i hate feeling like this. it has been 17 days now. i am on a ride that i cant get off of. and i want to tear my hair out. i want to sit in a corner and cry. instead i smile and pretend like there is nothing wrong. i have been told that i should talk about it. talk about what? how can i explain what i am feeling? i dont have the words. too many people depend on my sanity. i feel lost and helpless. but those are just words. i cant get out what it is really like inside. emotional claustrophobia. the walls close in and i see dark, scary things behind my eyes. but i smile and pop another xanax. maybe i am just supposed to be nuts. how the hell should i know. this isnt my plan. oh well.
