Fubar Blog Posts 2

How To Spank
In this blog I will discuss how to spank a wife. Spanking you wife has two main issues, safety and effectiveness. Although the purpose of a spanking is to cause her bottom to be sore and red, you also need to be safe about spanking her. The HOH should not try to inflict any real damage or physical harm to his wife rear end, you are not out to break skin or leave marks for weeks, but to cause and attitude change. Breaking skin and doing real damage or physical harm can be interpreted as violence and not discipline. The simplest way to spank her is with your hand, for safety reason, also no matter where you are when she misbehaves you have you hand at the ready to correct her. Never spank above the cleft between her butt cheeks, because you could accidentally injure your wife, the best place will always be the bottom and a little on the back of the thighs. Take care when using instruments that you don't swing as hard as you might by hand, because the can really over due a spanking

How To Get A Refund
Remember this the next time you need to return something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!! A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" and doing so draws an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are yo

How To Become A Gypsy Queen
How do you apply to become a Gypsy Queen? Current mood: productive We're looking for smart, classy, inked women that are beautiful inside and out throughout the country to promote the art of tattoos.Tats not tits!!!! No nudity involved! If you're interested...we start out by having all of our new gypsy queens fill out the questionaire below......which helps us to know your personality and likes ....etc. Simply copy and paste it into a message and send it back to us once it's complete! Here's our questionaire....... 1) FULL NAME: 2) STAGE NAME: 3) DATE OF BIRTH: ( AGE WON'T BE DISPLAYED ON PROFILE) 4) MAILING ADDRESS: 5) E-MAIL ADDRESS: 6) MYSPACE URL & INKEDNATION URL: (ADD US TO YOUR FRIENDS AND ALSO USE YOUR STAGE NAME AS YOUR DISPLAY NAME) 7) TELEPHONE/CELL PHONE: 8) HOW MANY TATTOOS AND THEIR LOCATION?: {INCLUDE PHOTOS VIA PHOTOBUCKET} OR (PHOTOS ONLY CAN BE EMAILED TO BIGWAZOOGIRL1@YAHOO.COM) 9) TOP 5 BANDS: 10)

How To Succeed At Anything.
Thomas Edison tried over 10,000 elements to try to make a light bulb. About half way a journalist interviewing him asked "You have failed over 5,000 times?" Edison replied, "No. We've been successful at discovering over 5,000 on how not to make a light bulb. There is only success in learning. The only way you can fail and be a loser is to not learn anything at all. We are imperfect because we are here to learn. There is no perfection, but wanting things to be great is a perfection energy. What you do doesn't matter. Just be happy for no reason and then you can love unconditonally and do what you will. Love is the only truth. Fear and it's emotions and actions - hatred, murder, judgment, irresponsibility, remaing ignorant by choosing not to learn, etc., are not options. You are a god with free will and the Grand Creator of your own life. You choose your emotions, actions, happiness, health, purpose/meaning/mission in life and create EVERY circumstance in your life, consci

How To Collect $0 Checks From Twc... ?!
This kind of screwed me up for a while. Last week, I finally put in for unemployment through the TWC's website. I get a response a few days later... saying that I'm denied, but with instructions on how to collect NO MONEY. They even want me to head to one of the offices for an interview and counseling. I'm sitting here thinking, 'This is our state govermnent? The HELL?!' So now what? Go with what they're saying or call someone and ask them exactly why they seem to be running on crack and Mickey's?

How To Treat A Lady
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that. 2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.) 3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up. 4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care. 5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement. 6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies. 7. If you're talking

How To Really Piss Me Off...
Ok...I am needing to vent a bit. I am a very laid back person...I am nice to pretty much everyone, and I don't ask for alot out of my friends. All I ask is that you are honest with me...do not play stupid drama games...and treat me with the same respect I show you. Last year I was trying to take a friendship with a man I had known for quite a while to the next level. He had alot of "issues" and things never progressed. That was fine. I still respected him as my friend. I found out later that he was lying to me, and ABOUT me to everyone we knew as well as sleeping with the biggest skank I have ever seen the whole time. I found all this out from a mutual friend that I thought I could really trust. She ranted about him and how she hated him and would never talk to him again. Last night...my best friend "Zombie" and I went into the bar that she works at and the drama really hit the fan!!!! First...she started trying to start shit by making up stuff that my current boyfriend had

How To Earn A Desk!
Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom. The kids came into first period, they walked in, there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them." They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades." "No," she said. "Maybe it's our behavior." And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior." And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing, third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period

How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mo

How The Earth Came To Be
The earth is a great island floating in a sea of water, and suspended at each of the four cardinal points by a cord hanging down from the sky vault, which is of solid rock. When the world grows old and worn out, the people will die and the cords will break and let the earth sink down into the ocean, and all will be water again. The Indians are afraid of this. When all was water, the animals were above in Gälûñ'lätï, beyond the arch; but it was very much crowded, and they were wanting more room. They wondered what was below the water, and at last Dâyuni'sï, "Beaver's Grandchild," the little Water-beetle, offered to go and see if it could learn. It darted in every direction over the surface of the water, but could find no firm place to rest. Then it dived to the bottom and came up with some soft mud, which began to grow and spread on every side until it became the island which we call the earth. It was afterward fastened to the sky with four cords, but no one remembers who did this.

How To Stop Picking The Wrong Guys
How To Stop Picking The Wrong Guys *Tip: If you keep picking all the wrong men (or men who are "taken") and you have a NEGATIVE PATTERN in your relationships, then guess what? It's NOT because all the men out there just don't "get it". It's because YOU keep putting yourself in the same wrong situations. If you'd like to quickly BREAK THE HABIT of making poor decisions with men and start ATTRACTING THE RIGHT MAN for a loving and lasting relationship, then read THIS: http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/e/12833/ReadyForLove/ Dear Crystal, Have you ever found yourself wishing that you could find a great guy for a lasting relationship... only later to recognize that all you're actually doing is dating the wrong "unavailable" men instead? It's at this point that "dating" and trying to find the right guy can feel like a complete waste of time. If you're like lots of women, then the idea of having a loving and committed relationship with a great gu

How True Is This??
Recently a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the human resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But nooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

How The World Was Made (cherokee)
The earth is a great island floating in a sea of water, and suspended at each of the four cardinal points by a cord hanging down from the sky vault, which is of solid rock. When the world grows old and worn out, the people will die and the cords will break and let the earth sink down into the ocean, and all will be water again. The Indians are afraid of this. When all was water, the animals were above in Gälûñ'lätï, beyond the arch; but it was very much crowded, and they were wanting more room. They wondered what was below the water, and at last Dâyuni'sï, "Beaver's Grandchild," the little Water-beetle, offered to go and see if it could learn. It darted in every direction over the surface of the water, but could find no firm place to rest. Then it dived to the bottom and came up with some soft mud, which began to grow and spread on every side until it became the island which we call the earth. It was afterward fastened to the sky with four cords, but no one remembers who did this.

How To Make A Woman Happy
________________________________________ How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. cap able 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. n

How To Tell If A Guy Feels For You
so as i sit here i wonder how can u tell what a guy feels for u. why is it they say one thing and then go and do another. Just when u think u got a man figured out he goes and says something that makes u wonder what the hell hes thinking. I cant figure men out sometimes.

How The Earth Was Made (creek)
At last the excitement had died down. The news that Crawfish had brought back to the Council from the new lands below was important. Birds, he explained, could live on the new lands; animals could find their food for their survival. The mighty Eagle walked to the center of the fire and began to speak: "We are all filled with joy in our hearts to find that we cannot only send fish, but also birds and animals. Now we must prepare the lands for the coming of the new creatures, for they cannot live on the lands as they are now. I have an idea. I will ask permission from the Great Council to help create better land below." "Yes, yes," the Council cried, "It is our wish that the lands be a good place to live." The Eagle walked to the Crawfish and took the wet soil from between his claws. Round and round he rolled the soil between his powerful legs. Then, with a mighty flapping of his huge wings, he soared high above the Council. "What is he doing with the earth in his legs?" Does he in

How The Clans Came To Be (creek)
In the beginning, the Muscogee people were born out of the earth itself. They crawled up out of the ground through a hole like ants. In those days, they lived in a far western land beside tan mountains that reached the sky. They called the mountains the backbone of the earth. Then a thick fog descended upon the earth, sent by the Master of Breath, Esakitaummesee. The Muscogee people could not see. They wandered around blindly, calling out to one another in fear. They drifted apart and became lost. The whole people were separated into small groups, and these groups stayed close to one another in fear of being entirely alone. Finally, the Master had mercy on them. From the eastern edge of the world, where the sun rises, he began to blow away the fog. He blew and blew until the fog was completely gone. The people were joyful and sang a hymn of thanksgiving to the Master of Breath. And in each of the groups, the people turned to one another and swore eternal brotherhood. They said th

How To Meet People..........
Don't talk nonsense, it is easy to meet people. - Do you think? - Not really. - If someone is shy, or if someone can't get out of his place, perhaps he's in hospital, then they need to use the modern communication to take part. - This is right. - Think in the great scientist, Stephen Hawking. He can't talk anymore directly himself, he uses a computer to tell the others, what he wants to say. - So, is this a good answer? - Not at all, there are a few more..........but I can't answer them all :)

How To Get Candle Wax Out Of Carpets
Ok being a house mom we have acidents some are horrible and some are simple but wax is gooie and then hardens. Well I have the solution heres what works the best. first freeze the lage chunks and scrape then take a clean towl or rag and an iron that has steam setting keep it on low heat. Then Iron and lift and your all done the wax transfers to the towel.

How To Measure Success....
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to win the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayed of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better; whether by a healthy child, a redeemed social condition, or a job well done; to know even one other life has breathed because you lived- this is to have succeeded. Ralph Waldo Emerson

How To Stay Young
HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times! 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches;) 3. Keep learning : Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER. 6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, pres

How To Get What I Want In Life...it Wasn't Easy...
How to get what you want in life is now starting to come together. Well as many know i've been working hard despite struggling with not only school but work and dilligently saving towards my motorcycle. It's been a hard and long road but i've finally gotten what i've wanted. I got a new sound system in my car, i've got an amazing helmit and jacket for my bike, and a great bike (Ninja 650) on the way which i will have in August. I am more than excited. My mid terms for school are tommrow and i'm very confident that i will pass and not get dropped. I just can't wait. Im doing great and i know it. I've been making all passing grades with my tests, and it's just wonderful. I just can't wait to see what else is in store for me. Life at this moment is very grand.

How To Handle A Husband
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." "We proceeded a little further her and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did y

How To Find And Keep A Dom/me
How to Find and Keep a Dom/me Lately, I've seen a lot of my submissive pals going through hard times: having bad luck finding the right online Dom/me, feeling frustrated with the Dom/me, losing the Dom/me. I'd like to share my thoughts on how to find and keep a good online Dom/me: what I've come to understand through my own experiences, watching the experiences of others, and from observing and learning from my Mistress, Lady Cauchemar. Note: these are my own opinions, not necessarily those of my Mistress or the IR management. And there is certainly more than one way of approaching many of these matters; this is the way that *I* think works best. These comments are also aimed more at the beginner and novice online submissive who is looking for a more serious relationship with a dominant, whether that involves a formal collar or not. If you are only interested in your basic netsex slap-n-lick, then much of the following may not be necessary. 1. Don't Be A Pest! A twisted logic

How To Make An Animated Button
First off, you probably have some idea what you want your animation to be. If not, then figure it out and make it yourself, because there are just WAY too many possibilities there. Once you have your idea made and animated (preferably with a gif animator like Photoshop or (my favorite) Ulead, you're ready to make it into a button. Flash can export gif files, but they come out REALLY grainy, so go with a dedicated gif animator. It just looks better, trust me. The first thing you want to do is open an unnamed, empty movie clip. Hit CTRL+F8 to do this, and you will open a new window with nothing in it and a generic title. Import your animation by hitting CTRL+R, and resize it to what you want your button to be. Now why are you making a movie clip instead of a button? Because porcupines are spiny. Just kidding. You have to use this movie clip because the button is only going to be on one frame itself. When you have your animation in the movie clip, go ahead and return to

How To Tell The Sex Of A Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies" he responded. "Oh! Killing any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone !

"how To Be An Artist" By Sark (one Of My Favorite Poems) I Hope You Like It As Much As I Did
Current mood: creative Category: Life How to be an artist Stay loose. Learn to watch snails. Plant impossible gardens. Invite someone dangerous to tea. Make little signs that say Yes! and post them all over your house. Make friends with freedom and uncertainty. Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies. Swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight. Cultivate moods. Refuse to 'be responsible'. Do it for love. Take lots of naps. Give money away. Do it now. The mooney will follow. Believe in magic. Laugh a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous moment. Take moonbaths. Have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm. Draw on the walls. Read everyday. Imagine yourself magic. Giggle with children. Listen to old people. Open up. Dive in. Be free. Bless yourself. Drive away fear. Play with everything. Entertain your inner child. You are innocent. Build a fort with blankkets. Get wet. Hug Trees. Write love letters. -SARK

How To Save Gas
Solution to Save Gasoline Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter llegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.

How The World Sees Me
How the World Sees Me (4.24.02) I am the abnormal in this world, I say spook, is what I am others say Goth is more like it. Many souls see the shell, but few see the truth that lies within. I have the kindness of a saint and the hatred of all, but I am me. I am who I am by those who treasure this soul, not by those who disregard it. I have seen the darkness that this world creates; I choose neither darkness nor the path of light. The things I do make me; my actions, thoughts, and feelings, all make me, no other but myself.

How To See My "private" Pics.....
I have recently made my MOST naughty pictures private to family only. The reason being... People are NOT rating my "regular" pics :( Just look and leave. Many men adding me want to see the naughty pics immediately without even rating my regular pics, and then look at my naughty pics with no rates either. I know comments take much too long.. but if your looking, at least throw me a 10 :) To view those pics you will need to be put into my family. If you wish to do so.. please let me know. I rotate this list... so its best to ask when I am on... because I will be rotating the list the next time I am on, and I may not know if you have had a chance to look. Thank you everyone... ***HUGS AND KISSES AND ALL THAT SHIT*** Mary "The Cherry Bomb" (AKA Sexy Milf) Berry

How To Turn Someone Into A Budwieser Frog
How to Turn Someone Into A Budwieser Frog Throughout the years shamans have practised shapeshifting, the act of changing into an animal. Did they really change into an animal or did they appear to? Have you noticed that some people seem to have a certain animal energy? Some look and act like a cat when you look at and talk with them. Others remind you of a dog and still others remind you of a bear. Are they shapeshifting or do they think like that animal which they resemble? Do others see them as you do? In this spell to change someone into a frog I am not saying literally change them into a frog but change the way people look at them and how they look at themselves. Their dreams will be of wallowing in mud and eating bugs. To reverse the spell do a symbolic death of them as a frog and a rebirth as a human. SUPPLIES: 4 Blue candles (relates to water, the frogs home) Water incense (any) Frog (Don't worry, we won't be sacrificing it) Clear glass Beermug (for f

How To Comment Bomb!!!!!!!!
All comment bombing consists of is dropping comments on a picture more than 100 times...on the SAME picture.....this is for contests only....we are a bombing family so there for we comment bomb and if you are not willing to do that then dont waist the both of our time.....

How To Know Where A Driver Is From
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator: California With gun in lap: L.A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road:

How To Call The Police When You're Old And Don't Move Fast Anymore.
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that yo

How To Tell Your Age
YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway! YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH This is pretty clever. DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ... use a calculator if you need to. Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked finished! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun and it WILL work. 1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10) 2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold) 3. Add 5 4. Multiply it by 50 5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757... If you haven't, add 1756. 6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in

How To Start Each Day With A Positive Outlook
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK 1. Open a new file in your computer. 2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton" 3. Send it to the trash bin. 4. Empty the trash. 5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?" 6. Firmly Click "Yes." 7. Feel better. PS: Next week we'll do

How To Get Things Done
Do not pray for easier lives, pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work will be no miracle, but YOU will be a miracle. - Phillips Brooks

How To Identify A Military Wife/fiance/girlfriend
1. We own at least one artice of clothing that says our man's Military Branch on it and wear it at least once a week. 2. Our AOL/ Yahoo/Myspace/Xanga ect. profiles have something to do with military or have song lyrics in them. 3. We know what the terms Head, Rack, Field Day and PT mean and have no trouble using them on a daily basis. 4. We know the difference between a Recruit, Enlisted, Officer and know the rank structure like the back of our hand. 5. We feel every note of the songs "I'm Already There", "When I'm Gone", "Here Without You", "Proud to be an American" and "The National Anthem" (it is usually one of these songs whose lyrics can be found in our profile, LOL!!!) 6. We watch the news and cry hysterically for fallen Marines, Soldiers, Airmen and Sailors and no one seems to understand why. 7. We just cry.... and cry.... and cry... and cry for no reason at all and we are fine with that!! (It's normal isn't it?). 8. We have at least one (but p

How To Destroy The American Dream
(Speech was given in June 2005) We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado. In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Last week there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington , DC , filled to capacity by many of American's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal - was destroying the entire state of California. He said it would march across the country until it destroyed all vestiges of The American Dream. Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and gave a stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat spellbound as he described eight methods for the destruction of the United States . He said, "If you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history has survive

How To Handle Doubters
...it's really quite simple. Whenever you hear anyone sounding off on internal freedom and conscious-expanding foods and drugs, whether pro or con, check out these questions: 1. Is your expert talking from direct experience, or simply repeating cliches? Theologians and intellectuals often deprecate "experience" in favor of fact and concept. This classic debate is falsely labeled. Most often it becomes a case of "experience" vs. "inexperience". 2. Do his words spring from a spiritual or mundane point of view? Is he motivated by a dedicated quest for answers to basic questions, or is he protecting his own social-psychological position, his own game investment? Is he struggling towards sainthood, or is he maintaining his status as a hard-boiled scientist or hard-boiled cop? 3. How would his argument sound if it was heard in a different culture? (for example, in an African jungle hut, a ghat on the Ganges, or on another planet inhabited by a form of life superior to ours) or in a

How To Spot Fakes, Spam Bots And Scam Profiles On Myspace
Sunday, June 10, 2007 How to spot fake profiles, scammers, and spam bots Current mood: geeky Category: MySpace I know I have posted a similar blog about this but, some of my new readers may have not read back that far. As a regular blogger, I have noticed that every time I post a blog, my mailbox gets at least 3-4 fake profile e-mails. If you don't believe that, just post a "test" blog. Here are some tips that I have learned to tell if the e-mails are spam bots, scam artists or bogus profiles from folks in Africa: 1) Almost every single one of them have "professional" quality pics. 2) The body of the letter has a lot of grammatical errors and misspellings. 3) It is usually a very long letter. Some examples of the letter's contents are: A) A man talking about how his wife has passed away and he has to raise his child alone. B) They state they are contractors living abroad and are wanting contacts. (see below) C) Your picture has been chos

How To Deal With Stress
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work. 1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water. 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 4. No one knows your secret place. 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world. 6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater. 8. See? It really does work. You're smiling already

How To Make Candles.
You need to obtain the following supplies: * 2-4 pounds of Paraffin Wax (the kind used in canning) or beeswax (which is usually expensive). * Candle wick (available at most hobby and craft stores) * oils and herbs (for scent and magickal goals) * candle dye (also expensive) or crayons (for color) * wax paper * a wooden spoon * a double broiler Begin by melting the wax in a double broiler. If you don't have one, you can use a large pot filled half full of water and a large coffee tin with the wax in it, sitting inside the pot. Heat the water to boiling first and cut up your wax so it will melt quickly. Once the water is boiling, turn the heat down and place the tin of wax inside of it. Keep the water hot enough to keep the wax melted but not so hot that the paraffin catches fire (which it has been known to do over high heat). While the wax to melting, stir with a wooden spoon (never use metal) & make sure it all is completely melted. Also,

How To Piss Of Cops
1) When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, officer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 3) When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4) If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer doesn't go that high. 5) Touch him. 6) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. 7) Ask him where he bought his cool hat. 8) Refer to him by his first name. 9) Pretend you are gay and ask him out. 10) When he says no, cry. 11) If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment. 12) If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way. 13) If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood. 14) When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way. 15) When he puts handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first" 16) Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fi

How To Find Her G-spot
That Really Hit the G-spot! Did you know that women could have more than one kind of orgasm? Yep, not only are the lucky creatures the owner of the only body part dedicated solely to arousal and sexual pleasure (the love button – aka the clitoris), and able to have multiple orgasms with no down time to recharge, women are also able to have several different types of orgasms from genital stimulation. Let me break away here for a moment and note that both men and women have the capacity to experience full body orgasms (where men learn to orgasm throughout their entire body without ejaculating, meaning they don’t experience the “down” period of tiredness ejaculation brings on) but that will be the subject of a different article (don’t’ worry, I’m hot on the case doing research). G-spot And Orgasms So back to girls and the different types of genital orgasms they can experience. Just about all-genital arousal for women starts with the clitoris; so ignore this magnificent bundl

How To Last Longer In Bed
Stamina is something every man in the world seeks… and every woman. Many women don't want to go 7 hours having nonstop sex - that is a myth. Women want sex that is "SATISFYING". That could be for 2 minutes or 2 hours and as long as it is satisfying then they will keep coming back for more. The only clause to that statement is: Even if she can be satisfied in 2 minutes it is not recommended to do that often. Lasting longer in bed or having more stamina is a great combination of both mind and body. You must first step aside from the belief that "supplements" are your best resort. Before we go any farther I will say right now that ED or Erectile Dysfunction is a whole separate story from just having a little more staying power every once in a while. ED requires a doctor's attention and decision to administer a prescription such as VIAGRA. I absolutely endorse any FDA approved ED supplement if it will help you to live an active and fulfilling sex life. BODY & SOUL The body

How To Burn Calories
Lose Weight - Have Sex Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth The American Dental Association says that semen cuts plaque better than mouth wash, so suck a dick and save a smile. Having nice sex burns 358 calories. Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories. Take off her clothes with her consent.........................12 cal without......................187 cal Take off her Bra With two hands..........................8 cal With one hand.........................12 cal With mouth.............................85 cal Put on Protection hard ........................... 6 cal soft..........................315 cal Foreplay Looking for target...................8 cal Finding G spot ......................92 cal I don't F***ing care.....................0 cal Entry Holding her..................12 cal On the floor............

How The Internet Got Started
> Thought you would like this :o)> > In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of> > Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And> Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed,> she had been called Amazon Dot Com.> > She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town> to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy> tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle> bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"> > And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in> between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will> reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on> the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."> > > Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the> drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all> the goods he

How The World Works....
Sometimes in life, things make you cold. If they don't, they just plainly make you old. You can accept people for who they are and who they are not. But who's fault is that? The world has become so out of it since the freaking 70's. What happened? You can judge ppl now, and you expect to be happy? Some are, some have no compliants, but come on. What the hell is going on? If you just do something on the whim and you find something so special, u'd of never known if you wouldn't have taken that chance. What about that? There are many ppl out there like that, that took a chance and realize they couldn't be any happier than they are now, with that one special person cause they didn't judge and just took a chance. But now in this day and age, it's not right, it's just not logical. Fuck you, it is logical, cause it's all what your heart tells you. You weren't given a choice in this life, you were given the chance to live and live as hard as you could dream, cause the worst fate to that is dea

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How do you make love, to a Black Woman? How do you make love to a Black Woman, Romantically and Patiently; Take the time to make love to her mind. Fulfill all of her midnight wishes. Cover her entire body with soft wet kisses. Tell her, so that she will know! There's no place on her body your tongue won't go. And, when you love a Black Woman, you love her real slow. How do you make love, to a Black Woman? How do you make love to a Black Woman, Passionately and Sincerely; Let her Sweetness become your Weakness. Do not use just the Penis, But include your ear. Listen to the sweet sound of her moans and see what you hear. Feel the warmth and care of her loving embrace. Place your mouth on hers and savor the taste. How do you make love, to a Black Woman? How do you make love to a Black Woman, Sensually and Honestly; Say what you mean and mean what you say. Tell her that you love her, more and more with each passing day. Let all

How To Make Trademarks Symbols On The Keyboard
Alt Key + Calculator Number = Symbol I was excited when I found out that I could use my keyboard to make certain symbols. This really makes it easy in e-mail, HTML Generators and Graphic Programs. Try it out, it's very easy. Hold the ALT key & using the "Calculator" (right hand side of keyboard) type the number indicated that is next to the symbol you want to create, then release Alt Key and the Symbol will appear. If you would like the printable version of the Alt Key Symbols for reference, then CLICK HERE. The page will open up in a new window. © = 0169 Copyright ® = 0174 Registered ¤ = 15 ¶ = 20 § = 21 Ç = 128 ü = 129 é = 130 â = 131 ä = 132 à = 133 å = 134 ç = 135 ê = 136 ë = 137 è = 138 ï = 139 î = 140 ì = 141 Ä = 142 Å = 143 É = 144 æ = 145 Æ = 146 ô = 147 ö = 148 ò = 149 û = 150 ù = 151 ÿ = 152 Ö = 153 Ü = 154 ¢ = 155 £ = 156 ¥ = 157 ƒ = 159 á = 160 í = 161 ó = 162 ú = 163 ñ = 164 Ñ = 165 ª = 166 º = 167 ¿ =

How To Get Points
TaskGet points HHGet points off HHGives points HHGives points off HH Vote a mumm201020?10? Comment on a mumm0000 Rate a pic21?6 Rate a profile63?5-6* Rate a stash21116 Comment on a stash21116 Make fan002110-11* Accept friend126126 Notes: Posting a mumm now seems to cost 100 cherry Bucks. Things marked NSFW yield no points for either side. ? have heard different than I saw or have not confirmed * seems to vary by profile. Looks like VICs get an extra point. There is a sliding scale depending on your level and if you are a VIC. Above values where seen about level 10 for me. Now at level 14 I get 23 points for voting a mumm on happy hour.

How To Tell If Wife Is Makin Dirty Movies
Here are some foolproof ways to tell if your wife is making dirty movies behind your back: Every couple of weeks she has to fly to California to care for a "sick aunt." When in bed, she just lies there until you yell "Action!" Just as you're about to make love, she asks, "What's my motivation?" She keeps getting mail addressed to "Patty O'Plenty." Whenever you go out, drooling men ask her for her autograph. She looks suspiciously like the Hustler pin-up in your neighbor's garage. She knows sexual positions that would put a circus contortionist in the hospital. She wears a micro miniskirt and six-inch spike heels to go grocery shopping. On your joint tax return she lists her occupation as "passion princess."

How To Say "i Love You"
How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... English “I Love You” Spanish “Te Amo” French “Je T'aime” German “lch Liebe Dich” Japanese “Ai Shite Imasu” Thai “Phom rak khun” Italian “Ti amo” Chinese “Wo Ai Ni” Swedish “Jag Alskar” Alabama Arkansas Kansas Oklahoma Texas North Carolina South Carolina Georgia Tennessee Missouri Mississippi Louisiana Virginia West Virginia Kentucky parts of Florida “Nice Ass, Get in the truck.”

How To Make The World A Better Place
As said by Rodney Carrington.... Well it seems to me that this whole world's gone crazy There's too much hate and killin' goin' on But when I see the bare chest of a woman My worries and my problems are all gone No one thinks of fightin', when they see a topless girl Baby if you would shows yours too, we could save the world Show them to me, show them to me Unclasp your bra and set those puppies free They'd look a whole lot better without that sweater Baby I'm sure you'll agree If you got two funbags Show them to me I don't care if they don't match or if ones bigger than the other You could show me one, and I'll imagine the other Even if you're really old, there's nothing wrong Don't be sad, your boobs ain't bad, they're just a little long Show them to me, show them to me Lift up your shirt and let the whole world see Just this row, show your globes and a happy man I'll be If you got dos chi-chis Show them to me I've met a lot of them, but never one I ha

How Tha Club I Was In Did Me When I Was In School
I had alot of fun when i was in high school. I was active in alot of clubs and i spent every friday night at football games and the second tuesday of every month at meetings. I took my 10 and 11th grade to sell fruit which wasnt and easy job. Cuz i always had other kids tryin 2 figure out how much i had sold so they could take first place and i had customers tht didnt want 2 pay after they got there fruit. Had some ppl wait to the last minute to get there fruit and they didnt want it cuz it had one bad apple or orange. Well when u dont pick up ur fruit in the 3 week period its not goin 2 be tht good, cuz when its brought to the school its cold and some of the stuff was froze. I wasnt sellin fruit just to place i was sellin it for the fun of it to help out the club. On the weekends when the club went somewhere i was always there for them. Well it was cool while it lasted, cuz my brother decided to quit selling his 11th grade yr so i could sell. Well me and my bro was top sellers for the

How To "practice" Approaching Women
How To "Practice" Approaching Women >NOTE: If you'd like to become a master of approaching women in every possible situation, then go check THIS out... and make sure you watch the free video clips: http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/ApproachingWomen/?cid=ZVHEZZ&lid=1&ll=1 ***SUCCESS STORY*** You have changed my life forever, after watching the first 2 DVD's of your advanced set 3-4 times each my entire, ENTIRE perspective on women has changed. I'm looking back on the past and SEEing where I've FAILED horribly and more importantly, WHY!! AND I see why others succeed where I've failed. Since I've long given up on religion your DVD set has become my new bible for life/women. I've met three beautiful women this week SIMPLY by be confident, indifferent, and teasing. People I would have NEVER thought I would EVER even have a chance with now look like opportunities to me. Everything you say makes GOOD sense to me and I m really starting to GET IT af

How To Spot A Raver
How To Spot A Raver Ravers can perfectly understand and have amazing conversations with anyone under the age of ten. Ravers know where all the best toy stores are. Ravers get the most mileage out of their shoes. The toes and heels always curl up because they're so worn down. Ravers always wish the dj would spin that OC Transpoting track that they keep hearing on the bus ride home. Ravers are the only people who don't have their age calculated in months, yet still wear and use pacifiers. Ravers always consider every new place they go to as a possible location for a party. Ravers hug EVERYONE. Ravers can DANCE. Ravers can be found dancing everywhere EXCEPT the main dance floor. Ravers understand the art of the bathroom conversation. Ravers choose their clothes by texture, colour, and size. Ravers love homemade clothes because they've seen the price tag on a pair of Lithiums. Ravers get the most enjoyment out of gino/guit stories. Ravers always order water when they go out

How To Vote For Me
I thank my new friend,SALLY, for these directions. If you can't be the most intelligent person around, surround yourself with intelligent people! Dear Charley and Charley's fans who need a little help: Here's what I did 1. Cut and paste address at the internet ADDRESS line BELOW: www.meermusic.com/fg_greenroom.htm 2. Went on down to Contestant # 13 (Charley) and hit "vote" 3. OUTLOOK express Mail comes up (my computer can't deal with that from my computer) so 4. SO I WENT to my personal MAIL service called on NEW Mess copied the address info@famegamesradio.com 5. On Subject Line I typed: Vote for Charley Drum - Yes I know (cause thatz what it said on the OUTLOOK EXPRESS mail subject line) 6. In the body of the New Message box "content' area you can write a few comments... and apparently they will post them by # 13 at the site listed in # 1 HOPE THIS IS HELPFUL to Charley and All Charley Fans I'm for support of all who make music as those of u

How To Save The Airlines
HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. In fact replace all flight attendants with good looking strippers! What the hell - they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss. The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every business man in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary,thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women . Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liabilit

How To Save The Airlines
HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. In fact replace all flight attendants with good looking strippers!what the hell - they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss. The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every business man in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary,thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women . Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability int

How To Pleasure Yo Man!
It takes a lot of ingredients, such as having the right attitude, trusting your partner and getting over your hang-ups. But it's a worthwhile endeavor, because once you have the elements in place you can look forward to a more fulfilling sex life. From letting it happen to desire and foreplay, therapist Arlene Goldman lets us in on the 10 keys to sexual bliss. ..> ..> ..> ..> ..> ..> ..>..> ..>..> ..>..> Let it Happen You can't force great sex to happen; but you can allow it to. Goal-oriented sex, where the focus is on the destination and not the journey, often leads to performance anxiety, which then undermines sexual arousal. By focusing solely on achieving orgasm you could end up faking them or having problems with sexual function. So relax and enjoy the process. Have the Right Attitude Give yourself permission to completely experience sex and its pleasures. That means you must let go of guilt, self-consciousness, judgments and personal hang-ups. Also, forget a

How To Build A Pc Inside Of Your Old Nes.
Okay, so I WAS going ot post this here. Turns out Cherrytap has a REALLY CRAPPY BLOGGING SYSTEM! Because of that, I can't post pictures, so to find out how to build a PC in your NES, go to http://www.xanga.com/ninja_in_pajamas. Feel free to sign up and friend me...or not...dun matter to me either way. Oh yeah, I also put on my MySpace page at www.myspace.com/nes_pc

How To Make A Topical Tincture Of Jewelweed
Jewelweed works amazingly well for poison ivy and poison oak gather leaves and juicy plant stems -- NOTE it is potent in spring and early summer up until after it blooms. It is not very potent after it blooms. This is a good reason to make the tincture. If you need help immediately then wash all over with soap first [breaks up the oil] then rub the juicy plant stems on the affected areas. Repeat as often as needed. If you want to preserve the jewel weed so you can always have it around then make a tincture.[FOR TOPICAL USE ONLY!] 1. put those juicy stems and leaves packed very tight into a jar. 2. then fill the jar with 98 proof rubbing alcohol [EXTERNAL USE ONLY] 3. work all of the air out with a table knife. 4. put an airtight lid on the jar and leave it sitting in the cool dark for 8 weeks 5. drain off the alcohol into clean jars [the original rubbing alcohol bottle works well] 6. keeps for years. WARNING: THIS IS NOT T

How To Dump A Guy Letter..
Dear _______________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply) 1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. 2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. 3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! 4. ___Your inadvertent

How To Change Your Homepage Style
1. Click on My in the gray menu bar, then select profile. 2. Look on the right hand side and you will see the 8th one up from the bottom where it says Homepage Style, Set it to either Power or Original. This will make it easier finding things on your homepage. 3. Then you save the changes by entering your password at the bottom of your profile page and clicking on submit. If you have any other questions please click on the banner below or come to the Support Lounge.

How To Make A Chaotic Free Spirit
start off with 1 broken heart and threw it away. mix in some wrong friends and season with your choice of drugs and/or alcohol. and for some extra flavor add a very unsatisfying sex. stir in a lot of insults and a touch of passion for total freedom. add a dash of bitch and 1lb of ice were the heart use to be. beat in broken dreams and hopelessness. throw in depression and sorrow then scream THATS ENOUGH! next stop caring stop looking back just give up and leave it all behind. follow that up with constantly running away from everything even yourself. finally repeat this prosses till u have nothing left to lose and congrats youre done "the few the proud the unpredictable, welcome to our world"

How To Drive In South Florida:
HOW TO DRIVE IN SOUTH FLORIDA: 1. You must first learn to pronounce the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA". 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger. 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detou

How To Do Some Things Here On Cherrytap.
below is something I saw in a bulletin once and full credit stolen from "bbG~Prince Jesse's Lover~" for maken this, Im postin for everyone too see who is not aware on how to do this. £ô©o™- Ťĥē Mòŕpĥ MÄŝŤêŕ@ fubar Ty for taken time to read this and hope it helps you, Loco The Morph Master If your still needin help check out http://cherrytap.com/bible.php :) First... Someone asked me... How do you rate a page... You go to the person's profile Look to the right side of the page, under the Blast box, and you see this: You then click either the 10 or 11 :D Now, someone else asked me, how do you become a fan... Look to the left side of the page, under the Alerts box (My Bar Tab), and you see this: Click the one that suits what you want to do :) This is a Blast box... This is an Alert box (My Bar Tab): Any questions? Just ask Loco

How To Be Politically Correct When Talking About Men...
How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men... He does not have a beer gut... He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility. He is not quiet... He is a Conversational Minimalist. He is not stupid... He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development. He does not get lost all the time... He discovers Alternative Destinations. He is not balding... He is in Follicle Regression. He is not a cradle robber... He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He does not get falling-down drunk... He becomes Accidentally Horizontal. He does not have his head up his ass... He suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion. He is not short... He is Anatomically Compact. He does not have a rich daddy... He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion. He does not constantly talk about cars... He has a Vehicular Addiction. He does not have a hot body... He is Physically Combustible. He is not unsophisticated... He is Socially Challenged.

How To Stay Young
HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Try everything twice. On Madam’s tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam), she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times! 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind, if you are one of those grouches;) 3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER. 6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is

How To Get Back At Your Bro
well yesturday my nephew was graduating from grade one, so i went there with my mom,, brother, his gf and her doughter. Well after months of them playing jokes on me i decided to get them back. since the kids were reading a poem and everyone was watching i was sitting on the floor. i decided to tie my brothers shoe lace to his gf purse.. THen my mom gave my brother the camera to take pics. as he start to walk over to get a pic of my nephew getting his little deploma he was dragging the purse and kicked his leg to get rid of it. MY brothers gf purse went flying all over the room.. i couldnt stop laughing.. my brother and his gf were upset but they got over it..

How True But Sad This Story Is.
How True but Sad This story is. > > Chuckle for the day! > > > > One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he > > asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money > > from you. > > I'm doing community service this week." The florist is pleased and > > leaves the shop. > > > > Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank > > you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. > > > > Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill > > the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing > > community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. > > > > Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a tha nk you card > ; > > and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. > > > > Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay > his > > bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'

How To Support Our Soldiers?
I read this in a bulletin & had to blog it. Please let me know if there are any other Support Web Sites & I'll add them. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> How can I send a message or show support for our Soldiers? http://www.military.com/ WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Dept. of Defense is responding to queries from thousands of Americans who are again asking what they can do to show their support for service members, especially those serving overseas in this time of war? The following are websites for several organizations sponsoring programs for members of the Armed Forces overseas. While it would be inappropriate for DoD to endorse any specifically, service members do value and appreciate such expressions of support: Donate a calling card to help keep service members in touch with their families at Operation Uplink at http://www.operationuplink.org/ Send a greeting via e-mail through Operation Dear Abby at http://anyservicemember.navy.mil/ or http://www

How To Buy A Laptop
How to Buy a Laptop null The complete story can be found here: http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,125647/article.html We hope you will find this story interesting and informative. PC World, an IDG publication, has been providing independent, unbiased, reviews, news, and information about technology since 1983.

How To Eat It Right
95% of females can't cum from sex UNLESS, they're on top..and they're on top why? so they can stimulate their clit..by doin' their lil snake charm grindin' grab on our pelvic bones..which..really does nothin' for us..so the key is..eat pussy first..make her cum a few times...numb her up..then hammer away or soft and slow with alot of vaginal teasing with your magic stick to build it all up in the end, however u like...... now once ur inbetween her legs..don't just fuckin' dive in there like a bum at a thanksgiving charity dinner...take your fuckin'time I know pussy is nearly irresistable...but don't act like it is.. lick her inner thighs, kiss them..kiss around her pussy lips..kiss the lips etc. etc..finally once u've got your tongue on her clit..this is what u do..(u can use ur hands to spread her lips here if u want..that's all preference...it's easier to make em cum w/their lips spread..so u have easier access to their clit) now...roll the tip and somewhat flat part of your

How To Make German Potato Salad
How to Make German Potato Salad German potato salad is made with a vinaigrette and served warm—though we find cold German potato salad to be just as good. The vinaigrette is usually made sauce-like by cooking it with potato starch, corn starch, or flour. If you are not familiar with German potato salad, give it a try. This traditional potato salad is made with sliced potatoes and plenty of bacon mixed with the potato slices. It is a very good version of the original. Ingredients 1 pound new red potatoes 6 slices bacon 2 tablespoons butter 1 tablespoon corn starch 3 tablespoons granulated sugar 1/2 cup water 1/3 cup white wine vinegar 1/2 cup chopped green onions salt and pepper to taste Directions 1. Cook the potatoes in salted water until they are tender but still firm. Cool them in cold water. Thinly slice the potatoes and set them aside. 2. Cook over the bacon over medium heat until evenly brown. Let the bacon cool on paper towels to absorb the

How To Hide Your Ninja Lifestyle From Your Co-workers.
Recent negative portrayals in the American media have led to an unprecedented backlash in this country against your average, everyday, 9-to-5 ninja. As a result, many of us hardworking ninjas have been forced to go underground, hiding our heritage, our training and our very ways of life. If you find yourself in this position, here are a few helpful tips that will aid you in hiding the fact that you are a master of the black arts from your co-workers. Step One: Solve Problems With Your Mind Instead Of Your Nunchakus While nunchakus are a time-honoured tradition of dispute settlement among the ninja, their use is usually discouraged in the typical American office. The next time someone steals your stapler or eats your lunch from the office refrigerator, try saying a few friendly, but firm, words to them instead of smashing their skull with your nunchakus. Step Two: Try Using Office Items For Their Intended Purposes As you are well aware, one of the greatest skills of the ninja

How Things Are Going
things are going ok for me lately but i wish things at work were much better. i work at the county nursing home and 3 yrs ago the people of the county voted to have a new nursing home built and agreed to have their taxes raised in order to have the new home built well here we are 3 yrs later and still no new home and we have no idea what the county board is thinking we get told one thing from them and then they do something else no one wants to bring their family to the nursing because they dont know what is going to happen and i cant say i blame them hopefully soon we will know something but i doubt it but i am sticking in there for now

How To Get The Women On Cherrytap
Hi, guys - Dr. Don here with some timely information on how to impress women online here at CherryTAP and other community websites! Make sure you read ALL of my advice before posting a reply. It's a good idea to create your profile with as much fiction and fantasy as possible. Do NOT let her get to know the REAL you, epecially if you are married, attached and so on. Operating this way will ensure you have built yourself up into the ultimate catch and you can toy with her emotions with abandon. At the very least, if you can't create your profile in this fashion then outright lie and make excuses. Be sure to track your excuses and stories somewhere handy where your wife or girlfriend can't find them for future reference when stalking your online prey. Women have a way of noticing when you change your story, so track your correspondence separately for each girl - don't miss the shoutbox, this is very important. Women LOVE it when you make comments on their profile and pictures

How To Plan A Vacation With Your Autistic Loved One
Yes, you can have a relaxing vacation with your autistic family member, even if that family member is you! It does take some planning and preparation, but the result can be a pleasant, relatively stress-free experience. Difficulty: Average Time Required: About three months Here's How: 1. Choose Your Destination Wisely. You have an autistic spouse with sensory issues - and yet you choose a NASCAR convention as your destination. Your child with autism can't stand the feeling of sand between her toes - and you choose to go to the beach. Maybe there are quieter options that are still lots of fun, or destinations (like a lake) that take into account your desire for water and your child's dislike of sandy feet. 2. Check into the Possibilities. You may have decided against Disneyland based on noise level or food issues. But think again. Disneyland, like many destinations, offers a variety of options for different kinds of visitors. Before you decide that a place will not suit you

How To Find A Summer Program For Your Child With Autism
You finally made it through the school year. Despite all the obstacles, your child did pretty well. You even saw him meet some of his IEP goals. But now summer is looming, and you have no clue what to do with him. Ordinary summer camp looks pretty unlikely - after all, how many camp programs offer “social skills” along with “horseback riding?” Here’s how to get the process underway. Difficulty: Average Time Required: up to six months Here's How: 1. Start early. These days, even parents of typical kids start early in their quest for the perfect summer camp at the perfect price. For parents of autistic kids, the start should begin even earlier - sometime around September first! 2. Find out what kind of Extended School Year (ESY) program is offered through your school district. ESY is a federally funded option for kids whose skills are likely to regress during extended breaks. If your child does qualify, he may be eligible for a free summer program . Some districts will suppl

How To Get Rid Of Squirrels
(I thought this was funny!) There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely

~~how To Get Screwed~~
The 11th Husband A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. " Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, .he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he kn

How To Be Romantic
Long lasting relationships are about having fun together and noticing each other. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but generally, being romantic is about dedicating time to someone for the purpose of pleasing the other person, directly or indirectly. Some people focus on the small things such as letting the partner have the remote control all evening, or having home-cooked food ready when the partner arrives home tired from work. From time to time, however, a little more is required. In order to keep up the passion, here are some tips for little and bigger "events" to pull off to show your partner that you love him/her. 1.Add a nice touch. Hold your significant other's hand. Kiss his/her shoulder. Buying some massage oil and a book on simple massages can work wonders. 2.Have a balloon hunt. Giving a present can be spiced up a bit with a small "treasure hunt." Blow up some balloons and hide inside each a note of where to go next. The present

How To Treat A Woman
HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN: > >Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. > >Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. > >Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. > >Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. > >Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love > >letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her. > > > > >HOW TO TREAT A MAN: > >Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV

How To Drive In Jersey
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is New-erk not New-ark. 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy." 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Ocean/Monmouth counties, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainme

How To Roll A Spliff
You need: A pack of skins preferably red king Rizla skins for the beginner Some tobacco Some weed A piece of thin cardboard A lighter / matches Rolling guide: Put the skin on a hardback book or a dish in your lap within easy reach of your hands. Pull your weed apart and spread evenly over the skin. You can tear off a bit of the Rizla pack for a roach; roll it into a cylinder and put at the left end of skin. NB some people find it easier to roll with the sticky end facing you, some the other way, only by trial and error will you find which way suits you. Spread tobacco over your weed in the skin again evenly throughout you can aim for a 60(tobacco)/40(weed) mix to start with. Now pick up the skin with both hands between your thumbs and first two fingers. Using your thumb, roll the skin between your fingers trying to make a cylinder shape with it. The more evenly a cylinder you can get the better unless you want to try making the smoking

How To Make A Woman Happy
How To Make A Woman Happy... It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. Passionate 44. Compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich

How To Eat Pussy
I got this from another page, but EVERYONE needs to check this out...boys, girls, women, men. I KNOW it's long, but damn it's worth reading...& then putting into practice!! How to Eat Pussy Hey, I have a lot of respect for everyone who likes to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And some of you who are giving it the old college try aren't really doing too well...or as well as you could be, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds someone who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. Remember, anyone can fuck, and those who can usually do satisfactorily, but the one who truly gives good head has got it made! Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her how beautiful it is, tell her which parts you like best, how it turns you on...t

How To Get A Id Made
Hey my friend he a great guy and he also make id go check him out and read his blog about getting a id made Later ☻Mr. Nice Guy☻OFFICIAL TEAM SHOCKER SECRETARY~ID MAKER~I.A.R. #35@ CherryTAP

How To Treat Your Man Simple List
1 give us respect. as in when we get mad and want to cool down. dont come charging over trying to get the last word in because that shit is fucking stupid. you want us to act mature then give us our space, dont get in our face! 2 stop fucking playing mind games. "honey i like this" okay do you want me to buy it? "no its okay" alright put it down and walk away "but honey.." fuck that shit. you want it buy it. if we offer to buy it tell us right then and there dont act like a little kid take charge and do something dont fucking play games. 3 dont be insecure and ask us because honestly... if we didnt like the way you looked, the way you dressed. WE WOULDNT BE WITH YOU! "do i look good in this?" "am i fat do you think i am?" "would you like me to wear this?" "what about this?" "this one?" "do you like this one?" fuck we like you in anything you wear for fucks sake! 4 DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE ME AND MAKE ME WEAR WHAT YOU THINK IS GOOD! as soon as i wanna

How True
A measure of detachment helps you see the issues in this situation and how to get around them. If your first attempt to resolve these things doesn't work, try a second, third and fourth time. Persistence brings success.

How To Tell If Your Ct Lover Is A Fake/player! Thanks To Vonnie For This Addition To My Collection!
Sorry, I just had to save this for posterity! It comes to my Blog by way of the Mumms, as written by Vonnie. This just sounded a little too familiar, funny as it is *snicker*! Is it really you? What are the warning signs that your CT lover isn't entirely truthful about who they are? A friend and I have compiled a few (obvious but still annoying) problems from our so called "friends" in the past. (Kenny, baby, this does not pertain to you in the least! Love u ;-P) 1. Their cell phone only works during work hours - no signal at their house! 2. They don't have a home phone (yet they have the internet at home???) 3. You are always on Cam and they don't have one!!!!!! (its broken, have to buy a new one, dog chewed my cord!) 4. They mysteriously hang up during phone sex or serious chat session. Due to a dead battery - Ever hear of a charger butthead!! 5. Your conversations get cut short cause they get kicked out of the IM (alot!) Only to return and apologize the next

How To Impress Opposite Sex
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her, Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her, Laugh with her, Cry with her, Cuddle with her, Shop with her, Give her jewelry, Buy her flowers, Hold her hand, Write love letters to her, Go to the end of the earth and back again for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring beer.

How To Place New Employees
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room. 2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door. 3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. 4. Then analyze the situation A. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. B. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing. C. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put then in Engineering. D. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning. E. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations. F. If they are sleeping, put them in Security. G. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology. H. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources. I. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for More, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales. J. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing. K. If they are staring out of the wi

How To Be Romantic
Long lasting relationships are about having fun together and noticing each other. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but generally, being romantic is about dedicating time to someone for the purpose of pleasing the other person, directly or indirectly. Some people focus on the small things such as letting the partner have the remote control all evening, or having home-cooked food ready when the partner arrives home tired from work. From time to time, however, a little more is required. In order to keep up the passion, here are some tips for little and bigger "events" to pull off to show your partner that you love him/her. Just some of the things I like to do for the lady in my life. (Well when I had one lol) 1. Hold your significant other's hand. Kiss his/her shoulder. Buying some massage oil and a book on simple massages can work wonders. 2. Have a balloon hunt. Giving a present can be spiced up a bit with a small "treasure hunt." Blow

How The Phone Should Be Answered In America
JUST SO WE CAN REMEMBER WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE STAND FOR Subject: How the phone should be answered...... Rules for the phone. How ALL business phones SHOULD be answered! GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA . Press "1" for English. Press "2" to disconnect until you learn to speak English And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. If you agree......keep it going

How To Take A Screenshot:
Press the Print Screen (or PrtScn) key on your keyboard to copy the entire screen to the clipboard. Next you'll need to open an image editor (Microsoft Paint, which comes with Windows, photoshop, ect.) Then hit Ctrl V If you are using paint edit or cut your screen shot as desired then open a new paint window & paste it. Save & your done. If you want to post your screenshot on a website you will need to upload it to Photobucket or ImageShack & copy & paste the HTML Tag

How To Deal With An Office Jerk
How to Deal With an Office Jerk by Robert M. Detman, Office life can have its ups and downs, but having to endure a jerk can make it miserable. Office jerks take on many forms, and thus require creative strategies for dealing with them. Handling Six Common Types The Loud Phone-Talker. "Obviously the first step is to pull them aside quietly and ask them to lower their voice when using the phone," says Julie Jansen, a career coach, consultant, and trainer. "If this doesn't stop them, you could dish out the same treatment and stand near their cube on your cell phone and talk loudly. Or you can hold up a sign that says, 'Please turn volume down.'" The Hang-Arounder. When confronting the co-worker who chronically lingers to chat when you are trying to make a deadline -- a subtle jerk, but a jerk nonetheless -- try standing up when they enter your office or cube. "The unspoken message of your body language will clearly tell him or her to keep it brief and head for the door," s

How To Shower
How To Shower Like a Woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower

How To Be A Good Friend....
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements

How To Call The Police When You're Old And Don't Move Fast Anymore.
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no" Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said tha

How To Record Music On Your Computer
This Video Takes You Step By Step To Shoe You How To Record Music From A Guitar, Bass, Keyboard, etc. Straight To Your Computer. This movie has nothing to do with video games halo 2 online xbox 360 kingdom hearts awesome ZOMG OMG wow super mario brothers nintendo wii smash brawl melee link zelda shiek myth legend tactic fishing boat cool nice bitch cat fight ass boob fat monkey sexy paris hilton american idol wrestling random secret level ending sonic incredible ps3 ps2 how to fix asian pride fight ownage owned own3d pwned pwn3d pwnage special move crazy mortal combat skill mexican carlos mencia samoa shit poop crap WTF yo mama momma jokes diablo 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 0 lol ROFL money price world of warcraft imp character class final fantasy metal gear solid car toyota iPod mini nano big giant japan china stupid people jk snoop dogg ecw WWE WWF backyard hell nightmare sega saturn 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 live stand up comedy

How To Stay Young
HOW TO STAY YOUNG (George Carlin) 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

How To Make A.m.f
Adios Mother Fucker (A.M.F.) Ingredients 1/2 oz Vodka 1/2 oz Gin 1/2 oz Light Rum 1/2 oz Triple Sec Sweet and Sour Mix Float of Blue Curacao Instructions Pour the vodka, gin, rum, and triple sec into a glass with ice. Fill with sweet and sour and add the float of Blue Curacao. Garnish Lemon Wedge and Cherry Comments You could add 1/2 oz of tequila if you like.

How To Speak To Women And Be Politically Correct...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN." 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE." 3. She is not "EASY" She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 5 She has not "BEEN AROUND" She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" She is "REALITY IMPAIRED." 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED." 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED." 9. She does not "NAG" you She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 10. She is not a "TRAMP" She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED." 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR." 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

How To Speak To Men And Be Politically Correct...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is not "BALDING" He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS." 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 8 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" He has "SWINE EMPATHY." 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED." 10. He is not "HORNY" He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE!"

How To Eat It
Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don’t like it but because it’s really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on), so it’s time we broke it down. Like this. The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face. Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, “although I am about to rock your insides with 3 000 lbs. of explosives, here’s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygod-ohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fr

How To Score On Every Date And Be The Man
1 Find the bar / restaraunt / club / venue of your choice. 2 You need to know which of these venues your friends will be at 3 Call your local escort service 4 Spend your whole months salary on the best looking girl they have 5 Get your blowjob before you go out in case she fucks off later 6 Go to the venue were all your mates will be at 7 Boast about the bird on your arm and look well hard 8 As you have already had the blowjob then pretend that she means nothing to you and totally diss her infront of your mates looking harder than you did half hour before hand 9 Dump her and then chat some other bird up at the bar 10 find out next day that the escort has emptied your bank account in a way of a tip to herself, but being the dumb fucktard that you are. You smile to yourself as at least you got a blowjob!!!!

How To Smiley's
Okay, I don't know if everyone knows but I just found out. Here are the smiley faces and things. No spaces. : ) = :) : D = :D : ( = :( : P = :P : O = :O ( D ) = (D) ( B ) = (B) ( Y ) = (Y) ( N ) = (N) 8 -P = 8-P : -S = :-S : @ = :@ END [Massacre]

How To Say I Love You In 100 Languages
English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic - Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez sirumem Thank you Ani! Bambara - M\'bi fe Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee) Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a Catalan - T\'estimo Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i (Thanks Nancy!) Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol - Mi aime jou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou van jou Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien) Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki\' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua French - Je t\'aime, Je t\'adore Frisian - Ik h⬤ fan d

How Things Are Going So Far
Right now life is alittle stressful.... My health is going down hill faast... We found out last August that I have cancer cells and now I have to go through treatment but cause I have no insurance I ahve to wait... Well the dr told me 2 weeks ago that she thinks its getting worse and I need to get stuff done now...I have a 13 year old is my rock she keeps me sain... My best friend Tanya and her hubby Jake are a big help too they keep me busy and make it so I don't sit around and think about it... I guess I just worrie about it all the time ... I am a tough women and I know I will be ok ( or so I hope).... I know the next few monthes are gonna be hard for me but I have my family and friends to help me out..... I love you all and I am soooooooooo lucky to have u in my life.... Thanks for letting me vent and explain what I am going through.... I will keep yall posted on everything....

How To Get Into Heaven....kids Point Of View...
An exasperated mother, whose son is always getting into Mischief, finally asked him. "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

~how To Change Your Life Instantly~~
Boy, if we can only live by this everyday. What a difference we would make. I don't care if you pass it on - I just wanted to share. A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of t

How To Handle A Husband
>A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the >beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. > >Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. >People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". > >The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their >long and happy marriage. > >The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in >America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , >and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone >too >far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife >looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." > >"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my >wife quietly said, "That's twice." > >"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third >time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the >horse dead. > >I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with

How To Make A Mumm
What is a MUMM? (from the fubar bible) MuMMs (Make up My Mind) (this is your Mind.) are polls which allow the fubar community to help you make up your mind...just like asking a bartender at a bar a question! Inappropriate content will be deleted. Mumm subject: ( this should be the question you are asking yourself And your stuck and need some outside opinions to You find an answer.) Content: ( this should be a brief explanation of the situation that has Stumped, and maybe why your stumped) Closing: ( this is where you determine between 2 options you are pondering) Example: Subject: What color to paint New Babys Room Content: I am trying to determine what to paint the babys room. It is do to arrive in late August. We don't know if its going to be a boy or girl. But I would like it ready for when the baby arrives. Closing: Option A: should I go with plain white? Option B: or should I pick a color and which color would be appropriate for boy or

How To Call The Police When You're Old And Don't Move Fast Anymore.
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and he said, "No." Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you sai

The How To's
TO INSERT Female Condoms Be sure the inner-ring is at the bottom, closed end of the pouch. If you wish, add extra lubricant to the outside of the pouch for extra comfort when you insert Female Condoms. HOW TO HOLD THE SHEATH 1. Hold the inner ring between thumb and middle finger. Put index finger on pouch between other two fingers, (or) 2. Just squeeze. Still squeezing Female Condoms with your fingers, insert the device through the anal opening. Take your time. If Female Condoms is slippery to insert, let go and start over. Note that the inner ring helps insert Female Condoms. It also helps to hold it in place during sex. Now push the inner ring and the pouch the rest of the way up into the anal cavity with your index finger; for maximum protection, the inner ring should be inserted past the sphincter muscle. This step may be hard to do on the first or second try. BEFORE ANAL SEX When you are ready for sex, insert Female Condoms, making sure the outside ring

How To Lube A Condom
Lubing a condom is actually very simple. Open the condom and remove it from the package. Next, take some condom safe lube and apply a small amount to the inside tip of the condom. Place the condom over your penis and carefully unroll the condom, take care to smooth out any air bubbles along the way. Once the condom is completely unrolled to the base of your penis take another drop of lube and carefully rub it around the condom. That's it! If you're looking for a way to make this more enjoyable you can ask your partner to put the condom on and lube it for you.

How To Understand A Fubar
I am not too sure how to work this thing they call FUBAR. I look at profiles, I rate them, and their pictures, and i gather points. Then i am given honorary positions to post mums and blogs... BTW..what is NSFW? They say not safe for work, but idk what people consider not safe...i mean, I think I work in a dangerous position, being a woman, all alone, but yet, words, are considered not safe. And another thing...How bout some of those 'SAFE' pitcs I see runnin past my forehead? WOW...some of those are SO racey, I mean. HUBBA HUBBA!! oh hey, but its SAFE...right? sheesh...idk if I will ever understand this thing they all call...FUBAR. But I'm learning. hehehehe

How To Start Your Day
Ok I get up early this morning have everything ready in a good mood yada yada yada all that crap. The humidity was pretty high over night so the windshield is covered and dew and the wipers arent the best. I am driving down this little two lane country road that is barely wide enough for two cars and the sun is blazing away in my eyes. Between the dew and the sun i am squinting to see the road. My phone rings. I am using hands free of course and I am talking to my daughter. I hear this huge POP and my passenger side mirror crashes into the window shattering. I look in the rear view mirror and holy shit I just hit a jogger with my mirror. I slam on my brakes and throw the truck in reverse and race back to where this guy is standing. I look back in the mirror and he is in a full sprint for the truck. I get close and jump out to make sure he is okay and understandably so the guy is LIVID!!!I start with I am so sorry.. He is yelling "what the hell are you doing You didnt see me??" I cant

How To Fight Fair With Unfair People
The key to this is to sit down and talk through your problems with the person you are fighting with no matter how it is for you all to get along at this point. You need to be a team be supportive of one another the change in he or she may be a challenge. He or she may attack you verbally withdraw and ignore. The important thing for you to do at he or shes attack is how you respond: 1.Name calling won't get you anywhere 2.Im sorry you do not understand my point. Le me state is again. 3. You agreed to hear me out 4.There must be a problem or I wouldnt be here and you wouldnt be so defensive. 5. I care or I wouldnt talk to you about this 6. I believe you want a good relationship too 7. I know you are a caring person and I am sure your goal is the same as mine to support each other. 8. I wont accept your labeling 9. Please lets keep the topic 10. This does not involve others we are talking about you and me. 11. It's not okay for you to talk to me that way

How To Comment Bomb
COMMENT BOMBING IS WHERE YOU LEAVE AS MANY COMMENTS ON A CONTEST OR GIVEAWAY PICS WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER OR A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY NEEDS HELP TO WIN A CONTEST OR GET THEIR GIFT IN A GIVEAWAY.. IT CAN BE A BUNCH OF COMMENT PICS OR A BUNCH OF MEANINGLESS COMMENTS LIKE THIS 3SEHFNG. KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR BULLITENS AND CHECK THE FAMILY BLOG EVERYDAY TO SEE WHERE WE NEED TO BE. IT WILL HAVE THE CURRENT DATE ON THE NAME OF THE BLOG. WELL THATS IT. LOOK FORWARD IN WORKING WITH YOU. For example hgyuj gtyujhg

How To End A Relationship
She told me we couldnt afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit Then I caught her spending $65 for makeup I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didnt She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me I told her that was what the beer was for I dont think shes comming back!

How To Get Out Of Jury Duty And Be A Hero Doing It
I was using StumbleUpon today, when I found this page. It is basically a page talking about the philosophy behind the Fully Informed Jury Association. But where FIJA wants the jury to understand their rights to find a person guilty of a bad law innocent to help change the law, the page I found today said that, by informing the judge and the lawyers that if you don't agree with the law that you will find for the defendant, you will be excused from jury duty.I don't know which I would like better, truth be told...tag: jury, rights, liberty, liberties, fija, law, legal, jury duty-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-Ave Satanas!Join me at Fubar.comGet paid to surf the web with

How To Load Trackz
1) You have to select your song / video from an outside source such as: http://imeem.com/ http://www.bestvideocodes.com/ and then copy the entire code, and come back to your HOME page. 2) now click, MY TRACKZ, on the left hand side, which will open the Music tracks format. 3) drop the code into the white rectangle, then label your song and album, and the artist, then click, SUBMIT 4) the Track will now appear into the line up. You want to look on the right hand side and click Stop Autoplay on profile

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3) Insist that your e-mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com. 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.' 10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the

How To Talk To Women
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED PERSON." 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE." 3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED." 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED." 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED." 9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED." 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR." 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

How To Talk To Men
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS." 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY." 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED." 10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

How To Drive In Phoenix
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS". 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy". 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle o

How To Comment Bomb
All comment bombing consists of is dropping comments on a picture more than 100 times...on the SAME picture.....this is for contests only....we are a bombing family so there for we comment bomb and if you are not willing to do that then u r not willing to be a part of the godfather family...i do understand some people have a life outstid of fubar so if u have family issues to deal with that is cool cause i have a family as well and they take priority over this website too..all i ask is for you to keep up on all of the blogs posted for the day and to comment on the blogs letting me know weather u are going to bomb right then and there or u r going to bomb later or even if u r out of comments for the day...or even if u cant do it at all...just let me know so i dont think u r blowing us off...and if u end up blowing all your comments on the contest let me know u r done on the contest via comment on the blog u got the link from...all links for the contests we r working on r posted in the b

How To Recognize An Aries
How to Recognize ARIES They would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as that a red hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long;and that, if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds. Have you recently met an unusually friendly person with a forceful manner, a firm handclasp and an instant smile? Get ready for a dizzy dash around the mulberry bush. You've probably just been adopted by an Aries. Especially if you found it a little tough to take the lead in. the conversation. Is he committed to some idealistic cause and angrily defending the underdog? That figures. Male or female, these people will fight what they feel is an injustice on the spot, and they're not bashful about voicing their opinions. The ram will talk back to a traffic cop or an armed gangster with equal vigor, if either one happens to annoy him. He may regret it later, but caution won't concern him in the heat of the moment. Mars people come straight to

How Tall Are You?
You gotta love this! I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE THIS IS FUNNY REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID AND YOUR PARENTS LINED YOU UP AGAINSTA DOOR FRAME TO MARK HOW TALL YOU WERE AND DATED THE MARK? WELL THIS CARTOON BRINGS A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE TO THAT EXERCISE :-)LAUGHTER WILL KEEP YOU YOUNG AT HEART

How To Clean A Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and lift both lids. 3. Take the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape. Caution: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" that I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself. Sincerely, the Dog

How To Impress A Woman
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

How To Get A Profile Link
I need everyone to do this when they are placing someone on the home page to levelup. I need to have the HMTL code with the amount that is needed. Sometimes during Happy hours things get crazy and we are trying to get as many done as possible.I'm working from 2 names and this just makes it alot easier on me. I need the code all you do is click on link to profile and copy it and paste it on the homepage with the amount that is needed.

How To Make A Graphic
A lot of people think either I just snootch my graphics or I have no clue well here is a quick lil lesson on how a simple one is made. A lot of these tubes I tube myself or get thru PSP tube searches I really enjoy making Graphics The harder the challenge the more fun it is. The graphic was fun to make, and by personalizing them it adds a nice touch. So next time you see a graphic I hope you think about all the steps that go into making them. To al the people who enjoy my graphics A great big thank you and for those who are only out there to criticize my graphics I am sorry that my work is not up to your standards. The greatest thing out there is seeing my graphics being enjoyed. There are so many of my graphics being used as peoples main profile pic's I LOVE IT. Here is kind of a breakdown of how I make a graphic.....

How To Call The Police When You're Old And Don't Move Fast Anymore.
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. Within five minu tes thre e police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'

How Things Change...
Ok, 1: I work. Alot. "It's a lot, douche." 2: I moved. I live with two new people now, and they rock hard. (I'm still cool with T&T, no worries.) 3: Did I mention I work often? 4: Courtney moved back to Texas. 5: My roomate's kid is hella smart, and clever. The boy is brilliant. 6: Um... 7: Yeah. 8: California still owns my face.

How Things Change
It was a little over three years ago, I said goodbye to all my friends, packed up my car and began my journey to becoming a civilian. Leaving Eglin AFB wasn't an easy thing to do. Not just because of the fear of leaving probably the most steady job I will ever have, but it was where I had spent the last three years of my life. I had made so many friends, created just as many memories. I wasn't sure if I was ready to move on to the next step in my life. Yes, the job was horrible. You were at risk to start working four straight twelve hour days at any moment. You were one weapons qualification away from working the same post twelve days in a row ( I know this one all too well). You were one vehicle stuck in the sand away from doing 100 push-ups in front of your peers (I know this one too). You could be sitting on one of Florida's most beautiful beaches drinking a beer one minute and could be on a plane headed to the biggest beach of all the next. That was all part of the daily grind.

How To Tell The Sex Of A Fly
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

How The West Was Really Won
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "Sure will," replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" said the hot shot. "Got any more tips for me?" "Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw" "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man. "You bet it w

How To Pray
1 Timothy 2:1-2 NLT Praying effectively Paul urges Timothy to lift up requests, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving. A request is a need, a deep desire for something we don't have—something only God can supply. A prayer is a word of praise and adoration. A more accurate translation of this word from the original Greek might be to "worship in earnest." Intercession is praying on behalf of others. Our prayers should regularly reflect this kind of selfless lifestyle. Thanksgiving involved remembering those past prayers that have already been answered, acknowledging that we not only trust God's supremacy and involvement in our life but also how his hand has moved and guided us in the past. When we pray effectively, we do more than communicate with God—we commune with him. We become one in mind and spirit and purpose. Today, let the focus of your prayer time be to connect with God in a very real and personal way, not as a slave would petition his master, but as a so

How To Find Your Animal Totem
How To Find Your Animal Totem An Animal Totem is an important symbolic object used by a person to get in touch with specific qualities found within an animal which the person needs, connects with, or feels a deep affinity toward. You can have several animal guides through out your life. Sometimes an animal guide will come into your life for a short period of time, and then be replaced by another depending on the journey or direction you are headed toward. Your guide will instruct and protect you as you learn how to navigate through your spiritual and physical life. When you find an animal that speaks strongly to you or feel you must draw more deeply into your life, you might fill your environment with images of the animal to let the animal know it's welcome in your space. Animal guides can help you get back to your Earthly roots, and reconnect with nature by reminding you that we are all interconnected. To first do this you need to know what your Animal Totem is. If You Don't

How To Get An "ex-girlfriend" Back....
How To Get An "Ex-Girlfriend" Back... >HEY... before you read this, take a few minutes to look through the different programs I've created to help you learn how to meet women. You can look through all of them, and even watch video clips, right HERE: http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/Catalog/?cid=AZZZVR&lid=1&ll=1 ***DATING QUESTION FROM A READER*** Dear David, I am a subscriber to your newsletter, and will soon download your e-book and/or your CD. I like what you write and I already learned a lot, I believe. But lately you were dealing with a subject intriguing me more than others: why do women leave men. Which triggered my question. Here it comes: Last year I was dating a woman for several months, in fact it was beyond dating already, we were close to a committed relationship. And we had pleasure and fun together, great sex and everything. Then all of a sudden she decided that it was not "that", she left and went back to her former g

How To Stop Paying For Dates With Women
How To STOP Paying For Dates With Women >QUICK: If you have a minute, take a look through the programs I've created to help you learn how to meet and attract women. You can see them all here: http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/Catalog/?cid=ZVRHZZ&lid=1&ll=1 I've gotten several emails asking questions like, "Should I pay for dates?" and "How do I avoid paying for dates?" The answer that I'm going to propose is almost misleading in its simplicity, but hey... those are my favorite kind... DON'T GO OUT ON "TRADITIONAL DINNER DATES" ANYMORE. See, if you don't go out on "take her out to dinner" dates anymore, then you won't have to deal with paying for them. Profound, I know. Please, hold the applause. Let me explain this a little more... A lot of good research suggests that women think men, who are potential mates, fall into one of two categories. I call these categories "Lover" and "Provider". If you've read my book "D

How To Call Police
> Subject: how to call police> > > > > George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going > up to bed > when his wife told him that he'd left the light on > in the garden shed, which > she could see from the bedroom window. > > George opened the back door to go turn off the > light, but saw > that there were people in the shed stealing things. > > He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your > house?" and he said "no" > Then they said that all patrols were busy and that > he should simply lock his > door and an officer would be along when available. > George said, "Okay," hung > up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. > > "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because > there were people > stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have > to worry about them now > because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. > > Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed > Response Unit, > and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' > r

How To See Em
I changed em to just family views to make people have to do a bit more, lol...can't just be putting my stuff out there like that, lol...well yes I can and I love to but, you just have to go a lil bit further to see them... It's good to be in the fam...lol... We can have fun...okay lemme stop... seriously fam me, and u can be hooked up... ~TSCO

How To Avoid Sneaky Mutual Fund Fees
The Securities and Exchange Commission recently held a big get-together to debate the current state of mutual fund 12b-1 fee disclosure. That's the marketing fee charged by many -- but not all -- mutual funds buried within the fund's annual expense ratio. Little Awareness, Big Profit Because it's not a line-item fee on fund statements, many people have no idea whether they pay a 12b-1 fee or not. That's a costly lack of awareness: the Investment Company Institute (ICI) estimates that fund companies collected $11.8 billion on this fee alone in 2006. The main use of the 12b-1 is for fund companies to compensate brokers and advisers who steer clients into these funds. Because it's an ongoing fee that's merely a component of the annual expense ratio rather than an outright sales load, it's become popular with advisers as a means of telling clients that they're investing without paying a sales load. This pitch is technically correct, in that there's no upfront sales charge, but

How To Tick People Off
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think." 8. Practice making fax and modem noises. 9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. 13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally"

"how To Get Childern To Put Away Their Toys"
i got this off another site thought u all might like it Starfire has a blog post about "How To Get Childern to Put Away Their Toys" which you can read here. I told my children that we had a "nice" house monster who lived inside the A/C vents. My kids knew four things about our House Monster: (1) Other monsters, including the scary or "bad" ones, wouldn't come into a house which already had a monster. (2) House Monster only ate those white sparkly rocks you see in gardens or people's front yards. (3) If you left any toys on the floor unattended, House Monster would take them and play with them for a few days before returning them. (4) If you really wanted a particular toy back, you could put out a white sparkly rock and call up to the vent for House Monster to trade for it. When you weren't looking your toy would reappear and the rock would be gone! This worked amazingly well for many years with each of my children. And I recycled the same three "food" rocks o

How To Save A Life...... The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame You begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've

How To Win The War
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause. Train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan , and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound We can

How To Use A Pendulum
INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO USE YOUR PENDULUM By Karen Ryan, www.crystaltiger.com Hold the pendulum between your thumb and index finger with your elbow slightly bent at your side. Use the hand that feels most comfortable for you. Relax! It is important to let the natural vibrations of your own body move through your hand to the pendulum. The pendulum works like muscle-testing or kinesiology: your sub-conscious knows what you need to know. The pendulum will show you the answer by picking up and amplifying the subtle vibrations from your sub-conscious, causing the pendulum to swing! You can ask any question to get a YES or NO answer. HOW TO INTERPRET YES/NO For many people, when the pendulum swings left and right this can be interpreted as a "NO". If the pendulum swings to and fro, then this can be interpreted as a "YES". If your pendulum swings elliptically, clock-wise, counter-clockwise, or in some other gyration or even stays rigidly still, you must interpret this as best you

How To Make Luv
How To Make Luv Ingredients: 4 Laughing eyes 4 Well-shaped legs 4 Loving arms 2 Firm milk containers 2 Nuts 1 Fur-lined mixing bowl 1 Firm banana Directions: 1. Look into laughing eyes. 2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms. 3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently. 4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers. 5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight). 6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls. Notes: 1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use. 2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use. 3. If cake rises, leave town.

How To Go Rabbit Hunting
Paddy decides to go rabbit hunting, but when he gets to his favorite field he sees the village priest is already there. Paddy watches with fascination as the priest holds his finger over a rabbit hole and immediately a rabbit pops out. The priest grabs it and puts it into a sack. He repeats this unusual but very successful technique until his sack is full of rabbits. Paddy stops the priest and asks him how he does it. Easy, says the priest. Put your finger on your wife's pussy and then hold it over a rabbit hole. They can't resist the smell, so when they come out grab them." Paddy rushes home to find Maureen bent over scrubbing the floor. He lifts up her skirt and applies his finger as directed. Without looking up, Maureen giggles, "Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?""

How To Tell If Your Boyfriend Is The Antichrist.
-Never says "God Bless You" when you sneeze. -Unmoved by WWJD. -Drives SUV with a fish bumper sticker. -Doesn't recycle. -Is self-conscious about his cloven hooves. Should you break up with him? So you did the Prince of Darkness. Does it make you a bad person? Not necessarily, but your morals are weak at best. Which is exactly what he's looking for in a woman. But ultimately, it's not your body he wants, no matter how hot you are. He's actually after nothing less than your soul, and not to cherish and nurture, either-rather, to torture relentlessly in the everlasting fires of hell. So unless you're into that sort of thing, break up now. If you do decide to stay and give him what he wants, consider yourself warned. As soon as he's finished with you, he'll move on to his next conquest without a backward glance. He'll leave you roasting on a spit for all eternity, kicking your self for your own selfish, destructive choices. Right next to those girls from your junior-high

How To Ask For A Raise!!funny
Dear Bo$$ In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. Your $ $incerely, $teven The next day, the employee received this letter of reply: I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspapers are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if South Africa may go into aNOther recession. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. Yours truly, Manager NOrman

How To Change Your Online Status
***NOTE*** You have to be at least a level two fubar member to set your online status. 1. Go to “profile settings” http://www.fubar.com/profile.php 2. Change your homepage style to either “power” or “original”, the option is located at the right midway point of the setting options 3. Enter the bouncer ID check (case sensitive) and click submit. 4. Go to your homepage. http://www.fubar.com/home.php 5. POWER - the option is to the right of your primary picture 6. ORIGINAL – the option is under your username 7. Either select a status from the dropdown menu or click customize if you want to type in your own status message

How To Set His Thighs On Fire
When I first left my husband and became single I spent a great deal of time reading about men. Studying and learning so that I would understand men better. I read “Date Like a Man”, “Secrets About Men Every Women Should Know”, “How to Set His Thighs on Fire” and a whole other slew of books that promised to unlock the secrets to understanding men. These books told me things like never use pet names with men, always follow the “Pair and a Spare” dating philosophy where in you should always date 2 men at one time and then have a back up man in case you break up with one of the men. They detailed that men are fixers, men are unemotional, men are thinkers and a whole laundry list of things that men are… and aren’t. As I began dating, I carefully applied these practices to the men in my life. I didn’t call them baby or honey or any kind of pet name. I dated several men at one time. I didn’t overwhelm them with my life or my issues or even really shared my thoughts and feelings cause

How To Survive A Shark Attack!!
HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARK ATTACK: 1: Don't swim in the ocean. Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty. 2: Listen out for the music. In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous documentary film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da" chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect. 3: Swim with fat people. Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds. 4: Don't go into the water without a knife. This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the fat person) closest to y

How To Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Obsessive-compulsive.
-Your water bill has increased 400 percent since he moved in. -Your face is chafed where he kissed you good-bye eighty-seven times. -He has to clap ten times and touch his nose before he can have an orgasm. Should you brake up with him? Tough call. On the plus side, you can absolutely count on him. He certainly follows a set routine. And he doesn't have much time to cheat between the hand-washings. However, his extracurricular activities may leave little time for you. If you do choose to break up, be persistent-you may have to tell him more than once before it "takes".

How To Tell If Your Boyfriend Is A Closeted Homosexual.
-He has a gym buddy. -Keeps stealing the Abercrombie catalog. -Watches Meg Ryan movies with you instead of the play-offs. -Is content to cuddle most nights. because he had sex at the rest stop on the way home. Should you break up with him? It's a shame, really. Your like your "boyfriend" so much. You laugh. You shop. You stay up all night talking. You watch The O.C. together. You've just got so much in common-all but one little thing. Testicles. And that's a definate dealbraker. So unless you sprout a pair after reading this, move on. You cant still laugh and shop together. Just remember to make yourself available to the heterosexual male population for the committed relationship you so richly deserve. Or, at the very least, for wild, anonymous sex.

How To Read Between The Lines
Women Terminologies: what they mean... 1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5. Loud Sigh: This isn't actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's ok

How The Week Has Gone
well tues was good at the fair got a ful show in got home around 11pm even though it ended around 10. tonight however got cut short due to weather only got the heat races in no mains or feature. but atleast weather is looking good for saturdays regular derby.

How The Heart Aches
fuck love and fuck the feelings that make the love, its all just lies and bitter ends that make that emotion! ah the hell with women for that matter what the hell fuck all of it all of this tidious bull shit that we call life what the fuck is its purpose any way>? ............................slow breathing comes out of my mouth as i stare at the mirror after just yelling at the top of my lungs, where, at myself i suppose. looking at my self sweating holding a gun in one hand and a picture of me and my ex with the words us against the world in the other. i clinch my teeth together and growl at my self "WHAT GOOD ARE YOU HUH? WHAT FUCKING KIND OF PERSON DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" AS i raise the gun to my head a sudden flash of darkness ingulfs me and im falling in to what i dunno but its peace ful. music then suddently surrounds me and of course being a dj its the a techno rythum but..........more like a heart beat really. "FUCK YOU!!" i scream at the darkness, nothing crys back but t

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket
How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange Officer May I see your driver's license? Driver I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver It's not my car. I stole it. Officer The car is stolen? Driver That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer There's a gun in the glove box? Driver Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation Captain Sir, can I see your license? Driver Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain Who's car

How To Confuse Trick-or-treaters
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.) 2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused. 3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door. 4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!" Act like it's a surprise party. 5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound. 6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill. 7. Open the door dressed as a g

How To Annoy Wiccans
1. Preach to them about the "True Religion". 2. Borrow their eyeliner and then don't give it back. 3. Snicker when the fat ones go skyclad. 4. Be considerate. Arrange their Altar so it looks neater. 5. Clean their "tools." 6. Untie the knots in their cords. 7. If they mention Magick, ask them to explain... you never understood that dumb card game... 8. Step into that drawn circle and ask them what their doing. 9. Sharpen that dull knife of theirs. 10. Claim to be a non-Wiccan witch. 11. Ask if they can wriggle their nose like in Bewitched. 12. Put on your best Judy Garland voice and ask "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" 13. Throw water on them and expect them to melt. 14. Explain how adding "an it harm none" completely misses the point of Thelema. Then explain what Thelema is. 15. Lend them a copy of Liber OZ. 16. Take them to a Catholic mass or, better yet, a fundamentalist revival meeting. 17. Turn their pentagr

How To Be A Cultist
1. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of the amateur. 2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your god's name in the privacy of your room before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful. 3. Never invoke anything bigger than your head. 4. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight, you're just asking for trouble. 5. Citronella candles may *not* be used in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the Dark Lords. 6. Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, thuggee knife, service revolver, garlic, Yellow Sign, cabfare, condoms, and change. 7. *Never* be the cultist that goes to rough up the investigator. Ransacking hotel rooms is probably safe, but going 'round to beat up the good guys is a sure route to the bottom of the Thames.

How To Pick Me Up
I was recently asked to write a little something that would detail how to pick me up if I were out and about. I believe that this is an unfair advantage to give to one person so I’m gonna share it with everyone. Below is a short list of do’s and don’ts when trying to pick me up: It’s all about the approach Don’t roll up on me like you’re some kind of daddy mac playa. Leave the pick up lines at home (unless they are painfully stupid and just for an ice breaking laugh). Don’t glance past me like you’re trying to look at me without being caught- I can see you too. Do have the balls to look at me and smile (I like to be eye fucked). Send me a drink if we’re at a bar and actually follow up by coming over to enjoy the drink with me. If we’re in a different setting ie casino, bookstore etc try to find something mildly of interest to me to approach me with to discuss ie are you winning or I read that book and I liked this one too. Heartfelt small talk goes far with me. Convers

How To Make Vinaigrette
Balsamic Vinaigrette 1 cup extra-virgin olive oil 1/3 cup balsamic vinegar 2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon white pepper 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil Combine the olive oil, vinegar, thyme, salt, pepper, and basil in a screw-top jar. Cover and shake. Enjoy up to 2 tablespoons of salad dressing with a meal. Variations: The basic ratio for any vinaigrette is 1 part vinegar to 3 or 4 parts oil. Instead of balsamic vinegar, you can use any other type of vinegar (such as red wine or cider), or substitute lemon juice for some of the vinegar. Shallots and fresh herbs make nice additions, as does mustard. To ensure proper mixing of the ingredients, either shake well or mix with a wire whisk. This tip is from the South Beach Diet® Kitchen section of the Web site. Subscribe to southbeachdiet.com for more helpful cooking techniques, over 1,000 delicious recipes, and expert advice from Dr. Agatston.

How To Avoid Pollen
When HEPA Helps Vacuuming can be a blessing or a curse. Sucking everything in is excellent — as long as it stays in the vacuum bag and doesn’t blow out the machine’s exhaust mechanism and back into the air. Vacuums with HEPA filters or a double bag help keep the particles where they should be — trapped inside the vacuum. HEPA filters are also available in stand-alone air cleaners, but these aren’t the perfect solution. Whereas the air cleaners work well for cat dander, which is a light particle and stays airborne for a comparatively long time, they don’t work so well for dust mite particles, which are heavier and settle more quickly. Avoiding Pollen Exposure Print This Page Send to a Friend Here are some ways to minimize your pollen exposure: Stay indoors when the pollen count is high, especially on dry, windy days. Stay indoors between 5 a.m. and 10 a.m., when airborne pollen is likely to be at its highest each day. Keep home windows closed

How To Get A Refund From Wal-mart!!!
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" which begins to draw an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!"

How To Avoid Your Photo From Being Flagged
N.S.F.W. what does this mean? it means Not Safe For Work...its as simple as that, we all need to use some direction when uploading photos on fubar, yes the answer to everything here is "well this is an adult site" and yes it is but it is NOT a PORN SITE. Some adults on fubar are christian adults, I know this means nothing to most people but it is a good way for some of you to practice somethings that you have lost as a child its called respect for others. As adults we all know what the male body looks like as well as what a female body looks like. please take a moment and use your head when uploading photos. if you go to a photo on someones profile and your very first thought is OH MY!! then 9 out 10 times its a N.S.F.W. photo. please take the time to read the guide lines on this it is in the fubar bible N.S.F.W. Nsfw is stands for Not Safe For Work, to best explain it you can click here. http://fubar.com/bible.php#nsfw Jan 28th 2007 at 22:21:54 Quote Rules for forcing

How Time Flies
how time flies youve been gone so long how i feel now just feels so wrong i miss you so and cant let go to just stop crying and just say no we sit and sort thru all your stuff the pictures and image oh so rough you knew yud leave us and couldnt stay you should have taken it all away instead we sit and sort it all our entire life about to fall each time i close my eyes i see the image of what yu couldnt be im coming home to be with chris im coming home your day i couldnt miss not to cry or she d a tear but to finally let go of all i fear i was so sad yu died alone but all of us yu didnt phone the choice was yours to sit and cry the choice was yours you chose to die as ironic as all of this is to me your death caused me to finally see the value in truth and family the strength thats hidden deep within me you took your life a choice yu had the pain that stopped for that iam glad you hurt alot of p

How To Fertilize Love
"How To Fertilize LOVE" Love is the greatest thing in earth or heaven. Out of it flows most of the things that are worthwhile in life. Love of relatives, love of friends and love of the brethren (1 John 3:14) make life worth living. There is no heart so empty as the heart that is without love. There is no life so joyful as the love-filled life. Love puts a song in the heart, a sparkle in the eye, a smile on the lips and makes the whole being glad. And God's love is greater than all else. He who has God's love has a continual feast. There may be sorrow and care and suffering in the life; but if there is love, it lightens all these. Sometimes there is not the love for the relatives that there ought to be. Sometimes there is not the love for the brethren that should characterize us. When we realize this and feel our lack, the question naturally arises, "How can my love for them be increased?" Plants cannot grow without fertility; that is, the soil must contain the elements necessary

How To Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Suffering From Amnesia
-Suprisingly little baggage. -Simple name(i.e, Bob Spoon, Jack Johnson). -You found him wandering the streets with a bandage on his head. -Honestly perplexed about the origin of his tattoo. -Doesn't think he's ever loved like this before. Should you break up with him? Are you kidding? He's a clean slate. You can dress him how you like, you choose all the movies, and he has no annoying friends or family. Jackpot! The only downsides are :(1) he could regain his memory, and with it, some control of the relationship; and (2) his family and/or friends may find and relcaim him. But they might not recognize him with the makeover you gave him. Keep him while you can.

A "how To"
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, You can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set o

How To Put Together A Spell
HOW TO PUT TOGETHER A SPELL by Lady Bridget, © 1998 Boil everything down to it's barest essentials, to do that - eliminate the people. Don't involve any people in your spell itself - this doesn't mean you have to work alone, this means don't put spells on people! Remember, the only person you can work on is yourself! The only person you have the right to try to change is yourself - work on being the person you always thought you would be. Get down to the nitty-gritty, what do you want? Be exact: "I want a job where I make X dollars an hour, I enjoy what I am doing, I get along with my co-employees and my employer, I work only 9-5 weekdays, I have Holidays off and other time off as needed, etc." Now I don't say exactly what or who I will work for, I leave that to the Universe (and/or God/dess) to manifest that for me. This is being "generally specific" by saying what I want but not how it has to present itself. Also plan to read the want ads and go on job interviews, you need to put

How To Get A Refund From Walmart!!!
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" which begins to draw an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!"

How To Ride A Bicycle
Lean. There is no difference between your hands and the handles, your feet and the pedals are one. Lean further and the wind on your skin is your skin, the clouds are your skin, the grass and the trees in the park are your skin, and children fly kites inside you. Down a hill you go, and the childrens' eyes are your eyes. You watch as, down a hill, the tiniest speck cuts through you.

How The Spirits Move
How the spirits move Free spirits, two move through life with the grace of a hurricane’s tail wind. Ever tasting, the spice that is ……variety. reaching for the unseen, but ever spoken, just ……… beyond reason’s touch. Spirits move, they swim in and out of reality, still without warning they ram into each other, head long. At first the two look confused, stand off, back away. they bump again, only to find that they are linked by common threads loneliness …….fate ……lust ….. passion …….love. They mingle, the two touching mind and body twisting deeper into each other’s souls like the spinning of a child’s toy. Only to move in different worlds to live separate lives. Still there, but not the years mean nothing, between them, yet everything. And the bond grows ……. like time, And the spirits move. May the spirit always move you. By Anita L. Hart

How To Deal With An Office Jerk
Office life can have its ups and downs, but having to endure a jerk can make it miserable. Office jerks take on many forms, and thus require creative strategies for dealing with them. Handling Six Common Types The Loud Phone-Talker. "Obviously the first step is to pull them aside quietly and ask them to lower their voice when using the phone," says Julie Jansen, a career coach, consultant, and trainer. "If this doesn't stop them, you could dish out the same treatment and stand near their cube on your cell phone and talk loudly. Or you can hold up a sign that says, 'Please turn volume down.'" The Hang-Arounder. When confronting the co-worker who chronically lingers to chat when you are trying to make a deadline -- a subtle jerk, but a jerk nonetheless -- try standing up when they enter your office or cube. "The unspoken message of your body language will clearly tell him or her to keep it brief and head for the door," says Ken Lloyd, author of "Jerks at Work: How to Deal Wi

How To Detect A Bad Guy...rule # 1
1.THE SCRUB-Believe it or not,some men resort to the same antics they used in high school to get attention from women.The scrub is harmless for the most part,he may need to be pampered & mothered.He is also a firm believer in throwing a tantrum if he doesn't get his way.

How To Detect A Bad Guy...rule # 2
2.THE WOMANIZER-Unlike the player who uses women to boost his poor self-esteem,the womanizer get his thrills from hurting women intentionally.His testosterone level usually rages in overdrive because he must constantly attract women,& women must constantly be attracted to him.The womanizer has total lack of respect for women & experts say he may humiliate his woman in public just to show off.He is emotionally unavailable & he cares about no one but himself;he also has no concept of right or wrong & is completely irresponsible.

How To Detect A Bad Guy...rule #3
3.The Player-The player suffers from low self-esteem & needs the companionship of many different women to feel good about himself .Some men live to conquer women.They need to define themselves as an attractive,irresistable ladies man to feel worthwile.Their self-esteem is so poor that they always need to be bolstered.One of the ways for them to feel bolstered is by attracting a woman & then winning her over sexually.After the woman submits,he disappears.

How To Detect A Bad Guy...rule #4
4.The Hustler-He loves to mix business with pleasure.While he's stealing your heart,he's also stealing your loot.His general targets range from working class women to women of independent means,& his calling card is to create opportunities to manage your money.They busy themselves taking care of the careers or their women,but they don't have a real job;when the money runs out,he's gone.

How To Detect A Bad Guy...#5
5.The Abuser-The abusive man has to demonstrate his "power or fustration" with his muscles.He has an unsual desire to be in control,often at the cost of belittling the woman.In extreme cases,he is physically abusive. Now I've just given you the top 5 reasons on how to detect a bad guy & I know that there are a lot of con artists out there & just follow the simple rules so you wont fall into their trap.

How To: Play Russian Roulette
Life got you down? Got both a gambling and a risk-taking itch you need to scratch at the same time? Got nothing to do on a Friday night? Well then, just grab crazy Grandpa's old handgun for some Russian roulette, gather round a handful of your chums or family members around the fire, and get ready for the (last) night of your lives! Contents 1 Disclaimer 2 Got a group? 2.1 Enough of that, let's start already! 2.2 Holy Crap!, Billy shot himself! 2.3 Endgame 3 Going solo? 4 See Also Disclaimer Before you start playing, it's important to realize that there are several other methods to play this game. The typical orthodox method involves a single working handgun with either a rotary set of chambers or a semi-automatic with a hideously defective magazine. However, depending on your tastes and testes, other variations are available. For the weak hearted, one can use a water gun in its stead (pump powered models are not advised). If you're more hardcore and/or live

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This is an unbreakable safety measure to prevent your comuter from being hacked. Your private, financial and personal information. Hacker software...whatever. Forget all that. Have a separate computer for the Internet. Don't have your personal and financial information, your personal address book with all the names of your friends and family and customer information connected to the Internet. Then the only wy that information can be stolen is if your computer is physically stolen. But you will keep it hacker free by having one Net computer and one personal computer. You can get a large external hard drive that you can back up all your information, documents, downloads, videos, music, or whatever on that you can plug and unplug from each computer in seconds to share and transfer files when you need them. I download files and then transfer them onto the external hard drive so that I always have them. Computers are so cheap now that you can get anything you need. You can bu

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies", he responded. "Oh! Killing any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!"

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How to tell if your girl is faking So it's come to my attention that most all guys out there think that they are giving their girls orgasms and have never had a girl fake one. However after a study was done that reveals the truth about how many females out there actually fake their orgasms it was shocking for most men to find out that about 70% of ALL women surveyed claim to have faked an orgasm and 49% claim that they fake orgasm on a regular basis! That's a lot. so chances are that if you "think" you've given a girl an orgasm their is a 50% chance you have been fooled. Women are GREAT at faking it, and most men cannot tell. So I had a crap load of e-mails from guys who wanted to know if there was a way to tell if they had been being orgasmically deceived. and I can say that: YES!! you can tell, and here are the best ways: Clitoral Sensitivity: this is one of the best ways to determine the truth. After a male has an orgasm the head of his penis becomes extremely sensitive and

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Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off. ( FART ) and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off

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Thank you for showing interest in The Down & Dirty Crew Family! Please follow the instructions below. If you cannot follow these simple guidelines please do not respond to this . We are a NO Drama family. We provide all family members with support/backup and any help needed. We do not ask that you LIKE all members…but we DO expect you to RESPECT all members of our family. 1. Every new member must Fan/Add and Rate (pros only...pics/stash if you like) All existing members of the D&DC family. (This list of members is posted in the “FAMILY” section on our home page.) If you Join and do not follow this step your “family membership” will be deleted. 2. Drama will NOT be tolerated in this family! Any drama seekers/starters or instigators will be banned from the family. 3. We don't expect and bombing or leveling from members, if you choose to do so its by your own choice. 4. When commenting feel free to use your own comments or ours it doesn't matter. 5. You may rate pics and

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It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynaecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but

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"There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Prof noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government. In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you p

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How to Play Poker Squares Solitaire Poker squares is played with a single, well shuffled pack of 52 playing cards. Only the first 25 to 30 cards are used and so there is a slight element of luck involved regarding the initial shuffle. Apart from this, Poker Squares requires considerable skill and strategy. A poker square consists of 25 cards of 5 columns and 5 rows. Each row and each column of five cards each, form 10 winning poker hands and give a score depending on the probability of its occurance (see Poker Scoring). Your final score is the total of the scores for your 10 poker hands. Cards are turned face up from the shuffled stock, one at a time. Each card has to be placed into an empty space in the poker square before the next card is dealt. Once placed, it cannot be moved. A variation featured in Solitaire City is the introduction of a reserve where up to five cards may be stored temporarily. The top, exposed card of the reserve is always available and may be played to the poke

How To Lick Pussy
omg you guys have gotta read this ..lmaooo by the way i did not write this 1 ok..enjoy!!!! There is really only one way to eat pussy. And that is with every fiber of your being. Now don’t get me wrong there are several styles and positions you can do it in but to really lick and eat pussy you have to want to be down there and not afraid to get your face and hands messy. You have to lay her back and spread her legs and kiss and lick and tease her pussy before you even think about entering her with a finger or tongue. You have to admire her legs and kiss and nibble and lick them. You cannot also forget that the rest of her body is very sensitive while you are between her legs, let your hands roam, play with her breasts, take her hands in your hand, feel her excitement. Now that you have driven her crazy with your teasing it is time to lick a single lick from the very bottom of her to the very tip of her pussy. This single long lick should receive a long slow moan and perhaps her f

How To Make A Woman Happy
How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. gi

How To Entertain Yourself When Stuck In A Boring Party:
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce. Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new. When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands! Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?" Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better! Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it. Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..." Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions. Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too) If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.

How To Win A Booty Bangs Cd?
CONTEST: Booty Bangs Contest! Here's how to win: 1) Post one of Jessi's videos on your page 2) Post a Jessi banner on your page 3) Add one of Jessi's songs to your page Then, post a comment on this blog letting me know that it's up. Winners will be announced in a few weeks. Good luck!

How To Make Your Abum Private Again!
Thanks to The Public Enemy!!! luv ya!!! So everyone knows about the glitches in private albums by now I'm sure. All you have to do is go into the album and set the album to "NSFW content", then undo it and set your album to whatever you want! LOL Seems pretty easy huh! All the credit goes to: The Public Enemy~DJ For Fallen Angels Lounge ~@ fubar Show him some love!!! xoxo, Bunny

How To Catch Wild Pigs
how to catch wild pigs Body: There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some Foreign Exchange students in his class. One day while the class was in the lab the Prof noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country, who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government. In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every

How To Make Fudge The Manly Way
Man Fudge C’mon people, get your minds out of the toilet… I like to cook, but I hate baking. Cooking, to me isn’t an exact science – I can go hari kari on sauces and marinades, pretty much go by the smell to add seasonings and such. In baking can’t do that or something either falls, or explodes. There is one recipe though that I never screw up. It’s one hell of a sugar high, which is a good thing. Phase 1 1 tall glass 1 40 of rye 2 tbsp margarine 2/3 cup evaporated milk 1 2/3 cup sugar ½ tsp salt 2 cups tiny marshmallows 1 ½ cups chocolate chips 1 tsp of vanilla extract 1 8 by 8 pan wax paper a big pot a bowl 1. Pour approximately an ounce of rye in glass. To fool your mind, make sure you have a firm grip around glass and hold it at eyelevel so that the ounce starts at the top of your fingers. Drink deeply. 2. Cover pan with layer of wax paper. Refill glass with rye. 3. Put margarine, evapor

How To Argue With A Woman
Step 1: Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you. Step 2: If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fucking Periodic Table. (There’s nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?) Step 3: Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person. Step 4: Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.Com to see what "preced

How To Make Love Without Reservation
Subject: LOVE DRESS A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was Shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work." The daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are y

How To Treat Women, Good Or Bad
sometimes i think im little to nice to women and guve them way to much satisfaction. i tend to put them on a pedestal, maybe a little to high. but i dont get much in return. i wonder if treating them different or not as good would change things. instead of being nice i thought bout disrespecting a women little. what u think ladies.

How To Take Your Business To The Next Level
Expect the best and you free yourself from thoughts of failure. This freedom will allow you to put all your energy into achieving everything you desire. If you expect to fail, then you inevitably will. However, if you expect to succeed, then the sky is the limit... Success is a combination of skill and belief. Use the following guidelines to release your doubts and succeed at every endeavour you undertake .-------------------------- In a hurry? Visit http://www.hypnoticinstantprofits.com/freemp3/?a=348 today and claim your self hypnosis mp3... at no cost -------------------------- Let go of doubt and truly expect the best possible outcome. The mind has a sneaky way of achieving what it views as fact. If you firmly believe in the best outcome, your mind will automatically lead you to achieving that outcome.To help with this process, visualize your success in full color with Dolby surround sound. The more detail you see and the more emotion you feel, the more you strengthen y

How To Make Your Life Easier
How to Make Your Life Easier Ever get fed up with life and want to change it? But you don’t know how right? Well let me tell you something, if you follow these simple steps I can help you turn everything around just for you. Step One: Skip work. Simple yet productive. Work is a real drag and can sometimes out you in a foul mood. When take a day off without being sick you may feel a minor twinge of guilt. Don’t worry it’s a small side effect. No reason to go running to your boss and tell them you have lied. Just chill and breathe, once the guilt is gone, do whatever you want when you want. This is called “freedom”. Tip: When skipping work it’s a good idea not to drive pass or go into your place of employment at any circumstances. Step Two: Make rude hand gestures to anyone who upsets you while driving. Honk the horn a couple times and call them every name in the book. It may seem childish or immature but this is what I like to call “releasing the drivers demons”. A great

How To Date Women "out Of Your League"
How To Date Women "Out Of Your League" >Men tend to base attraction on LOOKS, and women tend to base attraction on "chemistry" and "sexual tension"... and other things that involve your PERSONALITY. If you'd like to learn the secret to creating attraction with women that are "out of your league", then go and read THIS: http://www.DatingTechniques.com/e/17842/SexualCommunication/?cid=ZZZ3ZM&lid=1 ***DATING QUESTION FROM A READER*** Dear Dave, I was very skeptical of your approach, but I have been trying C & F routine recently and it has been working like a charm. Your CD is incredible with information that builds on your book. An example of C & F happened recently. Women always make comments of my age and how I appear much younger than my age (i'm in my mid-thirties but appear to be 24-25). Before reading your book and listening to your CD, I would simply laugh or say thank you if a woman said I looked a lot younger than my age. Recently I was out with my

How To Tell The Sex Of A Fly
THIS IS JUST TOO CUTE. This is the cleanest E-mail joke I've come across in a long while! A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

How To For Profile Settings....
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ HOW TO GET TO PROFILE SETTINGS AND WHAT THE PAGE CONTAINS One way to go to your profile settings, is to go to the gray tool bar and hover over "My" Home | My | Top | Latest |INVITE-NEW! | Fun & Games | Gifts - NEW! | Lounges | Help | Logout When you hover over "My" this is what you get a drop down menu.... Photos Profile Stash MUMMs Blogs Contacts Blasts Lounges fuBank Account Messages Favorite Photos CLICK "PROFILE": This will bring you to your profile settings. (Account Settings will be the Default tab when you go to profile settings!) This is what you will see when you scroll down... view my profile as everyone else does..click here to edit your CORE interests.note: your email and mobile addresses are NOT displayed on your public profile!

How To Tell A Girl You Love Her.
There's this girl that I'm totally in love with. I've been thinking about ways to tell her I love her. Here are a few of my ideas - 1. Take her to a really romantic setting in the woods in late evening. Pull a candle out and some wine. Light the candle next to a log and sit down near a pretty flowing creek with fur trees and the fresh smell of fallen pine needles. Smile and look her in the eyes and ask her if she's cold. Girls love it when you're romantic and caring like that. So she'll probably say yes. If she says yes, put your arm around her and everything is cute and cuddly and blissful. However, if she says no, grab a tree trunk and knock her into the icy creek. Let her float down the current a little then pull her out by her hair and ask, "How about now?" And she'll probably say yes. Of course she'll say yes. Girls are very predictable like that. Then offer her your jacket and tell her you're only giving it to her to silence the annoying teeth chatter. If she gets hissy, push

How To Swear In All Languages
How to Swear in All Languages -------------------------------------------------Afrikaans Poes / Doos - Pussy Fok jou - Fuck you Jy pis my af - You're pissing me off Hoer - Whore Slet - Slut Kak - Shit Poephol - Asshole Dom Doos - Dump Pussy Gaan fok jouself - Go fuck yourself -------------------------------------------------Arabic Koos - cunt. nikomak - fuck your mother sharmuta - whore zarba - shit kis - vagina zib - penis Elif air ab tizak! - a thousand "dicks" in your ass! kisich - pussy Elif air ab dinich - A thousand dicks in your religion Mos zibby! - Suck my dick! Waj ab zibik! - An infection to your dick! kelbeh - bitch (lit a female dog) Muti - jackass Kanith - Fucker Kwanii - Faggot Bouse Tizi - Kiss my ass -------------------------------------------------Armenian Aboosh - Stupid Dmbo, Khmbo - Idiot Myruht kooneh - Fuck your mother Peranuht shoonuh kukneh - The dog should shit in your mouth Esh - Donkey Buhlo (BUL-lo) - Dick Kuk oud

How To Get Girls And Other Expert Dating Advice.
This is hands down the best advice you'll ever hear. Write it on your wall right now. In fact, tattoo it on the inside of your eyelids: FORGET ABOUT HER. People always wonder about the meaning of life. I know the answer. The meaning of life for women is to deprive men's lives from having any meaning. That way neither gender has a meaning and we both live and die miserable and pointless lives. Have you ever been on a date and gone home with something besides a used condom stuck to your underwear? Have you ever taken a girl out to dinner and had anything exciting happen besides the traditional ten second orgasm? Hell no. I have never gone on a date and left with a new car or a pay raise or new toy of any kind. Zero. Ever. Girls are a waste of time. Some girls don't even grant you the ten seconds of pleasure that you worked so hard to achieve. You go on a date and stare at her tits all night wishing she'd shut up. Girls should wake up and realize how much we don't care. Why do t

How Things Change
As some have know my aunt has been sick. She has a rare form of cancer that she was fighting agressivly and with limited success. Unfortunately that has come to an end. In a short amount of time the tumor has increased in size by a factor of 4 now covering 6 discs in her back. A prognosis that was once 'hopeful to 3 years' has now been reduced to 2-4 months. As many know I lost my father at a very young age (6 years old). My Grandmother on my father's side passed a few years back, so my aunt is my last connection to my dad. She will be at Methodist for a week or so and then they will move her to hospice. The situation became so bad that they implanted a morphine pump today for direct medication upon the site. She was one of the few people who was not afraid to discuss my dad with me and tell me of him.....good, bad and ugly. Now I'm losing that. She was also the one that taught me, while going through my divorce, that our lives a finite, limited, and that we can do is decide how to us

How To Simulate Shipboard Life At Home
How To Simulate Shipboard Life At Home ( Notice the Background is "Haze Gray and Underway" ! ) * When commencing this simulation, remember to lock yourself inside your house and board up all windows and doors with all friends and family outside. Communicate only with letters that your neighbor will hold up for four (or six) weeks before delivering, losing one out of every five. Have a bleary-eyed, overworked, disinterested slob yell "Mail Call!" at random intervals through one week of each month, only to tell you with a smirk, "You didn't get anything" nine out of ten times. * Surround yourself with people you would not choose to be with, roughly one person per squarre yard; those you do know, you don't like. Suggested choices are those who: chain smoke, fart loudly and often, snore like a steam locomotive on an uphill grade. Also, they must: complain incessantly, seldom shower and/or brush their teeth. Lastly, they must use expletives in speech like children use sugar o

How To Get Rid Of Unwanted Men
Ladies, we all hang around bars . As women you get hit on a lot more than we male types. So here is a few things to help to get your point across: WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!! HE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money. HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE : I must've been given your share. HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE : Your face must turn a few heads. SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE : Okay, get out. HE : I think I could make you very happy. SHE : Why? Are you leaving? HE : What would you say if I asked you to mar

How To Say "i Love You" In 100 Languages
How to say I Love You in 100 Languages English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic - Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez sirumen Bambara - M\'bi fe Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee) Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a Catalan - T\'estimo Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i (Thanks Nancy!) Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol - Mi aime jou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou van jou Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien) Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki\' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua French - Je

How To Handle A Hostage Situation
� �Demands of Kidnapper & Chinese Release Negotiations � � � "I have 3 demands or I'll kill the boy!" � Negotiators assess the situation from next door. � � � Head Negotiator dispatched � � Negotiations begin � � � Negotiations concluded � In this country, we would block off the street, take 12 hours to talk him out of it, spend $5 million giving him a fair trial, and pay his food and lodging for life. � No wonder their products are cheaper than ours

How To Get In Touch With Your Feminine Side
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, s

How To Fin The Right Girl
i am having a tough time finding the right woman for me i am very shy and bashful i get all tensed when it comes to women i am 35 and still a virgin i must be stupid or im too ugly to be with anyone i just wish i could find that special someone to be with i really suck

How To Survive The Apocalypse.
Anticipating the end of the world causes a lot of anxiety and overwhelms us with the fear of dying. Before working on post-apocalyptic survival, we must remember that once the world dooms itself and we're all in hell, we really won't be missing much. When the world goes to shit, so does everything on it. This includes weed plantations, ISPs, and probably a large percentage of the hot chicks. When Armageddon happens, pretty much the only things left alive will be cockroaches and telemarketers. Those annoying little insects will never die, I swear to god. Whenever I see one, I stomp it with my foot. Regardless, they always scurry away and move on to annoy other people - disturbing everything and ruining everybody's appetite. Seriously, they really piss me off, and so do cockroaches. If you're still not convinced to go down with your ship, I know a few secrets that will help you survive. First try killing yourself over and over until you become reincarnated as a cockroach. Once

How To Spot A Hoax
How to spot a hoax By "HELLFIRE" HANNAH WIEST Star-Tribune staff writer [oas:casperstartribune.net/features/range:Middle1] The managing editor of Skeptical Inquirer, a magazine that critically investigates claims of paranormal activity, has a haunted front door. Ever since he moved in five months ago, Benjamin Radford has heard a loud knock around 7 a.m. every day. But, when he opens the door to check it out, there is nothing there. It is not the paperboy. It is not an animal. It must be a ghost, right? Wrong. Radford's door -- painted white inside, dark red outside -- faces east in sunny New Mexico. Every morning when the sun rises around 7, the door heats up, expands and makes a knocking sound. But, Radford says, his mysterious door is just the sort of thing that can be mistaken for a ghost when it actually has a natural cause. Call him a Halloween spoilsport -- a poo-pooer of all things that go bump in the night. A 2003 Harris Poll found that more th

How To Kill Yourself Like A Man...
Only 14 year old girls try to overdose on Tylenol. YAWN. How about killing yourself with some style? How about killing yourself like a man? Here are some manly ways to shove off this mortal coil, along with ratings for each category from 1 to 10: Eat a tub full of beans: Manliness: 8 Style: 4 Awesomeness: 8 Mess: 5 What you need: a tub, enough beans to fill said tub. How to do it: just dig in, you chunky son of a bitch! Keep eating until you can't possibly eat anymore, then eat some more. Your gut will rupture and you will shit yourself. The cool thing about this method is that it's not only disgusting to clean up, but you'll probably be so bloated from the beans (choose Van Camp's by the way, not Bush's baked beans unless you like the taste of beans pickled in ball sweat) that you probably won't fit in the casket without some serious reconstructive surgery. Guess who's footing the bill for that one? That's right: friends and family. Just kidding. You have no friends.

How True~
THE LAWS OF LIFE & Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. & Law of the Workshop Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. & Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. & Law of the Telephone If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. & Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. & Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). & Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. & Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are wi

How To Become A Member
First of all I have been absent for a while, but now I am back to raise the foot lovers and the gorgeous feet of Fubar to the next level! To become a Bare Feet Society lover: 1) Must atleast have a favorite current member of Bare Feet Society that you support in contests. 2) Must have atleast 1 photo of yourself worshiping feet. 3) Example of your name if you are approved: General Rabbit ~Bare Feet Society lover~ To become a Bare Feet Society member: 1) Must have an album of just your bare feet, no shoes! 2) Nylons are allowed in some photos. 3) Example of your name if you are approved: General Rabbit ~Bare Feet Society~

How To Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

How To Express Whats Deep In My Head
how to express whats deep in my head to know what to write so that it is read not sure of emotions or feelings to feel not sure what is online or just what is real trained to believe its a text or a lie the feelings on here sent just to die a fantasy or dream not real but just fake to not be felt anymore click the x then awake looking for real and truth to explore knowing out there there has to be more someone who knows me can see thru my soul someone who trusts i just want to be whole how do you ignore what is so plain to see can you let go and not have it be to know in your mind what you see is for you but not be able to take it and just live it thru restrictions and limits due to a modem and cam distance and doubt hide all that iam to thine own self be true the rest it will come til then its is online internet i come from so look at my cam and read all of my text and then close the box moving on to the next

How To Call The Police When You're Old
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along w hen available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. George continued, "well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at t

How To Speak British Without Making An Arse Of Yourself
I was chatting up this lass. (British slang for flirting with a chick.) She was telling me how different her country's slang is from our American slang. For instance, at work, she had to make a phone call to a man. She tells her boss, "I'm sorry, but he's engaged." This lead to some confusion. "Engaged" just means that the man wasn't picking up the phone because he was on the other line. His phone line is engaged. Weird! Here are some other wacky British slang terms: * “To knock you up” means to wake you up by knocking on the door. * To "diddle" means to cheat someone. * A "fag" is a cigarette. * When the British are surprised or shocked they exclaim, "Blow me!" * "Slap and tickle" means having sex. * And courage is "a lotta bottle." From drinking alcohol from a bottle. * And to them a real jerk is called a "wanker." I can imagine a conversation at the front desk of a bed and breakfast in England: CLERK: Tomorrow morning, would you like me to kno

How To Get Refferals On Fubar - The Legit Way
Many have noticed I know how to get referrals... So you want to know how to go about getting legit referrals. First I must stress it’s not a walk in the park. You can't just post your referral link by itself and expect to get referral joins. You need to work and you got to work hard to get referral joins. Yes it can be time consuming but that is what work is. So Get a pen and paper and take notes as this is a lesson on how to go about getting referrals. The first thing you’re going to want to do is find your referral code. Then you’ll want to mask/hide the referral code. You do this by finding a site who can make the long url small, I use http://surl.se/" target="_blank">http://surl.se/ Feel free to use any type of redirect site. I just mention this one. The reason you want to mask/hide your URL referral code is because sometimes people like to be jerks and just join the site without giving you credit as being the one who recommended the site to them. The second reason is

How To Prepare For College.
1. Make yourself a little memory box. Collect a bunch of trinkets and things that reminds you of your life at home and store them in a cute little safe storage container that you decorated by yourself. Stick old letters in there as well as artificats that spawn happy memories. Once you've compiled all these little nuggets of nostalgia and joy, throw the fucking thing in a fire. 2. Get in touch with all your old high school friends. They may be outdated, but they all have something to offer. Like stereos. Go to your old friend's houses and steal as much shit as you can. Radios, DVDs, RAM, anything that you want but probably wouldn't buy yourself. They'll find out it's you, but it'll be too late - you'll be gone. Also, have abusive and unprotected sex with the dirtiest, skankiest sluts from high school that you always wanted to pork but didn't in fear of reprocussions. Nothing will cap off your hometown experience better. Get them pregnant, whatever. It doesn't matter because you're g

How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready For Kids
How to know whether or not you are ready for kids MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug

How To Shower
How To Shower How to shower like a woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and coloureds. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups. Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and jaffa cake body wash. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Flash. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super

How To Tell Her
she is so sexy. her smile, her laugh, her personality....... everything about her makes me want her more. but how do i tell her when im scared. scared she wont care. im so confused what should i do?!?!?!?!?!

How To Get A Morph From My Soon To Be Hubby
I have been told I am the best at making morphs. THese are a few of the ones I have done. If you would like one message me and we can talk about how you will get one. I have about every image you can imagine. If i dont have it link it to me if you dont know how I can explain it to you. The first Pic is the link to my page. ¢ÔRocket¢Ô Marie I love you so much baby. You are my world!!!!¢¾¢¾¢¾@ fubar These are some of the morphs I have made.

How To Be Friends With Benefits
Romantic relationships can be wonderful and exhilarating, but they can also be stressful and hard to come by. Sometimes you just want occasional companionship and sex without the obligations. This is when a "friends with benefits" relationship comes in handy. Follow these steps to experience the advantages of a romance without the hassle. Instructions Steps 1 Step One Be clear about what you want. To make your friends with benefits experience a good one, know what you expect from the relationship. Take the time to really think about it. There is no one-size-fits-all formula. Having a basic understanding of your needs and being able to articulate those needs could help you save lot of drama in the end. 2 Step Two Choose your partner wisely. This is by far the trickiest and most important step. Being friends with benefits requires a delicate balance. Your partner should be someone who you enjoy spending time with and someone looking for the same things as you in a friends with be

How To Strip Tease For A Woman
Men aren't the only ones who enjoy a good show. Women are equally turned on by gyrating body parts and naked flesh. Perform a strip tease for your woman, and she'll be pleasantly surprised and intrigued by your sexy display. Follow these steps to spice up your sex life and perform a strip tease for your woman. Steps 1. Step One Be confident. Confidence is a potent aphrodisiac for both men and women. Be sure of yourself without arrogance, and your woman will definitely be turned on. There is nothing sexier than a man who can perform a strip tease without feeling insecure. 2. Step Two Choose a mood. Your strip tease should be indicative of your personality. If you're a funny guy, then don't be afraid to incorporate humor into your performance. If you're naturally suave, then trust your instincts. As long as you're comfortable, your innate sex appeal will shine. 3. Step Three Find a theme song. After you've chosen the tone for your strip tease, it'll be easier to pick music that

How To Give A B... J..
How to give your man the best blow job Most men think that all women are born knowing how to give a good blow job. This is actually far from true; many women aren't sure how to give a good blow job. For instance some women believe that biting the penis feels good but most men will tell you otherwise. Most men don't like the feeling of teeth on their penis. Teeth can create discomfort and can possibly tear the skin if you are not careful. To minimize any discomfort from teeth try tucking your lips over your teeth before giving a blow job. To practice this technique, try placing your lips together with your teeth apart. Then open your lips slowly and keep your teeth apart and that should work perfectly. Another aspect of giving a good blow job is lubrication. Most people tend to use their own saliva as lubrication. When practicing safe sex and your using a condom for fellatio, try an un-lubricated brand because lubricated brands most of the times have a bad taste. If you prefer

How To Eat
Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it made. Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs. Now stop an

How To Love Somebody
How to Love Somebody There is no definite way of loving, but here are some tips. Remember that love should be based on a healthy friendship first. Almost all relationships based solely on pure infatuation or lust crumble fast. [edit]Steps Love is an action not a feeling. Your love for someone is defined by what you do for them and how they change the things that you do for yourself. Listen. Take time to understand their thoughts, their worries, their concerns, their opinions. What's a real relationship without the effort of understanding each other? And when listening, don't interrupt. Be kind and light-hearted. Don't be a drama king/queen by saying things like "If I didn't have you, I'd kill myself" or anything like that. Use common sense; don't scare the heck out of your lover. Cheer the other person up when they're feeling down. Be sensitive to their feelings. Spend time together. Have special intentions for each other... it should come naturally. If you start getting sick

How To Use Layouts
Hi There Welcome to Fubar! Here is a quick guide to using layouts HOMEPAGE STYLES "NEWBIES": Go to MY then PROFILE OR CLICK LINK BELOW:http://www.fubar.com/profile.php/ "ORIGINAL": OR CLICK LINK BELOW:http://www.fubar.com/profile.php/ scroll down to homepage style Change it to POWER "POWER": DO NOTHING YOU ARE ALREADY THERE SAVE Make sure you have one Active Skin: Go to "HOMEPAGE" "EDIT MY SKINS" http://www.fubar.com/myskins.php/ If you have No Skins "CREATE" one Use the one that is there, type in DEFAULT for the name SAVE Find a layout code you like, most sites will work, I have listed a few below: http://www.skem9.com./ http://www.groovy-layouts.com/http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/ COPY CODE GO to Fubar "HOMEPAGE" ,http://www.fubar.com/home.php/ "EDIT MY PROFILE" http://www.fubar.com/profile.php/Paste into MUSIC or ABOUT ME sec

How To Make Love To A Scorpio
Scorpio is often called the sexiest sign in the zodiac because it rules the house of sex. Scorpios are intuitive, intelligent and confident. They are master strategists in sex, love and life in general. They are very aware of what is in their best interest and know how to get it. Scorpios live passionately and unapologetically. They definitely believe in the power of sex. Follow these steps to make sure your Scorpio lover is satisfied. Instructions Difficulty: Moderate Steps 1.Surrender. Or at least let Scorpio think that you have. Scorpios like to be in control. They like to be the seducer. It's okay to take charge of everything now and then for variety, but this too must be handled in a way that doesn't make Scorpio feel powerless. 2. Be fearless. Though Scorpios like to be in control, they don't like pushovers. Be bold and Scorpio will see you as a worthy conquest. 3. Play the game. Scorpios love a challenge. They are calculating and often think 3 moves ahead. Matc

How To Be Attractive To A Woman
No, you don’t need to get plastic surgery to become attractive to women. You may be surprised to discover that the qualities women are seeking in men are much more than skin deep. In fact, if you want to become attractive to women, it will serve you greatly to work on inner characteristics and traits rather than the outward appearance. Of course, you need to work on your physical appearance, have good grooming, and make the most of your natural strengths, but the true characteristics that make men the most appealing to women are virtues that rest under the surface. If you’ve ever asked the question, "How did that guy get her?", then these tips are for you. The first way to be attractive to any woman is to exude self-confidence. Women are attracted to men who are sure of themselves. From the moment you first meet until you finally say, "I do", let your relationship be one based on self-confidence. If a woman knows that you are sure of yourself, set goals and achieve them, and are

How To Flirt: Flirting Tips Help You Show Interest
You are at a party and out of nowhere someone is standing close to you. Like a genie, they keep turning up, close by, catching your gaze. You go and chat and they stand in the same position as you, playing with their hair, laughing with you and holding your gaze. This person likes you and is flirting. How do you know? Because without realizing it, you are an expert in flirting and body language. What would dating be without flirting. Flirting is fabulous, flirting is fun, flirting is giving out signals that we may be interested in someone, or we may be pretending. But within reason, flirting is part and parcel of our daily lives. Flirting can be harmful when it threatens fidelity but it can also be sexy and bring people closer together. Some people are good at flirting and some people hopeless. Are you a flirt? If you are you know it and are secretly proud of the fact. It is sexy when you flirt and people like it. Flirting means giving people attention, it means, smiling, to

How To Shower Like A Woman/man
How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while

How To Argue.
A Tutorial by Dirty McDirt In a democratic society, debate is extremely important. Sadly, most people don't know how to make valid arguments and defend them properly. They initiate debates and fumble around with words and vague statements, all backed up by a poorly constructed thesis. Here is a brief tutorial on arguing logically, making good points, and defending your arguments. Chapter 1 | Terminology A. Debate - a formal discussion involving one or more people who develop arguments and logically defend their points to prove their position true. Example: "Tool gives the best live performance ever." "No they don't." "Yeah they do, stupid idiot." B. Hypothesis - stance on a topic which the debate focuses around. Example: "America's government blows ass." C. Thesis - logical comparative clause that supports the hypothesis. Example: "God exists because it says so in the bible, you moron. You're going to hell." D. Argument - something you say to piss your o

How To Resolve Personal Conflicts
It's perfectly normal to run into conflicts with friends and family members at some point in the relationship. But if you struggle with handling conflicts, don't worry—we're here to help! Use these five simple steps to help conquer your fears and smooth over your relationship quibbles. Acknowledge the situation. Sometimes we don't want to acknowledge conflicts because we think they reflect poorly on ourselves. Other times, we're just scared. Remember: Think positive. Plus, it's almost never as bad as you think. Try repeating empowering and encouraging mantras to yourself such as "Be assertive," or "It's not that big of a deal." Close your eyes to ease your mind and summon the courage to improve your circumstances. Then take a deep breath—you can do it! Set the stage. When and where you choose to discuss the situation can be as important as the discussion itself. First, pick a good time. It should be when your spouse or friend is in a good mood and not preoccupied with other thi

How To Sleep Well On Halloween Night!!!!
The thing to remember when you go to bed Is hang strings of garlic high over your head, So werewolves and vampires won't come to call. In fact you won't get many callers at all 'Cause garlic is smelly, besides its success With magical creatures who visit distress On humans who read scarey stories at night, And sleep in their bedrooms without a night-light. The thing to remember when you go to bed Is putting a cross at your foot and your head, 'Cause witches and vampire bats are religious And touching a sign like a cross gives them hideous Goosebumps and warts, hives, the welts and the itches, Which nobody likes, even vampire bats and witches. But try not to toss or to turn in your bed. If you kick off the crosses you're gonna wake dead. The thing to remember when you go to bed Is watch out for goblins who munch on your head. What stops them is water, so ask for a glass, Then pour it around so the goblins can't pass. Or else make a run for the

How The Artwork For Scarybirds Came To Be
I managed Stu Smith the artist to update his site with current stuff and hes wrote a brief description of how the artwork happened, which is fun to read here is a link to the page they on click Scarybirds On how it came to pass

How They All Begin....
All Fairytales involve a Handsome Prince, a Gorgeous Princess, a Twisted spell and a long heartwrenching journey of discovery before true love brings them together. Remember, not all frogs are Handsome Princes and not all Handsome Princes are kind and caring. Stories have a way of twisting in on themselves depending on the teller. Close your eyes, lay down your head and imagine along......... Once upon a time, a long time ago in a beautiful land long since forgotten, there was a King, so loved by all the people that peace was held for many years. Taxes were never raised, crime did not exsist and no one was ever left hungry. One bright and glorious morning the King and his Queen anounced the coming birth of their first child. All the Kingdom rejoiced in this news and word was sent both far and wide..... pay close watch and more will come soon, lol....

How To Party In A U-haul
HOW TO PARTY IN A U-HAUL: How to party in a U-Haul??? Easier said than done, but I can tell you what I know from last night. Step 1: Rent a U-Haul from your friendly truck rental. (It's a good idea to actually have some official work such as moving to get your full money's worth. And whether you do or not, thats your story and you're sticking to it!) Step 2: Spend all day with a good friend struggling to get your wordly posessions out of your former apartment. It helps if your friend hasn't been up all night partying/playing video games. This prevents delays and injury from unorthodox moving methods involving large pieces of furniture and the confined space within the U-Haul. (If you just wanted the U-Haul to party in, just lie to the truck rental and skip to "Step 3") Step 3: Either prepare in advance by calling your friends or just achieve ultimate suprise by just showing up with a big-ass U-Haul as your ride. Encourage large numbers of your friends to climb in back t

How To Find Me On Cam.
Ok last try at posting this... hopefully it's clearer for you all. Register a profile at alt.com (you can view cams with a standard account, no credit card or payment is needed) after you create the account, go to your homepage click on "Live Webcams" (it's near the center of the page) click on couples (man & woman) then look through the list for sinamynlee click on "view live webcam" NOT on the name to get to the private chatroom that i talk in - on the page that has the view live webcam link - click on my Name, on that page, under the picture there will be a link to enter the private chatroom. Side notes: 1. profiles must be approved by alt before you can enter the chatroom, however you can view webcams before then. 2. When the order screen comes up, you DO NOT have to upgrade. simply click on home and click on live webcams again and continue from there. Good luck, lol Sin

How To Be Happy
How to Be Happy Current mood: peaceful Robert Louis Stevenson, Scottish novelist, poet, and travel writer., suffered poor health from childhood until he died at age 44. But he never allowed illness to conquer his spirit. He felt that being happy was a duty, and he faithfully followed a number of precepts to keep himself as happy as possible. Here they are: 1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things. 2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has some sorrow mixed in with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. 3. Don't take yourself to seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortunes that befall other people. 4. Don't let criticism worry you. You can't please everybody. 5. Don't let others set your standards. Be yourself. 6. Do the things you enjoy doing, but don't go into debt in the process. 7. Don't borrow trouble. Imaginary th

How The Fight Got Started
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one ARE you then?" . . . and that's when the fight started . .

How To Turn Us Gals Off Fast!!
Tell her what you don't want her to wear. Look at another woman while talking to her. Show her that you have no direction in your life. Be too proud of your qualities. Drink too much or have a serious addiction. Insult her style, friends or family. Use stupid pickup lines like: "Do you want to have sex?" "Can I smell your roses?" "Baby, that's the sweetest butt I've ever seen!" "Hey you, come here.

How To Win 'bonehead Of The Year' Award
If you want to know how to win th BONEHEAD OF THE YEAR Award, take a page from truck driver Larry Walter's book. One day in July, 1982, Larry (33 at the time) attached 42 helium-filled weather balloons to a Sear's lawn chair and went for a little skyway cruise. He launched himself from his girlfriend's back yard in San Pedro, Ca., with the intention of leisurely floating out over the desert to enjoy the view below. He took along such necessities as a bottle of pop, a camera, his CB radio, a few water jugs for ballast, and a pellet gun - to puncture balloons when he wanted to come down. Things didn't go exactly as planned. When he directed his 'ground crew' buddy to release one of the ropes tethering the apparatus to the bumper of his car, the other rope snapped, and instead of drifting slowly upward, Larry and his chair shot into the air like a rocket. He lost his sun glasses and soon found himself at 16,000 ft,. freezing cold and lacking oxygen. Instead of moving towar

How To Know *if* You're A New Yorker By Willy -- A Born & Raised Nyer!
How to know *IF* you're a New Yorker By Willy -- A born & raised NYer! 1. New Yorkers ARE NOT FUCKIN' RUDE! AND ANYBODY WHO THINKS SO CAN SHOVE IT -- you know where! (I told you we ain't rude). 2. Born and raised New Yorkers don't have accents; people from the south have a "lazy drawl," people in Cali talk "like Oh Wow that's awesome," Midwesterners talk "corn porn," Bahstuners are always driving a "cah to a bah." etc.. Of course New York's many immigrants all arrive talking "funny." But much of that language, in a few, becomes NY slang. See number 13. 3. Crosswalks WTF are those? You cross the street from wherever YOU are NOT the freaking lines on the road! 4. Depending on your age, and musical tastes, you've been to a "live" music concert at; Averery Fisher Hall, the Metropolitan Opera, Lincoln Center, Radio City Music Hall, the Filmore East, Roselands Ballroom, Madison Square Garden -- screw the Meadowlands it's in Jersey - The Bottom Line, CBGBs, or all the above! 5.

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (or Less)
lol so its not the movie and its not matthew... but I seem to know just what to say to get them running for the door!! or to lose interest or whatever... maybe I need to post more info on my profile so they just pass through...........

How To Get Fans The Sgb And Thomas Way
Looks like the easiest way to gain fans acording to SGB would be create accts and go and fan yourself and your love with all of them, looks like she would have been smart enough not to use pics from her personal folders to use as the fakes icons, I just wonder, You can go to any of her joined accts and if you will look and see who has fanned them and who they fanned you can see the pattern. This does seem like a lot easier way to rack up on fans doesent it now. There are a few screen shots here for your enjoyment, if this isnt enough, just go check out any of the rest of her referals and judge for your self. Got to love her style now huh. Oh and you know I wonder if Cherry~Lici¢¾us~*¢¾*~Club~F.A.R.~¢¾~ knows her pic is being used as one of sgb's fake acct pics, see all below. Be sure to look at the names of the referals and the names on the shots of their fans. All the referal shots are taken from SGB's page, you can check the numbers in the tool bar.

How To Make Legend The Thomas Way
Well here we are again, Part 2 if you will of the Sexy Girl Blonde and Thomas fanning club. Thanks to Engla, praising Thomas to me I just had to go and fix this bulletin up tonight based on him and his lovely referals. I hope you all enjoy the show, Oh and dont forget to say a special congrats to Thomas for making legend today, Oh but give it a bit him and sgb may be busy celebrating their accomplishment.

How To Prepare And Cook Great Meat... Lol
The proper way to prepare and cook great meat! 1. First of all one must choose a great piece of meat to start out with. It must be of the proper size, weight and texture, as well as to be plumped with the right combination of fat and muscle... too lean is no good and too much fat is no good either. It helps to pick up and feel the piece of meat and feel the texture of it, really feel it... once you become accustomed at picking out a good piece of meat, you will be able to tell right away if you've got a great piece of meat in your hands just from the feel of it, and you'll be able to tell if it will make the grade when it gets heated up and hot... lol 2. Now once you have decided that you have picked out a great piece of meat to start out with... the next step is very important... it's called the preparation! One should not rush and just throw a great piece of meat into the oven or fire. One should properly prepare it for the cooking, otherwise you may very well ruin what could h

How To Enter - How To Win $20,000 Fubux
ONLY AT THE TIKI BAR... WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!! I will give you $10,000 free fubux - that's enough to buy the good stuff in the big pimpin' gifts at happy hour! Guys? That is where you can buy your honey a fu-ring to pop that special question. Ladies? That's enough to buy your crush a flat-screen tv! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is rate HALF OF MY PICTURES -- OR 1000. Let me know that you are going to do it and I'll save up my fubux for you! GOOD LUCK!!! NOW - if you're REALLY BRAVE.... rate 2000 of my pix and I'll give you $20,000 fubux! Just let me know which one you want to do :-D

How To Properly Discipline Children
Most of America 's populace think it improper to spank children. The other day I was talking to one of my younger buddies about methods used to discipline children. We talked about "time outs", grounding, holding back "rewards" until the child displayed desired behavior etc. One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, he does not spank any of his children. He explained that what he does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. He said that usually this works and that the child calms down fairly quickly and really doesn't take too much time. By removing the child, in this case his son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand

How To Name A Cat........
Some idiot in the mumms - OKAY. I am back. Last time, I asked you guys what to name my small white kitten 8 weeks old, and you all agreed that Amorie would be best. I am happy with her name and she seems to be getting used to it. Well now we have a new dillema. My mum got one of the black and white cats out of the bunch [no pictures yet] but she said she is naming HIM bree. The cat is thin, the stomach and paws are white, as well as under the chin. He is very hyper ALL the time. He chases feet, and pant legs for that matter. BREE is a girls name. Do you think that's an okay name or can you give suggestions? DJ Cooter - you should name him "skanky" after your own pussy

How True This Is
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am While his coffeepot ( MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor ( MADE IN HONG KONG ). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes ( MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN IN DI A ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN IN DI A )he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) filled i t with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB .. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN France !! ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find

How To Make & Store Holy Water Or Sacred Water
How To Make & Store Holy Water or Sacred Water Holy Water Carrier for potions and for special purposes. Keywords: Sacred Water, Holy Water, Programming Water, Healing Water, Carrier Water For Potions, Spell Water, Magic Water. Holy Water has been around since the dawn of time and in homeopathic circles it is well known that just placing a glass of clean water onto a piece of paper with the prescription written on it will replicate the effects of giving the actual tincture most precisely. It stands to reason that one of the most useful prescriptions you can make to any client is a very personalized potion in a nice bottle with instructions as to how often it should be taken. To facilitate this and do it right, here are the instructions: • Use any water source that is both safe in the Hard way as well as attractive to you when you tune into it in all the other ways. I make the safety note because pretty magical brooks these days can be laced with just about anything and

How To Burn Cal Away...
Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth The American Dental Association says that semen cuts plaque better than mouth wash, so suck a dick and save a smile. Having nice sex burns 358 calories. Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories. Take off her clothes with her consent.........................12 cal without......................187 cal Take off her Bra With two hands..........................8 cal With one hand.........................12 cal With mouth.............................85 cal Put on Protection hard .......................... 6 cal soft..........................315 cal Foreplay Looking for target...................8 cal Finding G spot ......................92 cal Entry Holding her..................12 cal On the floor.................8 cal With Different Position Missionary..........................3

How To Kill Yourself Like A Man.
I was applying for a job to become a suicide prevention counselor the other day, when the guy interviewing me started bitching about how boring his job had become. The only people he ever hears from anymore are 14 year old girls who try to overdose on Tylenol. YAWN. How about killing yourself with some style? How about killing yourself like a man? Here are some manly ways to shove off this mortal coil, along with ratings for each category from 1 to 10: Eat a tub full of beans: Manliness: 8 Style: 4 Awesomeness: 8 Mess: 5 What you need: a tub, enough beans to fill said tub. How to do it: just dig in, you chunky son of a bitch! Keep eating until you can't possibly eat anymore, then eat some more. Your gut will rupture and you will shit yourself. The cool thing about this method is that it's not only disgusting to clean up, but you'll probably be so bloated from the beans (choose Van Camp's by the way, not Bush's baked beans unless you like the taste of beans pickled

How To Appreciate Death Metal
While most people associate death metal music with a bunch of guys grunting and slapping detuned guitars randomly, there's a multitude of reasons why this genre maintains a strong following and earns the fierce loyalty of many listeners worldwide. If you're curious about death metal, here's you're chance to learn, appreciate, listen, and enjoy. But Death Metal truly rocks! Learn about the history and characteristics of death metal. I bet that it’s more interesting and complex than you thought. Also, learn about all the stereotypes of death metal music and its fans and why they aren't true at all. They are not all lazy, Satan-worshipping, animal-sacrificing psychos. They are actually normal people with family, friends and complex off-stage personalities. Listen beyond the crunching guitars and harsh singing. Although the rough guitar sound and grating vocals permeate all of death metal, it can take a little getting used to, especially if your ears are accustomed to softer sounds.

How To Make A Bomb.....
being EOD, people on here keep asking me how to make a bomb ...so here you go kids :) Ingredients: 2 Slices of bread: Texas toast is best since it has maximum surface area with minimum nutritional value. 8-12 pieces of bacon: The fattier the better. Mayonnaise: See above. Butter: Not margarine. Not "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter", even if you really can't. Only the real deal will do here. 2 Slices American cheese: Kraft is nice and creamy. But even cheap generic brand "cheese" will work. 2 Eggs, Large: Chicken eggs are standard, but hey, use what you want. Instructions: 1.Put the bacon in a pan and start cooking it (I find medium heat works best). If you want to add some oil, hey, it's your funeral. 2.Place the two slices of bread in a toaster. Turn it on (the toaster, not the bread). 3.In a pan, add a tablespoon of butter and scramble up the eggs. 4.By now the bread should have completed the magical transformation into toast. Take it out of the toaster.

How To Detect A Mental Deficiency
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

How To Poop At Work...yes, I Said Poop!!!
HOW TO POOP AT WORK We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompani

How To Give A Cat A Pill
How To Give A Cat A Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy Pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold Head firmly with one hand while forcing wood

How To Make And Submit A Salute
The following was taken from the Fubar bible thought id blog it here in case anyone needed the info please pass this around if you want:) How do I make a Salute? Take a photo of yourself with the following information clearly displayed in the photo. 1. Your SCREEN NAME, 2. Your Member ID number, (which is located in the end of your URL address; www.fubar.com/user/22) 3. AND, the words: fubar The following items will be accepted as a complimentary addition to your salute: You wearing a fubar t-shirt or you in front of your fubar homepage (not your profile page or any other fubar page) that is CLEARLY visible. * Photoshopped or any “type” print will NOT be accepted. * Grainy and barely legible salutes will NOT be accepted. * Salutes placed in a PRIVATE album will NOT be accepted. How do I submit a Salute? Upload your salute to your main gallery. Click on the “tag a photo in this album as a salute!” link at the top of your gallery page under the

How To Handle A Husband
Body: A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." "We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. My wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor an

How To Stay Young
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches;) 3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER. 6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself. LIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good,

How To Deep Fry A Turkey
Bayou Deep Fried Turkey glitter-graphics.com Oh NO not the Deep Dryer Dish Type: Marinade Marinade 1 (10 to12 Pound) WHOLE TURKEY, non self-basting 4 Ounces liquid garlic 4 Ounces liquid onion 4 Ounces liquid celery 1 Tablespoon ground red pepper (cayenne) 2 Tablespoons salt 2 Tablespoons hot pepper sauce such as Tabasco 1 Tablespoon Old Bay Seasoning OR 1 ounce liquid crab boil Note: You can buy a ready made marinade 1. Remove giblets and neck, rinse the turkey well with cold water and pat dry thoroughly with paper towels. Take care to dry both inside cavities. Cut off the wing tips and plump tail as they may get caught in the fryer basket. 2. Combine remaining marinade ingredients in a small saucepan. Simmer over low heat until salt is dissolved. Allow mixture to cool. Fill poultry/meat injector with cooled solution. 3. Inject turkey in the breast, wings, drumsticks, thighs and back. Place on a rack, cover and chill. Marinate, in the refri

How The Seven Dwarves Got Their Names
Miss Snow White was a randy cow And desperate for a fuck, So off she went into the woods, To try and get some luck. She'd almost given up looking, When she saw some chimney smoke, Then she stumbled on the cottage, And went in for a poke. Her clothes came off in seconds. And she'd just removed her pants, When seven dwarves came marching in, With a merry song and dance. Snow White just stood there speechless, And thought she was in heaven, Originally after one good shag, But now she could have seven. Straight away she took command, 'My fanny needs a lick!' And when one dwarf moved forward, She said 'you'd better drop your pick' So down he went onto all fours, And said 'I ain't licking that', 'Not there, that is my asshole, You DOPEY little brat!' The next dwarf started blushing, 'Do we have to do it here?' Snow White said 'Don't be BASHFUL, We'll go upstairs my dear' So reluctantly he whipped it out, To prove he was no fool. And Snow White gave

How To Treat A Woman ... By My Dear Friend Mirko
The following paragraph was written by my dear friend Mirko 'baldaddy' Bell Well ladies, I have been thinking about this for a while and thought I would ask. What is it about a guy that catches your eye? What makes him attractive to you? What turns you on or off about him? What does a guy have to do to win your heart? Is it the little things he does, the way he looks at you, what he says or does? Please let me know and maybe if some guys look at this they may just get it and actually think before they open their mouths. As for myself, I think that actually listening to what you have to say and not just pretending to hear is a very important quality. A lot of guys will acknowledge you, but are they really listening or just appeasing you? Also respect, as my mom raised me she always instilled that in me and also threatened me if I didn't I'd answer to her....lol. So, please let me and all the other guys out there know what you think. I'm sure it will be an enormous benefit to them.

How To Save On Gas
Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose, CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons. Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps. When you're filling

How To See My Pics
you have to comment all of my fuckbuddies dray pics unless ure already on my fam list then dont worry about it and my gf gallery is off limits dont even ask with that said of the fulfull the requirement u can see my pics

How To Understand Women
How to Understand Women 1. She is always ahead of your lies or games. 2. Never think you are going out smart her. 3. Always surrender to her will. 4. Always hand over you paychecks before she holds her hand out for it or ask for it. 5. Never cheat on her, because she got the whore number already. 6. Never think sweet talk will get her into you bed. 7. Never laugh at her crying to sad a movie, even it’s for the dumb of reason to cry too. 8. Never ask her for more. 9. When that time of month….sleep on the floor and act like sleeping dog. 10. Tapping her fingers or foot….run for the flower store fast. 11. Never forget you first date, firs kiss…oh hell the first time you made love to her, because she will never let you forget you forgot it. 12. Beg forgiveness upon each morning as you rise from bed, even if you never done anything. 13. Always thank for being with you. 14. Never ever let your cell phone be out of her reach. 15. Never demand or ask for sex when she is not i

How To Deal With Telemarketers
- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. - If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." - If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. - Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. - Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a r

How To Clean The House
1. Open a new file in your PC . 2. Name it "Housework." 3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN. 4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN. 5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want To delete Housework permanently?" 6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly...... 7. Feel better? Works for me!

How To Give A Cat A Pill
How to Give a Cat a Pill This may not be new to you...but I love the mental pictures I get when I read it!! How To Give A Cat A Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear pa

How To Shield Yourself
Being able to shield is an important component of any kind of energywork. Shielding keeps your energy in, or as much as you choose to keep in, and keeps stray energy out. For Empaths, this is doubly important. I find I can "program" my shield to let in the energy of certain people or just small amounts of their energy, lol. All I do is tell my shield to let so and so's energy through the shield - and voila! So it is! I am going to assume that anyone reading this has at least some basic idea how to put themselves in a meditative state - quiet their mind! Assuming is probably not a good thing, but meditation techniques will need to be in a separate blog, if I find a need to go in that direction, lol. Now we begin. I quiet my mind. Then I visualize myself standing in the center of a dark forest. I then visualize a ring of white light, almost like flames, surrounding me. (Make sure the flames totally surround you - leave no holes!) Once I have this well visualized, I build a fo

How To Make A Woman Fascinated By You
How To Make A Woman FASCINATED By You NOTE: If you haven't taken a few minutes to check out all of the different programs I've put together to help you learn how to meet and date the kinds of women you've always wanted, then maybe now is a good time. Go here for the goods: http://www.DatingTechniques.com/e/17842/Catalog/?cid=TZZZ3Z&lid=1 I've learned a secret to impressing women that I'm going to share with you in this newsletter. It's a secret that probably not 1 in 1,000 men knows or will ever figure out on his own. The REASON that most men will never figure out this particular secret is that it's TOO OBVIOUS. Let me explain... I personally think that most men feel a very powerful desire to IMPRESS women. If you watch the way a man behaves when he's talking to a woman he's just met or a woman that he's on a first date with, you can SEE IT. Maybe you've been there yourself. I know I have. Many, many times, in fact. The feeli

How To Sweeten Up Your Cum
got this from a web site i dont know who to give credit to, but i feel that everyone should read this How to Sweeten Up Your Cum By Decayed Angel In our writing and reading of erotica we come across a lot of differing descriptions of the flavor of cum, whether it is a man's semen or a woman's vaginal secretions. While some of the descriptions may vary depending upon a person's personal preferences, the sweet, tangy, tart, earthy, etc., etc. flavors used to describe the taste are often limited by the author's ability to truly grasp the words to describe a truly unique flavor. Obviously, the taste of semen and vaginal secretions will vary from person and these tastes can vary from day to day in an individual depending upon a number of factors including what they eat. Since the taste all bodily secretions will vary depending upon what a person eats, certainly a person's cum will vary depending upon what they have eaten. Eating certain foods will generally affect the taste

How To Do A Salute (updated)
*****PLEASE FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS AND YOU WILL BE GOOD TO GO ON A SALUTE***** **PLEASE MAKE YOUR SALUTE RESPECTABLE TO FUBAR OR IT WILL BE REJECTED** What is a FUBAR Salute? A salute is a candid photo of yourself proving to the world that you're the real person behind your FUBAR profile. Your face should be clearly visible, along with a clear HAND WRITTEN note with the following three things: 1. Your SCREEN NAME 2, Your Member ID number 3. NO SHADES or MIDDLE FINGERS allowed 4. NO heavy make up or masks, no body salutes(hands and arms will be accepted if legible and you've completed #5). 5. No unique salutes(hands, arms, CDs etc) until you get a paper salute approved. 6. AND, the words: fubar.com. *Photoshopped or any “type” print set will NOT be accepted. *Grainy and barely legible salutes will NOT be accepted, and you MUST show how the sign is supported(IE show your hand, not just the tips of your fingers). *Salutes placed in a PRIVATE album will NO

How To Become Family Here....
i joined M.F.I. to get my dream body.... I've been busting butt promoting me and the site shamelessly every where. it's a cool site ..... its helped a lot of girls. i keep getting asked to see my private photos ...my private photos are marked family only because many are just being taken so i can earn my breast lift and implants. sole reason they were taken. so no i dont just add people , sorry. to be added here's all you have to do 1)follow my link. or click on banner http://MyFreeImplants.com/index.asp?MOID=31347 2) read my mfi profile , lend a hand. 3) let me know there you are my fubar friend and tell me name here. hope to see you all on M.F.I! lol oh and yes my name is Tina (it's in my profies here Bucks for Bigger Cups

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity! At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Insist that your email address is: Xena_Warrior_Princess@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.' Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophet Jimmy." Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. Don't use

How The Eagle First Came To People/ Mohawk Legend
In the time of the beginning, it was the way of my people, to rejoice in the birth of a child. The Old Ones, the Elders said that a child was the most precious gift given to the people by the Creator. So, in this time, was born a male child. As was the way of the people, this child was given no name until he had been in the physical world for three moons. When three moons had passed, his family held a Naming Feast, to share and celebrate this gift. The Old One's who's responsibility it was to find the Spirit Name for each new soul, was given tobacco. He would fast and pray and search the Spirit World until the name was found. On the fourth day, his name was announced to all who were present. The Old One held the child high, close to Father Sky. Then he touched the child's body to Mother Earth. Next he faced the child to all Four Sacred Directions: the East, the direction of springtime and childhood. Then the South, home to summer and adolescence. Thirdly he faced him to the We

How To Pee Politely
HOW TO PEE POLITELY During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite." What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny replied, "I would say - Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I’m going to introduce you to after dinner." (The teacher fainted......)

How To Install Love........
A call comes through on the customer service line. Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today? Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can you guide me through the process? CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first? CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am? Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running? CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am? Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now. CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE w

How To Masturbate For Women
How do women masturbate? Most women orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris. Many others can only orgasm from vaginal penetration or G-Spot stimulation. Remember, there is no wrong or right way to masturbate, everyone is different and we all respond differently. First, Relax as much as you can. Ensure your privacy; lock your door, turn off the phone, make sure you are alone. Find a comfortable position. Most women start out lying on their backs, legs bent and spread apart, with feet on the bed or floor. Remove some or all of your clothing; whatever feels right for you. 2. Explore your body. Run your hands along all parts of your body, lingering along areas that are more responsive to touch than others. Many women have very sensitive nipples and can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Look at your genitals in a mirror if that is “your thing” -- if you feel shy about that -- that’s okay too. Caress the different parts to see what feels extra good to you. You'll know it when you

How To Go With The Seasonal Flow
Winter The stark grandeur of winter where the trees are bare and the weather's cold. It looks as though nothing is happening but there is a lot going on beneath the surface in wait for the warmth of spring. There's not much food around so the animals are in hibernation conserving energy. Even the trees appear to be asleep. Winter corresponds with the direction of North. A cold direction, not great for growing things but good for peace and quiet. Winter is a time for rest and recuperation, preparation for the spring and although it's not practical, even us humans want to hibernate. Use this time for restoration; reconnect and reflect on the year so far and think about how you can be ready for the year ahead. Practical tips Meditate and sort out your "roots" by grounding yourself. They say the quality of your fruit depends on the quality of your roots. Eat wholesome and warming foods like soup and stews made from winter vegetables and inc

How To Tell How A Man Makes Love...
You can tell how a man makes love... A man and a woman were about to go into his house after the first date, and before he could open his door, the woman said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." The man says, "Well, give me some examples." The woman proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me." "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either." Then the woman said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?" The man proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

How The Grinch Smoked Christmas
Now the Who’s down in Whoville had really good pot But the Grinch who lived just north of Whoville did not. He’d scraped out the resin that stuck to his bowl And re-rolled all the roaches that he could re-roll. And there with the winter snow freezing his bones He sat on his mountain-top starting to Jones His eyes were all bleary his head it was sore And all he could think of was trying to score. I can see them all now with their heads all a spinnin’ Their eyes are half open; they’re stupidly grinnin’. They’ve drawn their Who draperies across their Who blinds they’ve stoked up their Who bongs they’re out of their minds. They’ve burned out their brain cells with fat sticks of Tai; And Panama Red; it brings tears to my eyes. There’s gooey black hash that they’ve burned under glass And skunky Hawaiian; man this just burns my ass. They’ve munched out on nachos, on pretzels, on chips; they’ve dipped them in mustard. . .they’ve dipped them in dips. They’ve zoned ou

How To Change The Oil In Your Car...
Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out

How To Send
Ok for those of you who DON'T know about or how to use the new FUPAL feature here is a simplified tutorial. Step 1: visit users profile Step 2: scroll down the page until you see the little FUPAL button located under said user's default picture Step 3: Click on little FUPAL button (it is green) Step 4: Enter desired amount to transfer to said user ((( NOTE there is a 20% transfer fee for each transaction ))) Step 5: Send a lil message along with your transaction so the said user knows you care! Step 6: YOUR ALL DONE NOW YAY!!! DON'T FORGET THE RATE THIS BLOG! THANKS SO MUCH!

How To Be A Pimp
provided by: www.hostdrjack.com How To Be A PIMP/PIMPTRESS A Pimp/Pimptress... *keeps his/her emotions to himself/herself *is his/her own best company *doesn't get paid for screwing.He/She gets paid for always having the right thing to say to his females/her men. *with sense never lets a female/male go who still has some trick in him/her. *is really a bitch/dick who has reversed the game. *should be prince charming/angelic to females/males.They should think you're GOD!! *should always have one thought in his/her head, Pimp or Die! *should control the whole female/male,be the boss of his/her life,ever his/her thoughts. *should always be determined in any and everything. *should always recognize and respect other pimps/pimpettes. *should never accept anything but his/her money. *must be serious!!! *has to be married, married to the pimp/pimptress game. *could cut his dick off, and still pimp his ass off!!(Well a pimptress doesn't have

How To Be A Pimp (part 2)
provided by: www.hostdrjack.com How To Be A Pimp Part 2 A Woman..... *A pimp with a fine female has to keep his game tight. *Females always try to find a weakness in a pimp. *A female will always leave you if she has money. Keep them broke. *A pretty black female and a white female are alike.They will try to destroy your stable and leave you broke. *The way you start with a female is the way you end with her. Pimp hard from the start. *If you chase a female you get a weak one,if you stalk her you get a strong one. *Don't give a trife broke female a second chance. *Taking their money is an excellent way to keep women. *Have your women give you your every time you see them. *Always keep your women on mental file. *There is nothing more important than what makes a new female tick and why. Make her tell you her life story. *Tell your women they can go down on a price,never up. *Tell her to recruit for you. *The tougher you are, the more

How To Stay Young.......
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." 4. Enjoy the simple things. Look around you: they are everywhere. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Go to the malls, have an ice-cream cone, a cup

How To Be A Pimp Part 3
provided by: www.hostdrjack.com How To Be A Pimp Part 3 Remember.... *There isn't a female you cant do w/out. *Pimping isn't a game o/ love. Your women should fear you. *Just like drugs,dont get high off your own supply and what you supply is women. *If you keep your money right, Mr. Justice will smile on you. *The world is nothing but a bitch,and you are her pimp. *Earn your pimping degree in whoreology. *You are not a gentlemen, you are a pimp. *You only get great by pimping by the rules. *Pimps are like cars. The best known may not be the real yardstick to the best one. *You dont have to pimp, you've got to pimp. *It's a violation of the pimp laws to quit a female who is bringing you money. *Money over women. *The pimp game is not for kids. *Never confide in your women, keep your thoughts seceret. *Never count your money until it is in your hand. *Pimping isn't a sex game, It's a mind game. *Just like a company, downsize and

How To Be A Pimp Part 4
provided by: www.hostdrjack.com How To Be A PIMP Part 4 ALWAYS..... *Find ways to keep your women without kissing there ass. *Seek knowledge about the pimp game. *Be positive in everything you do,especially the pimp game. *Take care of the little things,and if the female is qualified make her take care of the big things. *Keep your mind on your money. *Live by the rules you set on your women. *Keep the pimp/bitch relationship well defined. *Be a puzzle to your women, that's a way you keep them. *Reemeber what you are, a pimp!!! *Remember, the only heaven for a pimp is the one filled with women and money. *Remember a pimp's wardrobe has to be neat and clean, his ride must be eye catching. A Playa only plays for so long, then he's played out. A Hustler only hustles for so long, then he's hustled out. A Whore only whores for son long, before shes whored out. A PIMP only pimps for so long and thats for life!!! From all the PIMPS I've known

How To Keep A Woman Happy
(FOR NEW READERS - THIS BLOG IS A JOKE.) 1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that. 2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or--if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.) 3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up. 4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care. 5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement. 6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then--when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelr

How To Stay Young!
We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are! HOW TO STAY YOUNG! 1. Try everything twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice ... loved it both times! 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches) 3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER. 6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatev