistake was made at.
When a man is comfortable enough with you to let you in and talk about the things on his mind or his emotions. The best response you can ever give is to just listen. Don't just "hear" what he has to say "listen" to what he has to say. Their is a massive difference between listening to someone and hearing them. Sadly both sexes seem to have this same problem in differentiating between the two.
It may sound like a bit of a stretch, but at least in my case and a few others Ive found out that. Men love you a lot more than you love them. As their is not accurate gauge on which to measure emotional response. I have thought and thought on this and its been my experience that when I tell you " I love you". it isn't just a series of words strung together. It means "I will die for you", "I will protect you from all harm", "I will provide/take care of you forever", " I will sacrifice everything i am to make sure your all you can be". PERIOD, no shortcuts, no breaks, nothing. Yes! Katie Mae this means you too. Most men are "all or nothing" types. It either one extreme or the other. But almost never have I seen this level of commitment of a woman's part. If I could get a tenth of what I put into a relationship out of it. I could die a happy man.
This may also explain why some men are not comfortable being friends with an ex-girlfriend. But it also has a lot to do with our insecurities, because we feel that everything we are isn't enough for you. That's why guys 99% of the time have a harder time with break ups. You almost never hear of a woman attempting suicide because her boyfriend left. Men do it all the time. Due to the same insecurities that drive us to seek out one who completes us. it the same insecurities that push a man over the edge.
Men use a lot of colorful language to describe women they find attractive. Hot , Cute, DDAAMMNN. and so on. Words such as gorgeous and beautiful are not heard as often. not because of a deficient vocabulary, but because using such terms will give someone else too much insight as to how hes feelings or thinking at that time. Remember that showing any emotion is something were not programmed to do right from the start. It really sux too, as that is a double edged sword. Show nothing at all and your considered a heartless bastard, show too much and your a wish-washy little bitch. go figure
Men being such as they are with showing little to no emotion at all in the beginning. Are very emotional creatures. it just takes a little digging to get past all the years of brain washing to find out who they really are. They will rarely tell you how we are feeling or thinking about something. When we say that we "are going crazy over you" we usually are!
Men will also fight exceedingly hard to push you and everyone else away from him when he is up against a problem of magnitude. In reality the harder we push you away the harder we want you to push to get closer. Once again the inferiority complex is kicking in. We need to be wanted and needed. But for some reason all our programming tells us to push you away when we need you the most.
No man can handle all his problems on his own. Not one of us can. But very few indeed will ever admit to that fact. I myself have been guilty of this many times.
Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you. Truly loved you, he still does. Women seem to have this gift ( in my experience anyway) of totally blocking others from seeing any emotions at all. especially when their hurt. Some kind of evolutionary throwback that tells you to not show a weakness. ( sound familiar!!) and if he had one wish it would be you to come back
into his life.
Yes sad as it is to say it. We are just poor communicators, with too many sources of input with not enough outputs. I cant even begin to tell you that this is the roughest of rough drafts that has ever existed. The infinite combination's of nature and environment take on so many forms that to classify one individual is nearly impossible. But to catch the briefest glimpse into the mind of the beast is sometimes a blessing. Ill prolly get yelled at for generalizing to much or not enough, because people will not take into account that everyone is different. We are all the same species, but the various things that make us who we are is so vastly different that if would take lifetimes to decipher it all. Better to not know.
In parting I want you women to know this record is based on "MY" experiences and on those of the people close to my life. If your man doesn't fit in here. Fine, but maybe this will give you a guide to better understanding him. I'm putting this out there in the hopes that the next woman to come into my life will be prepared. I don't throw "I Love You" out there for sport or to make you more sexually available. I mean what I say. I love with every fiber of my being. With all that I am. This last break up has affected me more deeply than I ever thought possible. It was all in part due to my misinterpretations of her feelings, and her own emotional demons that she couldn't face. I will deal with this for the rest of my life. I will forever have you in my heart and on my mind Lisa. Please get better, if not for my sake. than for the sake of the next man you do this too.
Good night
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