sad realization of reality
you know i have really been thinking about thing lately and this is my vent. whe we are young we are niave to the ways of the world we go through our life wanting to be older. we want t be 16 so we can drive we want to be 18 so we can buy cigerette, get into clubs and be an adult and then best one of all is we want to be 21 so we can drink. Well im there. its not any different really. i remeber when i was in school i had friends who i thought would always be my bst friends. i had a boyfriend whom i thought would one day be my husband and we would have a nice house int he country with kids and a dog. well i have realized those that you think will always be there rarely are. and it isnt that it is necassarily their fault. it is just how life goes. some friends will go to college, some will have families, some get jobs in the city and move away. while others arent as lucky for a brighter future the town i spent majority of my life in seems to drag people down. Most of my friends whom i thoughtwould always be there are so strung out on meth and other shit that they have wasted there lives away. they have lost thier kids, they have been in jail, they have feony charges that will forever linger with them, and worst of all they have no ambition they are completely happy be the meth hore they have become. and these are not people you would typically label white trash. they come from a strong family they graduated school and maybe attempted coolege but now they cant even hold a legitamit job at a gas station. it breaks my heart to go back home because i know i was one of the lucky ones. i know wht they are going through i was there. i did my junior and senior year as high as a kite. i use to sneak into the bathroom just to get a bump of that shit that i thought would make me happier. it took over what could have been two of the best years of my life. when it first started i just did it for the energy ...then i did it because when i didnt the mood swings and withdrawels were to much to handel i pushed my family away, i pushed the loe of my life at that time away and i turned my back on friends. i put myself in an abusive relationship because he was a valuable hook up. i am not talking down on these people who do this now because i know how hard it is to just walk away there is something about that drug that justifies your idiotic actions into you thinking that is the best decision. i pissed aways my chances of a college education. i lost the respect of my family and i almost went to jail. I dont regret this though because when i finally relized i had nothing more to loose and no one to turn to it was my slap in the face that brought me back to reality. i guess part of the believed that once i quit everyone else would too....not true. it kills me to see my high school friends with the same zombie glazed look in their sunken eyes as i had . i can only pray that they will one day realize wht i realized because the only time you can change is when you really want to. no one can make you change. i thank god for the blessings he has given me and the blessings i still have yet to recieve i apoligize to those that i pushed away when they tried to help me and i pray for the ones who still need to be helped. god is good and he has a plan
