Fubar Blog Posts 2

Blog Number 2
I went on a 'date' last night, It was my friend and I.. the guy who looked like Jay-z's lil brother with droopy eyes.. haha, i couldnt help myself but make jokes about him being black- I guess I do that alot when I am nervous, I just chat about, the color black, and sometimes even make jokes about it. Well, we ended up fucking, so I guess you can call it a bootycall and not really a date, haha. He sucked in bed. and I was sad, about that. I was like, You can choke me and pull my hair, do you think I got any of that? Nope. So, friend drove us back home. UGH! I need a Boyfriend.

Blog Introduction.
Introduction: [to my LRYICS Blog] The lyrics I post in this entire blog: "LYRICS that have meaning to me" all mean something to me deep inside. They touch my heart, they touch my soul and if you seriously want to know more about everything Ms Kriss stands for, keep reading. Welcome to what I call the 'windows to my soul'...enjoy or dont, I dont care, this is here to make ME feel better, not you. A place for me to vent my feelings and for me to express my deepest emotions through song. I personally believe that songs and music and lyrics are the window to ones soul. Music is my life and I listen to music in ways most people dont. I listen with my heart, my soul and my mind. I hope you can too while checking out this blog. thank you for taking the time to check it out. all comments welcome, constructive critisism welcme but not rudeness.

Blog Whore
cause sharing is caring and what not i really kinda hate the people who use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for their behavior i hate all the lame little stories you hear about how some $2 hooker was sucking cock to support her crack habit no people she wasn't! she was sucking dick in an allyway because she was a worthless fucking whore... the crack just gave her an excuse to be who she WAS... and the low self-esteemed alcoholic strippers... (omg your fatherinlaw/uncle/dad stuck his cock in you at a young age) while this is indeed a horrible turn of events all you'll get out of me is a hey tough luck bitch you're not the only one who has had a hard life... you take the hand your dealt... and judging from your looks you threw away pocket jacks for 2's you could've made something of yourself.... you know all that jazz.... school this and that made a life for yourself but please do go on and drink yourself stupid and let some guy you don't know plow you and go crying into a

Blog #1
Well I just joined this site tonight and while I'm still learning my way around and all that fun shit- I'm thinking I found the right site for me. I know I don't have a salute photo right now. I will have one. I just don't have a way of getting on up loaded at the time. But give me time it'll come.

The Blog Where I Talk About All Nerdy Things.things I Really Care About..science( The History Of Our Creation/creator),history,gaming,politics,cooking
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/physics/imagining-other-dimensions.html For most of us, or perhaps all of us, it's impossible to imagine a world consisting of more than three spatial dimensions. Are we correct when we intuit that such a world couldn't exist? Or is it that our brains are simply incapable of imagining additional dimensions—dimensions that may turn out to be as real as other things we can't detect? String theorists are betting that extra dimensions do indeed exist; in fact, the equations that describe superstring theory require a universe with no fewer than 10 dimensions. But even physicists who spend all day thinking about extra spatial dimensions have a hard time describing what they might look like or how we apparently feeble-minded humans might approach an understanding of them. That's always been the case, and perhaps always will be.

Blog Blog Blog
I just wanted to blog to test this out, I never did a blog before. I think I might start though. Does anyone ever read these? If they do let me know. If enough people do then maybe I will start. Who knows I might actually have something to say that is interesting. If nothing else I am a pretty good speller, which is a relief compared to some of the people I have come across on here who are on the shy side of literate. I am guessing those folks probably don't come here to the blog section anyway. Okay that is enough about nothing. Thanks for your time. Me

Blogging For Blogs Sake
I havent blogged in a while so it was my hope that if I sat here and started typing something then information would pour out. I dont think its going to happen. Work is work. I could complain about my boss, but even I dont want to hear it. I'm on a dating sabbatical for a bit. Still have a a month of EMT class left, then June is studying and taking the practicals and written exam. The working out is going well, I think I am more than ready for the marathon. Planning a road trip in two weeks, I say planning but I already have everything booked. May meet a few fu's if the scheduling permits. When you have so much happen in a year, when just regular is all that is going on it seems like life is moving at slow motion.

Blog From Twiguy28teamcullen- A Conversation I Had With An Agnostic Woman About Christianity(please Read The Entire Thing Before Coming To Any Conclus
Agnostics are much easier to talk to about this because, unlike atheists who don't believe in God at all, agnostics just don't believe the existance of God can be proven or disproven. I would like to stress that the question behind this conversation was NOT whether God existed or not. In fact, that is besides the point. The point of this discussion was that "if" God did exist and you had to live by a certain set of morals and values and did not accept the gift offered to you that would save you from the consequences that go with breaking those morals and guidelines(which, in the case, that gift was Jesus Christ being beaten and crucified on a cross for your sin), would you deserve those consequences? And in Christianity, the ultimate consequence is Hell. But, the ultimate reward is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Now,here we go. Me-"Do you think you're a good person?" Her-"Sure, I consider myself a good person." Me-" Well, may I ask you a few questions to see if that's true?

Blog 1
I Been threw alot of crap in my life and getting my body and soul half way taken by a impish demon last year cursed my life.. I got a demonic power from it bc my soul has already been tainted by the pain I went threw with so many ex gfs who just wanted me to die. I also use to be 1 of thoughs people who went to church every sunday i stoped doing that when i was a kid the singing hurted my ears living with this pain this torrment of pain and dispare could be worse thank ghosts it's not.

Blog 2
When other guys look at my profile i just see serveral dead guys walking i always do. When i see other guys around me wantin some trouble i dont wimp out i break some bones in self defense. So much shit i put up with when other guys wantin to rip me a new 1 well i dont play like that actions are better then words.

Blog In Review 1
Given the technology and the writing of video games nowadays, maybe I should try pitching A Pius Man as one. Okay, maybe not. In music that day, there was the heavy electric guitar of Dragonforce, with the game soundtrack for Halo, followed by.... Mozart?Yes, Mozart.Did I mention that my music posts were going to be a little schizophrenic? No? Sorry about that. Tuesday's primary blog was a list of my cast, and who should probably play them if the book was ever a) published and b) ever made into a movie. I was especially interested the more I examined the prospect of Summer Glau as Maureen McGrail. Dang, that woman can move. Why she hasn't been allowed to really dance since Serenity is beyond me.That music blog was an introduction to the world of filk with Tom Smith, some more Halo, a bit more Dragonforce, and a heavily violin piece in Cruxshadow's Dragonfly

Blog In Review: January 2012.
Well, this has been a fun little month. I'm 28 days to contacting a publisher, I've gotten in a lot of editing and video games, and I've got a few things up my sleeve, hopefully, for the next few weeks... .which you can read about here: Coming soon to A Pius Man, 2012 Month in Review, December, 2011 -- it's a little stupid to have one month in review in another, but when I decided to have the month in reviews for self defense and my catholic columns, as well as my blog, I didn't take into consideration that the review of one month would appear in another. Oh well. It was chock full of apologetics, Catholic stuff, Christmas, an article on communion, a look at Fulton Sheen, and Kim Jong Il tried to declare war on Christmas. Christmas won.Self defense month in review: January 2012. Catholic month in review: January 2012 -- damn, this was a busy month Author Review: David Weber. One of the better space opera authors I've ever seen.25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing A little writer

Blog In Review, March / April 2012
First, February knocked me out. The whole month sucked, and you can probably guess why.Then in March, I started getting pulled down -- first with bouts of depression, then I was busy with video games, girlfriends, and a new job. And since then, let's face it, I haven't been that great at keeping to schedule. So, sorry about that.I started March with a character generation chart, for those people who want an easy way to create characters. WARNING: characters make develop minds of their own in short order. To follow up on that, there is a more advanced version with the psychology of characters, with real psychology, if you don't consider that an oxymoron. In April, I had an interview with Karina Fabian about her new book Live and Let Fly, which I also reviewed.And, I made a quick study of Writer's Block. And, to go along with it, I explained my current situation in&

Blog???
First time ever on this blog thing. Not sure what to do so I will say everyone have a good day. I will get the hang of this soon. Working on Thanksgiving but that is ok cuz i have the next day off and that is Black Friday so very very happy for that.

Blog Introduction.
Hey! Thanks for checking out my blog. My name is Sam and I have been a Fubar bouncer since April of 2013. The purpose of this blog is to help members with some of the common and not so common questions that they may have on Fubar. Please remember that you have many resources at hand that you can use to answer your questions including the following: Fubar Bible : Answers almost all of the questions that a member may come up with. Fubar Terms of Service (TOS) : Terms of Service The legal stuff that you agree to by creating your Fubar account. Fubar Support Lounge : Here is where you can interact with Fubar Bouncers and trainees to get answers to your questions. fuMafia Forum : Here is where you get answers and support regarding Mafia issues and questions Volunteer Coder List : This is where you can get help from coders doing skins, setting up lounges, and profile coding. This is just a short list of resources that you have at your fingertips. Remember that your friends are a

Blogging
I remember when (isn't this how all bs sad tales start?) blogs used to be cool. The mumms had gotten shitty for the first time (was it really the first time) and blogs were where the kool kids were... Now no one really goes to blogs and certainly there is no blog stalking going on, except for witchie's on occasion or probably Jen's, but since I am not here friend I don’t go to them. Anyway that is my thought for now. I do not plan to do anything about them sucking, just decided to point it out. Carry on.

Blog Beast
BLOG BEAST As if Empower Network wasn't BADASS enough already, right? The Blog Beast is soon approaching. You have until October 11th to get in prior to launch. You can do that by clicking virtually anywhere on this page or filling out the form on the side over there. Let me tell you something...even before Blog Beast decided to surface, I came back to Empower Network. Why? So many reasons, But I'll narrow it down to a few. First off, I LOVE the whole BADASS thing because I'm kind of cocky and being a badass means being yourself really. Having confidence. Empower Network encourages that. Blog Beast Badasses are SEXY! In my mind, the whole Blog Beast thing is sexy. One big SEXY ASS Blog Beast ya know? Empower Network has now established itself as one of the premier network marketing and direct sales companies online, despite crumbling in the beginning. They held on, people made a lot of money...and with ENv2, a LOT more people are going to make A LOT OF MONEY. Myself

Blog Of The Day.
Hello everyone I hope you’re doing really good I know I am ^_^ This little blog is just to update on everything, or at least everything I can think of lol A little note before I start… My life is all over the place at the moment and I am sorry if I don’t message you every day or take a call from you…I try my best to be there for everyone but one cannot always be around and available and if this annoys you then deleting me after you say goodbye would be best. I wish I could be there for everyone but I am only one guy and even I have problems and a life to deal with. Well now let’s get started shall we, I have a rustled jimmie's to share… I am starting to really hate weak willed people, take this for instance. “I just cannot take how you are” what the flying monkey balls, well then tell me you cannot handle me don’t just vanish like I don’t exist at all. So by that I meant people that just delete without so much as a work

Blog Of The Day.
Hi everyone. I was going to do a little writing today but figured I would write a little blog instead because I feel the need for venting. As I am sure plenty know I have a problem I fight every day, a normal one that a lot of people have and that is Depression. I like to think that I do a good job of keeping it away from people so they do not have to deal with my problem’s but sometimes I need to vent… to rage… I actually remember a time when my rants where almost comical and though I do try they just don’t hold that same lustre and comedy they used to *I wonder who’s fault that is Wolfie* Oh shut up you… no one asked for you input… So anyway I am going to try and get some of my pages written out from my head so I can post them… been having so many awesome ideas my book is full of crap *HA that not ideas those ARE your stories* Ah for the love of darkness don’t start with me will you! Sorry he is being a pain in my he

Blogish
So, a friend of mine was recently dumb enough to suggest I start writing a column for his website. I won't post it here but I'll include the link for anyone interested. It's just me being my usual little ray of sunshine! http://thetaylornetworkofpodcasts.com/2013/12/04/sister-throat-punch-death-watch-holiday/

A Bloke Goes Into A Pub
A bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. 'I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits' he says. 'You dirty git' shouts the barmaid 'get out before I get my husband.' The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. 'I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off' he says. 'You dirty filthy pervert. You're banned. Get out!!' she storms. Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again. 'One more chance' says the barmaid. 'Now - what do you want?' 'I want to turn you upside down, open your flaps and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup' The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly. 'What's up love?' he asks 'There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head b

Blondes
Dumb Blondes A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it.... Cop: "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?" Blonde: "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!" Blonde: "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on." At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts. Cop: "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful." Blonde: "Oh... We just got off of highway 119". ----- There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "

Blonde Joke Told By Blind Guy At A Lesbian Bar
Blonde joke told by blind man A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think its fair - given that you are blind, that you know five things: #1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. #2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. #3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. #4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. #5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

Blonde Paint Job
Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Blonde
Blonde A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in State of Tennessee. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when Debbie (a blonde woman) in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and Debbie yells," You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!

Blonde Jokes
What's the capital? A blonde secretary got tired of all the "dumb blonde" jokes and decided to do something about it. She spent hours and hours studying for the next time someone came in with a dumb blonde joke. A few days later, a co-worker came in with a dumb blonde joke. She stopped him and informed him that not all blondes were dumb. She bragged that she knew the capitals of all 50 states and insisted that he test her knowledge. He agreed and asked her the capital of Wisconsin. After several seconds of thought, she proudly proclaimed - "W". Blonde Da A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her. When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him t

Blonde Joke 1
Blonde Kidnapper A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Blonde Cookbook Diary
MONDAY: > > It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said > beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some > extra bowls. > > > TUESDAY: > > Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. > So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for > supper. > > > WEDNESDAY: > > A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the > rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it > improved the rice any. > > > THURSDAY: > > Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare > ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me > why I was rolling around in the garden. > > > FRIDAY: > > I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl > and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I > got back, everything

Blonde
Blonde Joke A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY LOS ANGELES TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO- PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITI

Blonde Joke
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, 'Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!' The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. 'C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead. 'Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!' says the Redhead. 'No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!' 'OK' says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell 'Jump! You have to jump!' 'No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!' yelled the Blonde. 'No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!' 'Look,' the Blonde says, 'nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're

Blonde Detectives
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “ So y’all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said. “ To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.” So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after two seconds. “Now," he said, “Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?” The blonde immediately said, “ YES, I did. He has only one eye!” The detective shook his head and said, “ OF course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!” The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two sec

Blonde In Flight
A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it, and gave her the basics and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. "I can't remember anything

Blonde Joke 1
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." "Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

Blonde Joke
>A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. > He puts the alligator up on the bar. > He turns to the astonished patrons. > > "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my > manhood inside. > Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. > > "Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. > In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a > drink." > > The crowd murmured their approval. > The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his > Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator > closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. > > After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the > alligator hard on the top of its head. > > The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed > as promised. > > The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. > > The man stood up again and made another offer.

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects
10 Blonde Science Fair Projects Are poisonous snakes really venomous? Is lighter fluid flammable? What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff? Are knives sharp? Can sharks hurt a human? What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium? Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall? Can I eat broken glass and live? Can dogs talk? Are blondes really dumb?

Blonde Men
The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... " And here I am. See, Blonde Men do exist.

Blonde Joke
A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop... And she said.... (This is good...) (Ready?) (Remember, she's a blonde...) "Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied MySpace Comments Graphics

Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Blondes In Heaven
Blondes In Heaven Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?", the first one asks."Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"

Blonde Joke
FINALLY A MALE BLONDE JOKE - A BLONDE GUY GETS HOME EARLY FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE NOISES COMING FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKED ON THE BED,SWEATING AND PANTING. "WHAT'S UP?" HE SAYS. "I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK," CRIES THE WOMAN. HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS HE'S DIALING, HIS 4-YEAR-OLD SON COMES UP AND SAYS "DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE TED'S HIDING IN YOUR CLOSET AND HE'S GOT NO CLOTHES ON!" THE GUY SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN AND STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE BEDROOM, PAST HIS SCREAMING WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH, THERE IS HIS BROTHER, TOTALLY NAKED, COWERING ON THE CLOSET FLOOR. "YOU ROTTEN S.O.B.," SAYS THE HUSBAND, "MY WIFE'S HAVING HEART ATTACK AND YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND NAKED SCARING THE KIDS

Blonde Milk Bath
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath. " The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes.

Blond
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The jerk called again.

The Blonde's Year In Review
A Blonde's Year in Review January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... Helllloooo!!!... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March Got really excited - finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...Box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid... wrong instructions...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C"... isn't it??? October Hate M &M's... they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey

Blond Needs Help With Puzzle.
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

The Blonde Gambler
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Tennessee arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on baby, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed, "Yes!, Yes! I won! I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching." The Story's Moral Lesson Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But men will always be men.

Blonde Sends Letter For A Job Posting..
How to git a jog..oops J-O-B.....in tough economic times: Deer Sir, I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting. I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited. I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr. Sinseerly, Peggy May Starlings PS : Becauze my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb. (and of course, the employer...after seeing the pic, hired her regardless of her spelling and educational background, lol)

Blonde - Driving
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener." Q: What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen? A: FarFromThinking Submitted by: Michael Sharp Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an "F" in sex. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past anot

Blonde - Sex/pregnancy
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?" "He was on top ", she replied. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "What's the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?"..... Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck. Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store? A

Blonde - No Brains...
Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash? A: She got cold and turned off the fan. Q: Why did the blonde have square tits? A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight? Submitted by: Anthony Sandoval Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement? A: An IN-body experience! Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: How do you get a blon

Blonde - Spelling
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell BWM. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A1: Because they can spell it. Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Blonde - Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly Artery -- study of paintings Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarian section -- district in Rome Cat scan -- searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- sheep dog Coma -- a punctuation mark Congenital -- friendly D&C -- where Washington is Diarrhea -- journal of daily events Dilate -- to live long Enema -- not a friend Fester -- quicker Fibula -- a small lie Genital -- non-Jewish G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game Grippe -- suitcase Hangnail -- coat hook Impotent -- distinguished, well known Intense pain -- torture in a teepee Labour pain -- got hurt at work Medical staff -- doctor's cane Morbid -- higher offer Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate Node -- was aware of Outpatient -- person who had fainted Pap smear -- fatherhood test Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis Post operative -- letter carrier Prot

Blonde - Work
Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work? A: In case she had to draw blood! There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!" Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Blonde - Airheads
Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails? A: To hide the valve stem! Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air. Imitation of a blonde refuelling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears) Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? A: Air Pockets

Blonde Executed
Blonde Executed Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Blonde Joke
A blonde was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. She looked up again and said, "Never mind…. I found one."

A Blonde Joke
A Young Blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices. "I'll just catch my own alligator," she told one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of shoes for free." She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp. Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in. She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up. "Oh, no!" the blonde shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Blondies Thoughts
Now. This is no way is intended to offend B.J. Marketman, Scrapper, or any of the cool guys on this site. This is just my opinion. I am not being a whiner baby. One problem I have with this site is with some of the people on here. Not ALL of the people, but some. Some of the things that T me off. Are fake adds. Yah I have a bunch of adds where the people just didn't come back, THATS not my fault. But people who just create names so that they can get points to level. THAT happens alot. Those people who want to be in the top ten so they make accounts and give the top people 1's or retract their 10s and give them 1s. Please. Come on now, its a bloody site. Give it a rest. People who leave rude comments, again.. BLOODY SITE. No reason to be rude like that? All the porn people. I have no problem with the verified celebrities. I have no problem with porn. But the top referrals and top pix everyday now are either porn people, or fake people. (not always, but ALOT of the time) Wha

Blonde Robbery
The Champaign Ill. Police Department, famous for its superior K9 unit, was somewhat taken back by this recent incident. Returning home from work,a blond was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps put her face in her hands and moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the the police for help, and what do they do?? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

Blond Joke
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all > these > > > | blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, > she > > > decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. > > > | > > > | While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going > to > > > | paint a couple of rooms in the house. > > > | > > > | The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets > > > > down > > > | to the task at hand. > > > | > > > | Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive > > > smell of > > > paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on > the > > > floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy > > > > parka > > > and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her > > > > if she > > > is OK. > > > She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that > she > > > wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are d

3 Blondes
Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!" The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The det

A Blonde's Year In Review
A Blonde's Year in Review January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!....bottles won't fit in printer !!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours .. ... power went out!! ! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing .....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... instructions said 1 h

A Blonde Buys Christmas Stamps
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 Baptists"

Blonde Year In Review
A BLONDE'S YEAR IN REVIEW January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Jelly.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open...... September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 De

Blonde Joke
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-

Blonde Joke
Blondes try unlocking a door Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue: Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

Blonde Taking A Test
Blonde taking her test A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening. "I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

Blonde Kidnapping
Blonde kidnaps for cash A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Blonde And The Mailbox
Blonde checking her mailbox A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again. She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box." The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

Blonde And The Horse (omfglmao)
Blonde learning horse ridding A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs o

Blonde Bombs
1. Two Blondes With Hammers... Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" ********************** 2. Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter." ********************* 3. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suic

A Blonde's Year In Review"
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloo oo!!!.... .bottles won't fit in the printer !!! March - Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.... .wrong instructions. ...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing...... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. ....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn' t it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . instructions said 1 hour per

Blonde Lotery
A blonde went to buy a lottery ticket, and sure enough, she won! She goes to lottery headquarters to claim it and the man verifies her ticket number. The blonde says, "Great! I want my $20 million now please." The man replied, "No, sorry lady. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that she would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious with the man, finally screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

Blonde Job Interview
Job Interview Three blondes were applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde ( Roxie ) and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!" The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hun

Blond Degrees
Blond Degrees FIRST DEGREE A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse

Blonde
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he sto

A Blonde's Year In Review
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours .... p! ower wen t out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition....., the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December

Blonde Cashier
So there's this blonde checkout girl, and one of the items in the customer's basket just won't scan. The supervisor comes over and says "We'll enter it manually: you read out the bar code & I'll type it in". So the checkout girl goes "Oookaayy.. Thick-line, Thick-line, Thin-line, Thick-line..."

Blonde Deoderant
A blonde walks into a Pharmacy and asks a clerk for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist overhears and is a little bemused. He explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." We just have underarm deodorants. "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it." About an hour later, she returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the package, "To apply, push up bottom."

Blonde Man
A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV," began the man. "She put the hot iron near the telephone, and when the phone rang, I answered the iron." The doctor nodded. "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the blond man, "when the same guy called back again."

Blonde Bank Robbers
Two blondes were planning to rob a bank. The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second. They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank. The first blonde says to the second blonde, "Are you SURE you understand the plan?" "Yes!" replied the second blonde. So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank. Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned. The first blonde gets very nervous. Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down. "No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!"

The Blonde Police Officer
Blonde Police Officer A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?' Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

A Blonde
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Wyoming rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while the artificial-insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one....right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me ,little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?" "That's simple; by the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?" She turns to walk away and, with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to han

Blondie Strikes Again
Hi hi all...heh... All is ok for now...(crossing my fingers) thanks for all the messages..we haven't fixed anything yet..but you know...the ache DOES go away... ANYWAY...the house I'm trying to get is NOT YET OUT OF REACH...it shouldn't be outta reach any damned way...freaking ass hole...but...I have managed to ummm...get my hands on a sustantial down payment that may raise his eyebrows a bit...and make the fucker give in. It's a beautiful home...just right for me and the girls..and OLD...barely touched inside(as in remodeled) and I LOVE IT. Quiet hood...GREAT schools and an elderly man next door that has offered I don't know how many times to help me when I needed it(should I run?)...nah..him and his wife are darlins'...the house comes with 2 acres...not to mention....law enforcement living in the area...IT'S GREAT AND I FUCKIN WANT THE HOUSE!!!!..whew....My mom has a house in the area that is worth 100.000$+(along wiff several other homes) but MINE is cheaper..heh heh..and looks

Blonde Joke
A blonde was driving down the street when she heard the radio, saying how stupid blondes where. After hearing all she could, she furioulsy turned off the radio. While driving down the rode she saw a blonde rowing a boat in a corn feild. So apon seeing that she stopped the car and yelled it's from blondes like you that we get the bad reputations. If i could swim i would come out there and drown your ass.

Blondes In A Theatre
Two blones walk into a ark theatre to watch a movie they sit down and a guy coms and sits beside one of them. After a while she leans over toher friend and says, "The guy next to me is jerking off!" the otherblonde says, "Oh just ignore him!" thefirst blonde says, "I can't he is useing my hand."

Blonde Year In Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.. &" duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited...! Finished jigsaw puzzle in 51 days... & that box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out !! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid ...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!! June - Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - -Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!! August - Got locked out of my car in a rain storm..car got swamped insurance says cause I had the top down. September - The capital of California is "C".. isn't it ??? October - I hate M&M's!!..Mine are all W&W's and they make them so hard to peel. November - Baked my turkey for 4 & half days. The instructions said 1 hour per pound of weight & I weigh 10

Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM." Signed, "The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Blonde With Gree Eyes
I was a 23 year old blonde with green eyes, slender waist, and firm natural C-D breasts with large nipples. I am a very sexual woman, and love men, women, and my toys too. I was also very bored tonight. Everything on TV was reruns. None of my friends were around to go out with. And to top it all off, I was horny as hell. I sat down on the couch, popped in an X rated video and sat back dreamily watching the action on the screen as I let my fingers roam over my body. I ran one hand up under my T shirt to cup my breast, and slid the other hand up my thigh to caress my aching mound. my fingers stroked around in circles, and then pushed my panties aside so I could stroke my clit with my fingertip. I could already feel the moisture building up, and dipped a finger between my lips and rubbed the slickness over my clit. Suddenly I sat up. "Damn it! This just isn't going to do. I want to go out and have fun. I don't care if my friends are all busy. I'm going out!

The Blonde And The Trucker
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather,and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you're losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you're losing some of your load! " When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light

Blonde Joke
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A Blonde Joke
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. 'Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" asks the Officer... I hope you're ready for this one? ~ ~ ~ ~ "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. "

The Blonde Bank Robbers
Two blondes were planning to rob a bank. The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second. They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank. The first blonde says to the second blonde, "Are you SURE you understand the plan?" "Yes!" replied the second blonde. So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank. Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned. The first blonde gets very nervous. Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down. "No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!"

Blonde Caller
JACK'S TELEPHONE NUMBER... Blonde Caller: "I need to talk with Jack. Can you give me his telephone number?" Operator: "I'm sorry, who are you talking about." Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. "So what's his number?"

Blonde Texan
Blonde Texan Amy, a blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows and fields; the rancher says to Amy: "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him: "This is the one..... Right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?" "That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?" She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence,

Blondes And Oil Changes
1996, Texas) 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil. lmfao thats a blond for ya

A Blonde's Year In Review.
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-aid.... wrong instructions ....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition .....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December - Couldn't call 911

Blonde Convention;-)
... 80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave

Blonde Joke
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are in a bar when the bartender tells them about a magic mirror in the ladies’ room. “Apparently,” he says, “the mirror gives rewards if you stare into it and say something true. But if you lie, you’re sucked into the mirror and never heard from again.” So the redhead heads to the bathroom, looks into the mirror, and says, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in this bar.” A million dollars suddenly appears before her. Then the brunette heads into the bathroom, looks into the mirror, and says, “I think I’m the smartest woman in this bar.” The key to a new Ferrari materializes in her fingers. Then the blonde goes in, looks into the mirror, and begins, “I think…” And she’s sucked in and never heard from again.

The Blonde And The Heart Attack
The Blonde &The Heart Attack A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!"

Blonde In The Snow
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem With the blizzard conditions. After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following h

Blonde In The Snow
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car a while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said tha

Blonde Girl
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived .....and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...and squealed..."YES! ES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching." Moral – Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men.....are men

The Blonde And The Heart Attack
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!"

Blonde Kidnapper
Blonde Kidnapper A blonde woman was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree, and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7am . Signed, The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. 0The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Blonde Ambition Ty For Your Entry
BLONDE AMBITION made an awesome one of me. You don't have to be this much .. a simple pic of me or you holding a sign with my name on it works.. ty again to all that have submitted... I NEEEEED MOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRREEE

Blonde Vs Redhead Contest
I'm sure everyone has heard the following: Blondes have more fun Red Heads have more fun. Lets see who is more popular or who has the most fun. Lets have some fun with this one. These 2 hotties are going toe to toe in Blonde vs Redhead The True Cherry Rose Icebaby

Blondes
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears. She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?" "The son of a b.... called back!"

Blonde Jokes And No The Irony Isn't Lost On Me
Blonde Jokes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them. Q:

Blondes Do It Better
Well.... I'm excited Tomorrow I'll be much blonder than today James says I look like a mango So no pictures until I'm home from the salon But yeah It'll be fun being blonde Lots of different colors of hights to play with Weeeeee Wee Go love on my pictures.... They may start disappearing if the love does LoVeLovELoVe -Mandi

Blondes N Bimbos
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them: Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait Bimbag - a blonde's purse Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her Bimboette - a young blonde Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to an

Blonde Joke
Three girls, one brunette, one redhead, and one blonde, all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blo

Blonde's Free Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kinds, in a beautiful yellow shade similar to my hair. But this week, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! "Helllooooo? It's been a year," I told him! There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He didn't call back. Guess I won that stupid argument

Blonde Joke
A blonde goes into the police department to apply for a secretarial job.The Chief wants to ask her a few questions.... Chief: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Chief: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Chief: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Chief: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Blonde Joke To End All, Lol
FINALLY...THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay , you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop"

Blonde
How a blonde handles an emergency stop. A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It was not very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergenc

Blonde Joke
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Blonde Cookbook
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He

Blondes
FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:- SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blond hands her the compact.The second one looks in the mirror and says, " You dummy, it's me!" `´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:- THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the

Blonde Guy Joke This Time
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... What took them so long! An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage

Blonde Logic
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, \"Which do you think is farther away.. Florida or the moon?\" The other blonde turns and says. \" Helloooooooooo. can you see Florida????\" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it far a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says \"What\'s the story?\" He replies, \"Just crap in the carburetor\" She asks, \"How often do I have to do that?\" \'\'\'\'\'\' RIVER WALK There\'s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite band. \"You-hoo!\" she shouts. \"How can I get to the other side:\" The second blonde looks up the river then then down the river and shouts back. \"You ARE on the oter side.\" **** BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, and American , and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, \"We were the first in space!\" The American said, \"

The Blonde
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from >the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, >sweating and panting. > >"What's up?" she asks. > >"I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. > >The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, >her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is >hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" > >The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right >past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her >sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. > >"You rotten bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack,and >you're running around naked scaring t

Blonde With Flat
A blonde gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases her car over to the shoulder of the road. Our blonde carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two life-sized cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The cardboard men are in trench coats, both exposing themselves to oncoming traffic. Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up with rubber neckers. It wasn't very long before a police officer arrived. The Officer, clearly enraged, approached our disabled blonde yelling, "What in the world is going on here?!" "My car broke down, Officer, I have a flat tire." she says calmly. The officer asks, "Well...what's with these obscene cardboard men here by the road?!" She replied, "Oh...those are just my emergency flashers!" :-)

Blonds
FINALLY, A BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES... A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car And was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The Blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through Her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it Look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and Handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then Handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Blonde Hair Vs Whatever Color My Hair Is Now
My dad and I got into a fight about my hair, lol. He thinks I should stop dyin it but if i do then my hair color will come back n that makes me a blonde. But i hate bein a blonde, idk what to do , shall i keep dyin it or let te blonde come back in.....

Blonde Men Joke
Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says: "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Blonde Joke...........
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He th! en to ok her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Blonde Joke And Yes I Am
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there or awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke? The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a ery deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a Professional weightlifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional Wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna Tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." -

The Blonde Cookbook
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, Lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicke

The Blonde From Alabama
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice, and yelled, "Come on, baby.....Southern Girl needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed "YES!! YES!! I WON!! I WON!!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching." Moral --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men ARE still men.

Blond In Trouble - Lol
BLOND IN TROUBLE A blond was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blond, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blond went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blond, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blond told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ... "HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows!"

Blonde Sky Divers
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Blonde
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But, I always buy it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the container........."TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TV dinner still cooling?

Blonde
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have." He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

Blonde And The Lord
THE BLONDE AND THE LORD A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and, finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved farther down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now worried, moved clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward, and asked, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?" The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK"

Blond Car Accident
Blonde Car Accident One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

The Blonde Vasectomy
A blonde couple, both bonified definate blondes, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision--why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

Blonde Pilot
Tale of a blonde pilot............. A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the o nly one available was a solo-helicopter. The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio. So, up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was going smoothly. At 3,000 feet, the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The instructor jumped into his Jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. "What happened"? the instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then"? "Well," began the blonde. "I got cold, so I turned off the ceiling fan."

Blonde Logic
BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?

Blonde In Florida
Blonde in Florida A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?" The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead ga

Blonde Joke 2....lmao!!!!!!
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed......... ..... "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

Blond Or Black?
So i'm getting pretty tired of my blond hair... and i was kind of thinking it to put it back to black but i don't know anyway i posted a pic with my black hair tell me what u think? blond or black ? could really use some help cause if i'm going to redye it it's most probably going to be this weekend PAY WEEKEND I'M GETTING DRUNK TONIGHT!!! WHO'S IN? Raven

A Blonde Finally Wins
A Blonde Finally Wins A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a wo

Blonde In Starbucks
Blonde in Starbucks.... A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?" But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize. The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads... (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !) "W I N A B A G E L"

Blonde's Year In Review
January - Took new scarf back to store, because it was too tight. February - Was fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels......."Helloooooo !!! bottles won't fit in the typewriter!!" Sheesh!! March - Got really excited, finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!!" April - Trapped on a escalator for hours...power went out!! May - Tried to make koolaid....wrong instructions...8 cups of water wont fit into those little packages!!! June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope... July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition..learned later that other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!! August - Got locked out of my car in a rain storm...car swamped because the soft-top was open. September - The Capital of California is "C"..isnt it?? October - Hate M n M's...they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 & a half days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound..and I weigh 97 lbs !! December - Couldn

A Blonde Joke.. ...
A Russian, an American and a blonde were talking in a bus one day... The Russian says, "We were the first in space! To which the American says, "We were the first on the moon! THe blonde says, "So what? We are going to be first on the sun...!!!! The Russian and the American look at each other and shake their heads...... "You can't land on the sun, you idiot !!! You will burn up.." says the Russian. To which the blonde replies....."We're not idiots, you know, we're going to land at night!"

Blondes Are Cute...
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came In and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and Another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You Know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need A new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this Piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and In the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which Had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and Said, "Of course, it's right there." . . . . . . .. . Want to see a 710 ?? . . . . . . . . http://www.winthelotto.net/710.jpg

Blond Men Do Exist
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As the sheriff is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like that?" The Cowboy says: "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants . so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts .. so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now, go to town cowboy... ", and ....here I am." Son of a Gun !!!!!, Blond Men DO exist

The Blonde And The Deodorant
(no offense to any of my friends!) The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

Blonde Jokes
There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well then I'll go at night." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the Blonde woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't

Blonde Degrees
FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blond), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200> miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´` SECOND DEGREE Two blonds are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blond says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blond hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, " You dummy, it's me!" `´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´* THIRD DEGREE A blond suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she

Blond Flat Tire Procedures...
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer. "Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

Blonde Joke
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Clause were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill laying on the ground. Which one picked it up? The dumb blonde, There's no such thing as a smart blonde, and there's no such thing as Santa!

Blond Guy Joke
If you are offended I am sorry, but this is just to funny to pass up! I have a blond guy joke: A blond, a Mexican and an Irish man were working building a highrise. The Mexican opens his lunch and says "Tacos again! If I have tacos one more day i am going to jump off this building." The Irish man opens his lunch and says "Corned Beef again. If I have corned beef one more day I am going to jump off this building." The blond guy opens his lunch and says "Bologna again! If I have Bologna one more day I am going to jump off this building." Well the next day comes and they are at lunch again. The Mexican opens his lunch and sees that its taco and jumps to his death. The Irish man opens his lunch and sees that he has corned beef again and jumps to his death. The blond man opens his lunch and sees he has Bologna again and jumps to his death. At the funeral the Mexicans wife shakes her head and says "If I only knew he didn't want tacos I would have given him so

Blonde Moment
So I was on cherry and a new request came in from Two Tons Of Fun (Bruce). Nice guy, pretty funny in fact. So I was rating his pictures and all of a sudden I got Error: you've reached the photo rating limit for your user level. I said that can't be! I know I haven't rated that many pics! So I apologized to Bruce and said that I was cut off. So this haunted me. WTF?? I approved the next person and tried to rate his picture and it rated! I said HUH!!?? So I went back to Bruce's page and he had on his pictures Error:you've reached the daily photo limit for your user limit. I said DAMN!! I haven't had a blonde moment in some time and this is it! God Bless Blondes!!

Blonde Jokes
Blonde LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.......... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you SEE Florida ...?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She Says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and th en today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the

Blonde??
Blonde LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.......... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you SEE Florida ...?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She Says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and th en today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the oth

A Blonde's Year In Review!
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said '2-4 years!' April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimmin competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open. September -! The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December - Couldn't call 9

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!" Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........ A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars." "I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%... No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure. Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone? Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham." (ringing) Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..." Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbar

Blondes Again
Did you hear about the blonde that... 1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. 2.Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. 3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter. 4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years" 5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. 6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. 7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C" 8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries. 9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125. 10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. 11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel. 12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree. 13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good u

Blond Joke
I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" Then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly stressed out." Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office... When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!" (You're gonna love this....) . . . . . . . She said, "I'm going home, too. I c

Blonde Jokes..sorry I Thought They Were Funny!
~~~~L~~~~ She Was Sooo Blonde... * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius." She Was Soooooo Blonde... * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." She was Sooooooooo Blonde.. * She tripped over a cordless phone. * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She was Soooooooooooo Blonde... * She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money. * When she missed bus #44, she took bus #22 twice instead. * When she went to the airport and saw a sign t

A Blonde Joke!!
A BLONDE'S CAR GETS A FLAT TIRE ON THE INTERSTATE ONE DAY SO SHE EASES IT OVER ONTO THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD. SHE CAREFULLY STEPS OUT OF THE CAR AND OPENS THE TRUNK. SHE THEN TAKES OUT TWO CARDBOARD MEN, UNFOLDS THEM AND STANDS THEM AT THE REAR OF THE VEHICLE FACING ONCOMING TRAFFIC. THE LIFELIKE CARDBOARD MEN ARE IN TRENCH COATS>EXPOSING THEIR NUDE BODIES TO APPROACHING DRIVERS... NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE TRAFFIC BECAME SNARLED AND BACKED UP. IT WASN'T VERY LONG BEFORE A POLICE CAR ARRIVES. THE OFFICER, CLEARLY ENRAGED, APPROACHES THE BLONDE OF THE DISABLED VEHICLE YELLING, "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" "MY CAR BROKE DOWN, OFFICER" SAYS THE WOMAN, CALMLY. "WELL, WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE OBSCENE CARDBOARD PICTURES DOING HERE BY THE ROAD?!" ASKS THE OFFICER... "HELLLLLOOOOO, TH OSE ARE MY EMERGENCY FLASHERS!" SHE REPLIES

The Blonde's Glossary Of Medical Terms
Artery. . . . . . . . . . . . . Study of Painting Bacteria. . . . . . . . . . . . Back door to the cafeteria Barium. . . . . . . . . . . . . What doctors do when treatment fails Bowel . . . . . . . . . . . . . A letter like A, E, I, O, or U Caesarean Section . . . . . . . A district in Rome Catheter. . . . . . . . . . . . String instruments Cat Scan. . . . . . . . . . . . Searching for kitty Cauterize . . . . . . . . . . . Made eye contact with her Colic . . . . . . . . . . . . . A sheep dog Congenital. . . . . . . . . . . Friendly D & C . . . . . . . . . . . . . Where the White House is Dilate. . . . . . . . . . . . . To live long Enema . . . . . . . . . . . . . Not a friend Fester. . . . . . . . . . . . . Quicker Fibula. . . . . . . . . . . . . Small lie Genital . . . . . . . . . . . . Non Jewish G I Series. . . . . . . . . . . Soldier baseball Grippe. . . . . . . . . . . . . Suitcase Hangnail. . . . . . . . . . . . Coat hook H

Blondie Gets Drunk!
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel, and there was a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She turned red, and replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"

Blonde (don't Get Pissed..its Just Funny) Poem #5
scientists now say that peroxides to blame. it seeps past their roots and into their brain. she's all shapes and sizes, with one fatal flaw. she has less in her head, and more in her bra. on singular thoughts, she is fantastic to multitask her brain, she'd blow a gasket. a cars a lethal weapon when blonde's on the gas. Stay off the sidewalks, she'll run over your ass. lipstick on the steering wheel when traffics in the street. everytime the car stops, she's found in the back seat. blondes all go out early, and always come home late. here's a couple tips for you, when blonde is your date. flowers get you first base, candies your half way home. dinner gets your zipper down, and diamonds get you blown. try as she might, you will always deceive her. for the world's smartest blond is a golden retriever. ps.... come on ladies....it's just a poem...joke if you will. something light hearted....please don't get ill.

The Blonde & The Heart Attack
(no offense intended needless to say) A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!"

The Blonde's Been Robbed!
The Blonde's Been Robbed! A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes." Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again. "Never mind", giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Blonde Joke
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged,approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the officer. "Helllllooooo.... those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

Blonde In Starbucks....
Blonde in Starbucks.... A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?" But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize. The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads... (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !) "W I N A B A G E L"

Blond In Starbucks....
Blonde in Starbucks.... A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?" But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize. The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads... (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !) "W I N A B A G E L"

Blonde Waitress
BLONDE WAITRESS A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is .. an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker looked at the bowl of beans and thought to himself -- oh no, another idiot blonde -- so he asked, "What in the world are these beans for, Blondie?" She smugly replied, "Oh, I just thought while you were waiting for your flat tires, headlights and run

Blond Waitress
BLONDE WAITRESS A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is .. an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker looked at the bowl of beans and thought to himself -- oh no, another idiot blonde -- so he asked, "What in the world are these beans for, Blondie?" She smugly replied, "Oh, I just thought while you were waiting for your flat tires, headlights and run

Blond Joke
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words.1 She says, "I just graduated from Brigham Young University and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees and beg for her forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees and beg for her forgiveness, and release her. The last one, a blonde,

A Blonde At The Repair Shop
A Blonde at the Repair Shop A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman,noticing that the woman was a blonde,decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this,the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent,but it's not really working." "Duh.You have to roll up the windows first!"

Blonde Buys A Ticket To Atlanta
Blonde Buys a Ticket To Atlanta A blonde buys a plane ticket to altanta.(It's a coach ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class. The steward who checks tickets says,"I'm so sorry,this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class." "I can do What-eva I want,I'm a blonde."Well i'll get the pilot. The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says,"What did you say?" The pilot simple says,"I told her 1st class wasn't going to altanta, just coach was!!!"

The Blonde And The Frog
A young blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions." The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upse

Blond
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?" The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gat

Blonde Guy
"An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,"Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a b urrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" "The Mexican's wife also wep

Blondes
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get It started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..." He sighed................ "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.

Blonde Jokes
Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt. 'Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday Tee-shirt on Monday?' 'Oh HECK !' the blonde says, 'I thought it meant Tits Go In Front.' Why did the blonde turn around and go home when she got to the airport to catch her flight? She saw a sign that said "Airport Left"

The Blonde Painter
The Blonde Painter This blonde, Christina decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her boyfriend Steve that blondes really are smart. While Steve is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after Steve leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her boyfriend arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his girlfriend lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur c

Blonde Cowboy!
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff .. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her... so I did." "We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did." "Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants .... so I did." "Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did." "Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy...." "And here I am."

Blondebitch & Bondage Bitch Using Barbara Baines Pics
http://www.fakersbusted.com/database/females/ref00263.html http://barb.hozt.org/ the real girls site now we have 2 profiles with somebody using Barbara's pictures Bondage Bitch@ fubar blondebitch@ fubar hell look at the nickname blondebitch uh HELLO the girl is a brunette!!! if that doesn't give ya a clue nothing will.

Blonde In The Elevator
Blonde gets up the in morning and is sooooooo thankful it’s FRIDAY! She heads to work…parks the car….goes into the building and waits for the elevator. Nice looking gentleman is waiting also, so the blonde says to him “T-G-I-F”! “S-H-I-T” he responds back. “How rude!!” she thinks to herself. They enter the elevator together and she says once again “T-G-I-F”. Again he responds “S-H-I-T” She looks at him and retorts…”What is your problem….Thank God It’s Friday!!” He looks at her, shakes his head and replies….. “Sorry Honey It’s Thursday”!!

The Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed......... ....... "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

Blonde Joke
Homer walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Homer says,"You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Homer replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again." Homer took the money

Blonde In The Boat
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Blonde Redhead Martini
Ingredients: * 3/4 oz Vanilla Stoli * 1/4 oz Chambord * 1 1/2 oz dry champagne * 1 1/2 oz 7-up * Splash of lemon juice * Pink-tinted sugar * Chilled martini glass * Pink grapefruit slices Martini shaker Method Place pink sugar on flat plate. Run the edge of grapefruit slice around the rim of the chilled martini glass and then dip the moistened rim into the mixture and rotate the glass until evenly coated. Set aside while making the martini. In a martini shaker with ice, add vanilla Stoli and Chambord; shake well. Pour into chilled martini glass. Top off with champagne and 7-up. Squeeze in a splash of lemon. Garnish with a slice of pink grapefruit. Notes: Multiply ingredients by number of martinis being made. Number of servings: 1

Blonde Cop
A blonde woman is speeding down the road in her little red sports car and is pulled over by a female police officer who is also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She digs through her purse and gets progressively more agitated. "What does the license look like?" she finally asks The policewoman replies, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The blonde driver finally finds a square mirror, looks at it and hands it to the blonde policewoman. "Here it is," she says. The blonde officer looks at the mirror, then hands it back saying, "Okay, you can go. Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop."

The Blonde And The Lord
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?" The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

The Blonde's Medical Exam
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully, with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

Blond Joke
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? > The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. > >The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. > The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house. > >The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead >planned to >leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go >with >

Blond Joke
NEW BLONDE JOKE > > > Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. >Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls >decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. >After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she >know >they went home early? > >The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little >gardening, >spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. > >The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the >spa >before meeting a dinner date. > >The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but >when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. >Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to >see >her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and >crept >out of her house. > >The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead >planned to >leave early again, and

Blonde Jokes
Not meant to offend.. some of my best friends are blonde.... Making Orange Juice A beautiful blonde woman and her husband were at home one night. The husband notices his wife standing in front of the fridge with the freezer section open. She is standing there with a dead pan look on her face STARING into the freezer. Her husband watches her awhile. She continues standing, not moving, not blinking, just staring into the freezer compartment! Finally after 10 minutes of witnessing her staring and staring straight into the freezer he can take no more. He says to his beautiful blonde wife "Honey, What in the hell are you doing?" She says, "Making orange juice." "Making orange juice?" he asks her baffled. "Yes", she says, "It says, 'concentrate' on the can!" The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a

Blonde Joke Lol
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It 's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Blonde Redhead Martini
ngredients: * 3/4 oz Vanilla Stoli * 1/4 oz Chambord * 1 1/2 oz dry champagne * 1 1/2 oz 7-up * Splash of lemon juice * Pink-tinted sugar * Chilled martini glass * Pink grapefruit slices Martini shaker Method Place pink sugar on flat plate. Run the edge of grapefruit slice around the rim of the chilled martini glass and then dip the moistened rim into the mixture and rotate the glass until evenly coated. Set aside while making the martini. In a martini shaker with ice, add vanilla Stoli and Chambord; shake well. Pour into chilled martini glass. Top off with champagne and 7-up. Squeeze in a splash of lemon. Garnish with a slice of pink grapefruit. Notes: Multiply ingredients by number of martinis being made. Number of servings: 1

Blonde Cookbook
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I d

Blonde Year In Review
A Blonde's Year in Review. January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days

Blonde Jokes
Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.' Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house. ========================================== A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, Silly,' the blonde said, 'fir

Blonde Diet
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping."

Blonde Year
A REVIEW OF BLONDE THINGS TO DO EACH MONTH January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter. March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years". April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms. August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down. September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C." October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.

Blonde Prays
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."

The Blonde Police Car
A blonde and a brunette are driving in a car down a freeway. The brunette sees a police car in the rear view mirror. She asks the blonde to turn around and see if the police cars' lights are on. The blonde turns around and replys "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

Blonde City Worker
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

Blonde Worker # 2
A Woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige,very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up"! The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green s

Blonde Joke Anyone?
A gorgeous redhead goes into the doctor's office and says her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams. then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams, then she pushes on her thigh and more screaming. Pushes her ankle, more screams and everywhere she touches makes her scream. The Doctor says, "You're not really a redhead are you" "Well, no", she says. "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says, "Your finger is broken."

Blonde Pregnancy
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, "what the heck?", and I starting jumping up and down along with her.She said, "I have some really great news!" I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more!" I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... (You're going to love this!) Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

Blonde‏
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have.' He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.' He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have. The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite,baby.' He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He Catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was.'

Blonde Puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a Nice cup of tea, and then ..." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . .. . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Blonde Buyin Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet. Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am Automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year...namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! "Helllooooo, it's been a year!" I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just Hung up...he hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate my intelligence again.

Blonde At Doctors
"Please remove your blouse and bra," says the doctor to the young blonde, placing his stethoscope around his neck. When she is ready, the doc says, "Big breaths." "Yeth," she replies, "and I'm only thixthteen!"

Blonde Southerners...
> Southern Women > > Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. > > A very attractive blonde woman from North Carolina arrived and bet > twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. > > She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play > topless." > > With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, > "Come on, baby... Southern Girl needs new clothes!" > > As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and > squealed.."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" > > She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings and > her clothes, and quickly departed. > > The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. > > Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?? > > The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching." > > Moral of the Story: > > Not all Southerners are stupid. > Not all blondes are dumb. > But, all men..... are men.

Blondes May Have More Fun But Redheads Have More Sex.
Blondes may have more fun but redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany. The study by Hamburg Sex Researcher Professor Dr Werner Habermehl looked at the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared them with their hair colour. He said: "The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair colour, with more partners and having sex more often than the average. The research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation." He added that women who dyed their hair red from another colour were signalling they were looking for a partner, and added: "Even women in a fixed relationship are letting their partners know they are unhappy if they dye their hair red. They are saying that they are looking for something better." Psychologist Christine Baumanns said however that it may not be the women who were to blame for the better sex lives of redheads. She said: "Red stands for passion and when a man

Blonde Joke
Bob , a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob , saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.

Blonde On Blonde
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?' Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

Blonde Sex Jokes
BLONDE SEX JOKES Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck. Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store? A: They are both 10¢ a screw! Submitted by: Claude Wimberly Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme! Submitted by: Ian R. Almond Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? A: To put their feet through. Q: What's a brunette's mating call? A: Has that blonde gone yet? A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? A3:

Blonde Joke
Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect. "Easy, " she replied. "He only has one eye." The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. "He only has one ear, " was her answer. "What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer." After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's wearing contact lenses." This took the chief by surprise. He looked real

Blonde's Year In Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. *********** February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!! !.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!! ! *********** March - Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!" *********** April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... Power went out!!! *********** May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.... .wrong instructions. ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! *********** June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn' t find a lake with a slope. *********** July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. ....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! *********** August - Got locked out of my car in rainstorm... ..car swamped because soft-top was open. *********** September - The capital of California is "C".....isn' t it??? *********** October - Hate M &M's.....they are s

Blondes Dumb ????
Blondes dumb?!?!? After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot,so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."

The Blonde Flirt
The Blonde Flirt by searching4soul © It was another sleepless night for me, nothing new, as usual I found myself at one of the few places that stays open 24 hours, the dreaded superstore. I loathed coming here, it is always the same thing; cheap crap no one really needs at prices everyone can afford. The only reason I ever ended up here was because of my insomnia. The only positive thing about the place was the bar crowd usually ended up here at 3 when the bars closed, which meant good looking drunk chicks stumbling through the store. But not tonight, tonight I was earlier than usual and I was wanting to get the hell out of here. I first saw her as I was looking at a clearance rack of clothing, she was a tall girl, but that could have been because of her black high heels, with shoulder length blonde hair. It was more of a dishwater blonde than anything, and I'll be honest I didn't get a good look at her face because I was sizing her up. She was wearing a one-piece black dress, some

Blonde's Cookbook
Blonde’s Cookbook Monday: It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden? Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. Saturday: Bob did the shoppin

Blonde's Year In Review
Blonde's Year in Review: January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't cal

Blonde Joke....
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.' Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?' The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.' Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.' He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . .. . (scroll down) 'Let's put all the Corn

Blonde
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?

Blonde Jokes
BLONDE JOKES..... Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Magnolia...I think I'll paint the ceiling magnolia." ************************************************* Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." ************************************************* Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. ************************************************* Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. ************************************************* Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change ************************************************* Q: How does a blonde high-5? A:

Blonde Genie
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET A BLONDE GENIE? A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp parially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills. Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's th e two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one," I can understand the first wish having all t

Blonde
A blondes first football game! Funny Body: A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

A Blonde Is Overweight
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.' When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. 'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor says. 'Did you follow my instructions?' The blonde nods. 'I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.' 'From hunger, you mean?' said the doctor. 'No, from skipping,' replied the blonde.

Blonde Joke
One day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding ma'me.....could I see your drivers license...? "...Whats a license...???" replied the blonde. instantly giving away the fact that she was as a stump. Its usually in your wallet... replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration!!! Asked the cop. Registration....whats that...?asked the blonde. Its usually in your glove compartment said the cop impatiently after some more fumbling she found the registration. Ill be back in a minute.. the cop said and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration. After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman drivi

Blonde And The Sheepherder
Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. That's a nice flock of sheep. she said. Well thank you.", said the herder. Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman. Okay.", replied the herder. I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. Sure.", said the sheep herder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied,382". Wow.", said the herder. That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, Okay, now I have a pr

The Blonde Waitress Gets Even
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the Kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat Tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think This place is . An auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of Headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of Crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then Spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, Headlights And running boards, you might as well gas up!" FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!

The Blonde's Flat Tire On The Interstate
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the Blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here? "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer.. "Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers.

Blonde Bumper Stickers
Us blondes aren't dumb Not all dumbs are blonde You have such beautiful blonde hair - why in the world did you dye your roots black? If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde I am NOT a dumb blonde! (attached upside down) To entertain a blone look below (top) - To entertain a blonde look above (bottom) Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel (Excuse Me... I have blonde root syndrome) When blondes have more fun, do they know it? BLONDE if you're HONK!! Your village called; they want their blonde back. I might be a dumb blonde but I am good at speling. I suffer from BRS: Blonde Root Syndrome If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at the blondes! Did you hear about the blonde that tripped over her cordless phone? We got our dumb reputation from the brunettes who dyed their hair. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? What does a blonde say when you blow into her ear? "Thanks f

The Blonde & The Sex Frogs
Frogs - $20 A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She

The Blonde Cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy, coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for Indecent Exposure. As he is locking him up, the Sheriff asks him, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road, when this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her, and so I did... We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of hot and sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy... And so here I am." Blonde Men do exist.

The Blonde
A man took his blonde girlfriend to a football game. They had the best seat in the house behind his favourite team. It was a fantastic game, his team winning by a large margin. In his joy of happiness, the man turned to his girlfriend and asked "did you enjoy the game?"......"Oh yes" she replied 'I really really loved it - the tight pants, the bulging muscles. But I dont understand why they were trying to kill each other over 25 cent". The man gave her a puzzling look and asked her what she meant. "Well" she said "once the coin was tossed they spent the whole game shouting GET THE QUARTER BACK, GET THE QUARTER BACK...It was only 25 cent" hehehehe. Any blondes reading this... I'm sorry I just couldnt resist this one.

Blond Gets Bank Loan‏
A blond walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blond hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the blond returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and

A Blonde Year In Review
> >THE BLONDE YEAR IN REVIEW > > January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too > tight. > > > February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles >wouldn't > fit into the typewriter. > > > March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months > because the box said "2-4 years." > > > April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went > out. > > May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit > Into those little packets. > > June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a > lake with a slope. > > July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, > complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their > arms. > > August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into > their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to > rain and the top was down. > > September

Blonde Jokes
BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then

Blonde's Year In Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. *********** February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!! !.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!! ! *********** March - Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!" *********** April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... Power went out!!! *********** May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.... .wrong instructions. ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! *********** June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. *********** July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. ....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! *********** August - Got locked out of my car in rainstorm... ..car swamped because soft-top was open. *********** September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? *********** October - Hate M &M's.....th

Blonde Guy Joke
The first blond guy joke ! The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait! An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of

Blondie-call Me
Color me your color, baby. Color me your car. Color me your color, darling. I know who you are. Come up off your color chart. I know where you're coming from. Call me (call me) on the line. Call me, call me any anytime. Call me(call me)I'll arrive. You can call me any day or night. Call me! Cover me with kisses, baby. Cover me with love. Roll me in designer sheets. I'll never get enough. Emotions come, I don't know why. Cover up love's alibi. Call me (call me) on the line. Call me, call me any anytime. Call me (call me)I'll arrive. When you're ready we can share the wine. Call me. Ooh, he speaks the languages of love. Ooh, amore, chiamami (chiamami). Ooh, appelle-moi, mon cheri (appelle-moi). Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, anyway! Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any day! Call me (call me) in my life. Call me, call me any anytime. Call me (call me) au revoir. Call me, call me for some overtime. Call me (call me) in my life. Call me, call me any sweet

Blonde Jigsaw Puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..... " he said (with a deep sigh), .. . ... . .. .. (scroll down) "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box

Blonde Joke
The other day my neighbour,who is a blonde,came running up my driveway jumping for joy. I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her. She said, "I have some really great news!" I said, "Great.Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her,"That's great. I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'? She said, "Well,we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,I asked her how she knew. She said....(You're going to love his!) "Well, that was the easy part.I went to the chemist and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack and both tests came out positive!"

The Blonde And The Cute Sheep
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!" The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?"

Blonde Guy Joke
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait! An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned

Blonde On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
A blond named Barbara appeared on Who Wants to be a Millionaire.... Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far, $500,000 and one lifeline left--phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever million dollars if you get it right.... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000...are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go." Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it... A-Robin, B-Sparrow, C-Cuckoo or D-Thrush Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars." Barbara: "Oh, gees, that's simple.... it’s a cuckoo." Regis: "You're sure? You can stick on $500,000 or play on for the million." Barbara: "I want to play; I'll go with C-Cuckoo." Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Barbara: "It is" Regis: "Are you confident?" Barbara: "Absolutely" Regis: "Barbara, you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo. Well....you're right! You have just won 1 MILLION DOLLARS!!!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real g

Blondes And Cell Phones
I went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a blonde girl from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."

The Blonds Of The Year (no Offense) Lol
Oh those blonds Blonde's Year in Review January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions sa

Blonde Jokes :)
People like to send them :) One winter morning a couple is listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. We are asking everyone to park their car on the even-numbered side of the street, so there is room for the snowplows to get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. Today you must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car to the odd- numbered side. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park .......... Then the power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do! Which side of the street do I n

Blonde Jokes
Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. You can't, they have always been like that. Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat? A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make? A. A wind tunnel. Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner. Q. How does a blonde try to kill a fish? A. She drowns it. Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. Q. How does a blonde part their hair? A. By doing the splits. Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? A. Nothing, they haven't met! Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because that'

The Blonde Lady Driver
The Blonde Lady Driver A state trooper was driving along in the country when he noticed a small black coupe swerving all over the lonely back road. He put on his flashers and pulled the car over. Hopping out of his cruiser, he then approached the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?" The blonde replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."

Blonde Logic
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.. Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????' CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW in to a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'. She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKETA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other

Blonde Cookbookþ
See....blondes really do have more fun! LOL MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY Bill wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bill brought a friend home for supper WEDNESDAY A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY Today Bill asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Bill asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.. FRIDAY I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY Bill did th

A Blonde's Year In Review
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours....power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because convertible top was open. September The capital of the state of California is "C".....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's.....th

Blonde Jokes
Two Brothers Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life. As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities. One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife. One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven." God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere." "I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish

Blonde Jokes
Bodybuilder and the Blonde A body builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was." ========================================================= Hailstorm A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a re

Blonde Guy
The first blond guy joke ! The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait! An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of

Blonde Joke
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able t

A Blond's Year In Review
A Blonde's Year in Review January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound an

Blonde Interrogation!
Blonde Interrogation! > > > A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows them a picture, then hides it. > > "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" > > The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" > > The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." > > Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" > > The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" > > The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" > > Extremely frustrated at this point, he sho

Blondes
A Blonde's Year in Review! January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ...Helllloooo!! ...bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited ...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ...box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool Aid ...wrong instructions ...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing but couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition ... learned later the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... car swamped because soft top was open. September The capital of California is "C" ...isn't it??? October Hate M&M's ...they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! Dece

Blonde Joke
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then...," he said with a deep sigh, "let's put all the corn flakes back in the box." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blonde Vs Brunette
Ok im goin thru my jokes and i got two i want to know which is the better one... its blond vs brunette here... A) A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. B) A Russian, an American, and a Brunette were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The

A Blonde Joke
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." He sighed................ "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

Blonde Handywoman
Blonde Handywoman > > >> A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do > > neighborhood. > > >> She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. > > >> "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" > > >> The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" > > >> The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. > > >> The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" > > >> He responded, "Th at's a bit cynical, isn't it?" > > >> A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. > > >> "You're finished already?"the husband asked! > > >> "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." > > >>

Blonde Cowboy (son-of-a-gun)
Blonde Cowboy (son-of-a-gun) The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt . so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... so Idid. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts .. so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy...." And here I am. Son of a Gun, Blonde Men do exist.

Blonde City Girl
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries an Idaho rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one...right here." The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know.....how would YOU know this is the cow to be bred?" "That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?" The blonde turns to walk away, and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to

Blonde In First Class
A blonde walks into the airplane and sits in 1st Class and the stewardess asks her for her ticket. The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket. The blonde says, “I’m a cute looking blonde and I’m flying first class.” The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta…. The blonde then retorts, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class”. Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening…. The blonde tells him, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class…. The captain whispers in her ear…and the blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin… The stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so fast.. He replied, “I told her that 1st class is not going to Atlanta.”

Blonde Joke
Blonde Joke (if you're a blond, don't take offense, simply substitute "nurse" for where it says "blond") A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidently cut off the tail of her cat, who was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Wal-Mart. Why Wal-Mart you ask ... ??? Well DUH! Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in the world!

Blonde Story
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump." The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money...

Blonde Jokes
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright, they're grand. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB? A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked

A Blonde's Year In Review
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said '2-4 years!' April Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December Couldn't call 911 . 'd

Blonde Joke
BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . . . scroll down now "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Blonde
A guy walks in and sits down at the end of the bar. Just a few seats down from him, there is a very buxom blonde with huge size 44DD breasts. The guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off. Each time he calls for a beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the battender out. The next time the bartender hits her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts...AND SHE DECKS HIM!!!. He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning, "Jeez...then why do you let the bartender do it?" Get ready...here it comes......... "Because," says the blonde, "he has a licker license!"

Blonde?
Blonde MomentsTAKE THIS SURVEY! Answer YES or NO- 18 or less Blonde Moments makes you a smart blonde Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. y Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. n You have ran into a glass or screen door. n You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. n You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks. y You have ran into a tree. n It IS possible to lick your elbow n You just tried to lick your elbow. n You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm. n You just tried to sing them. n You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. y You have choked on your own spit. y You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it. n You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice y You just looked at it. y Your hair is blonde or dirty blonde. n People have called you slow. y You have accidentally caught something on fire n You tried to

A Blondes Year In Review
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!!........bottles won't fit in printer!!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "4-6 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing........couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1

Blondes?????
Subject: BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws,and while there she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding he rbrains in for over an hour.The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough onthe back of her head.A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded li

Blond Snow Removal
One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Ohio were Listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are Going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must Park your car on the Even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved Her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio Announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so The snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved Her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio Announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife Was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I Need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the l

A Blonde School Girl
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because y ou're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" no dea

Blonde Joke
a blonde is driving down the road. she glances out the window and sees another blonde in a rowboat out in the middle of a wheat field. the 1st blonde stops her car and gets out. she puts her hans to her mouth and hollers "it's blondes like u that give us a bad name. if i could swim, i'd go and kick your ass!"

The Blonde And The Body Builder
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!' He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.' He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have! The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.' He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!!!!!

~~~blonde Bar Chicks~~~
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler." "Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nope... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"

Blonde
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards." The brand new, blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon. "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?" I LOVE THIS ONE.......... She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!" FOR ONCE, THE BLONDE GETS EVEN AND HAS THE LAST WORD!

The Blonde And God
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many Books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary Tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to Make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, A voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, Poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet Another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to The opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once More and tried again to cut hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " IS THAT YOU LORD? " The voice replied, " NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

Blonde ?
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazem

Blonde Moments
Blonde MomentsTAKE THIS SURVEY! Answer YES or NO- 18 or less Blonde Moments makes you a smart blonde Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. No Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. No You have ran into a glass or screen door. Yes You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. No You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks. Yes You have ran into a tree. Yes It IS possible to lick your elbow No You just tried to lick your elbow. No You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm. You gotta be kidding me!!?? You just tried to sing them. Don't have to You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. Shoelaces No But i like to trip over my feet, or just random things :o You have choked on your own spit. No You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it. No You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice I honestly missed it. You just looked at it

Blonde Joke
Subject: Blonde Joke Like Mother Like Daughter There were 3 girls in high school, they were all best friends and they're moms were all best friends as well, one mom was blonde, one mom was brunette, and the other had black hair. So one night, the moms are all sitting around talking, and the Brunette says, ''I found a cigarette butt in my daughters trash can, I can't believe she smokes.'' The mom with Black Hair looks over and says, ''Well, I found a beer bottle in my daughters trashcan I can't believe she drinks.'' Then the blonde thinks for a moment and says, ''I found a condom in my daughters bed, I can't believe she has a dick.''

Blonde Moments Xd
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. [ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. [x] You have ran into a glass/screen door. [ ]You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. [x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks. [ ] You have ran into a tree. [ ] It IS possible to lick your elbow [x] You just tried to lick your elbow. [ ]You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm. [ ] You just tried to sing them. [x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. [ ] You have choked on your own spit. [x]You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it. [ ] You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice [x] You just looked at it. [x]Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde. [ ]People have called you slow. [x] You have accidentally caught something on fire [ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek. [ ]

Blonde On Horseback
hahaha no offense to blondes! A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider. Unfortunately, the blonde's foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head slams against the ground over and over again. As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune, the Woolworths Manager sees her and unplugs the horse.

Blondes...
Really do have more fun :) I am sitting here trying to figure out how the h**l to use this site, with bleach on my hair... so far I have found the blogs... lol thats it... Im new here, so drop me a line or add me as a friend....

The Blonde And The Puzzle
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

Blonde Sister
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck

Blonde Joke 1
Blonde Joke 1 by LateNiteFantasy© One balmy summer night my girl and I went out to park. The weather was just perfect and the moonless night was dark. The hugging and the kissing were so good they promised lots. And when the petting started, I could tell she had the hots. The back seat of my auto seemed to me to be okay For making love or fucking or whatever you might say. I whispered to her telling her the back seat was divine. She shook her blonde head, telling me, “Oh, no, up here is fine.” Our making out continued and I took off her brassiere And once again she told me what I didn’t want to hear. When I suggested that the back seat was the place to go You guessed it; she responded with a most emphatic no. Her dress was all unbuttoned and her nips were like a rock. Her panty crotch was soaking; she was playing with my cock. And once again I mentioned that the back seat would be good. And once again she told me that she didn’t think she would. I told he

Blonde Joke 2
Blonde Joke #2 by LateNiteFantasy© The blonde was mad; she said to me “The place I work is really bad. I fucked each guy they sent to me But now I find out I’ve been had. For years I worked and never once Complained of guys with little dicks, The whole night long I lie in bed And work my ass off turning tricks.” “But what is wrong?” I fin’ly asked “I thought you liked it, being laid.” “Because, I just found out today, The other girls are getting paid.” * * * * * I hope you like this little poem. I enjoy writing doggerel like this and if you like it too, I'd apprediate it if you'd let me know by voting and either leaving a personal comment or sending me an email. * * * * *

Blonde Joke 3
Blonde Joke #3 by LateNiteFantasy© An angry young blonde called the video store Complaining the tape didn't work any more, "I rented a movie about giving head, But it shows me nothing but static instead." "I don't understand," said the video clerk "But what is the name of the film that won't work?" "The name?" she responded, her voice getting meaner, "The box that it comes in tells me it's 'Head Cleaner'"

Blonde Joke 4
Blonde Joke #4 by LateNiteFantasy© Down the stairs she ambled with her swinging yellow hair Opened up her mailbox but she found no letters there. "Damn," she said and turned around and went upstairs, and then Minutes later, she returned and looked inside again. As the day went on, I saw her looking frequently. Since it was a Sunday, there was no delivery. I approached the lady, for she truly was a fox. Asked her why she kept on looking in the empty box. She replied by telling me someone was being wise, They had found a way to trick her right before her eyes. Programmed her computer so it told a lying tale Kept on misinforming her that she had gotten mail.

Blonde Joke 5
Blonde Joke #5 by LateNiteFantasy© The blonde had a problem; her tire went flat, She rolled to the shoulder and there the car sat. And out of the trunk, she extracted a man Of cardboard and stood him behind her sedan. The man was quite tall and his raincoat was long. In front it was open, displaying his dong. As drivers went by, they all slowed down to leer ‘Til traffic was tied up for miles to the rear. A highway patrolman then pulled up behind, And jumped out and claimed she was out of her mind For clogging up traffic so horribly tight By showing off such a deplorable sight. “Just what is that thing, so perverse and so bare? And why is it standing behind your car there? The blonde was surprised that the cop couldn’t see “Emergency flasher. What else would it be?”

Blonde Mortician
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing. ' The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly . She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

Blonde And Pregnant
Blonde and pregnant The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running Up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up And down along with her. She said, "I have some really great news!" I said, "Great, tell me why you're so happy." She stopped Jumping and, breathing heavily from all the Jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I Knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more?" She Said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are Going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting Pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Walmart and They actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

Blonde Father
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

Blondies So Easy You Will Love Them
1and a half cups packed brown sugar 1 and a half cups all purpose flour 1 stick butter unsalted (no subing) 2 large eggs beaten 1 teaspoon of vanilla half a teaspoon baking powder half a teaspoon of salt 1 cups chocolate chips(or whatever flavor u like ) preheat the oven to 350 grease a 9 x 13 baking dish (i use pam for baking its awesome) in the bowl add the brown sugar then cream it with the melted butter (a mixer works best for this) mix in the egg and vanilla in a seperate bowl mix together the flour and baking powder and salt slowly add it to the wet mix until completely mixed then fold the chips in pour in to the baking dish and bake for 25 to 30 minutes

Blonde Joke..or Is It?? Lol
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside? The blonde said it was hers. Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said. The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree. The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.' 'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.' The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!' (Your gotta love this) The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.

The Blonde Police Of
Three blondes are training to be police officers. The man who is training them takes out a picture and asks the first blonde, "What do you notice about the man in this picture?" The blonde says, "He only has one eye!". The man says "No, no, it's a side view." Then he says to the second blonde, "What do you notice about this man?" . The 2nd blonde says, "He only has one ear!". The man says "Hello, it's a side view! Geez!". So the man goes over to the last blonde and says, "What do you notice about this man?" . The final blonde says, "He wears contacts!" The man goes to the FBI computer and looks the man in the picture up - sure enough - he wears contacts! The man says, "How did you know that?" . The blonde says "Well, if he only has one eye and one ear, how can he wear glasses?"

A Blonde Joke
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?' Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?' He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.' Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked. 'Yes', the

4 Blondes By Candace Bushnell
Plot Summary: The author whose name is synonymous with her novel Sex and the City weighs in again with four loosely linked tales that form a sexually charged and withering analysis of how New York'sAand London'sAwomen work feverishly at their relationships, meanwhile trying desperately to make their names. In the first chapter, the bluntly scheming, semisuccessful model Janey Wilcox is in her 10th year of charming powerful, rich men into installing her in their Hamptons homes for the summer. The mutual benefits are obvious: the moguls get a gorgeous sex kitten to display and bed, while she summers in high style. When this arrangement leads to a few humiliating encounters, however, Janey tries her hand at screenwriting and attempts real estate school, but eventually she finds her fortune in a more realistic endeavor: a lucrative lingerie modeling contract. The next story features Winnie, a successful columnist married to a mediocre literary journalist. The victims of relentless ambition

A Blonde Moment In Michigan
A Blonde moment in Michigan ....... As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Linda & you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up & knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Linda, & you're losing some of your load!" Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light the same thing happens again. All out of breath the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Linda, & you're losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker re

The Blonde And Her Horses
There once was a blonde who had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she goes to her friend and says, "I have two horses and I just can't tell them apart." The friend suggested that she cut off one's mane. The blonde did, but the mane grew back. She goes to her friend again, and the friend suggested she cut off one of the horses' tails. The blonde did, but the tail grew back too fast. So she finally says to her friend, "I've tried all of your suggestions, but it just doesn't work." The friend suggests one more thing, that she measure them. The blonde went home, got a ruler, measured them, and went to her friend the next morning. The blonde tells her friend, "Oh, thank you! I can tell them apart!" "How?" asked the friend. The blonde tells her, "The black horse is taller than the white horse!"

Blonde
First Class Blonde A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section. The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here." After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here." The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrest

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Hi everybody This week I am releasing "Rat in the kitchen" which stars Jasmine Lau in hardcore action I have been called in as Jasmine has seen a rat in her kitchen so I lay the bait, put the trap down and tell her that we just have to wait until the rat comes out so she asks me if there is anything that will make the rat come out faster and I tell her that rats love the smell of sex! So Jasmine tells me she does not want to wait and drops to her knees, gets my cock out and starts to give me a deep throat blow job where she gags on my dick There is 14 minutes of video action and more that 80 photos To see the samples use this link http://www.jameswildfowler.com/tour24.html Or to see a video clip of the action use this link http://www.bangbull.com:80/details/65614 Enjoy James Wildfowler http://www.jameswildfowler.com

Blonde Girl
A blonde city girl marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the rancher says to her, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. The wife takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him,'This is the one, right here.' The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,'Tell me, lady,'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know this is the cow to be bred?' 'That's simple. By the nail over its stall,' she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?' She turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to h

Blonde Joke..
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her... so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt..so Idid. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts... so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... " And here I am. See, Blonde Men do exist.

(blonde) Joke
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!" Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

A Blonde, A Redhead, And Me
(Inspired by CookingForOne101's About Me section, thanks Steve!) I want to tell you a story.... This is a story about three gals: A Blonde, a Redhead, and me. When I lived in Massachusetts, the three of us were always together. One friend is a Swedish Blonde. Everywhere we go the men line up to speak to her and buy her drinks. My other friend is a Redhead. Everywhere we go the guys line up to see if her temper matches her hair, and if she is as wild as redhead rumors say. There was usually a friend for me. Not a blonde nor a redhead, just an average brunette content to enjoy the attention showed my friends. At the end of an average evening, we often exchanged phone numbers. The Swedish Blonde's guy held up her number like a trophy. The Redhead's guy held his number to his chest like a medal. The Swedish Blonde's guy always gets a wrong number. The Redhead's guy never gets a call back. My guy always gets my correct number and I always call back. The Swedish Blonde and th

Blonde Princess's Bulletin
~*Meet the beautiful,smart, and talented DJ AMELIA*~ ~dJ aMeLiA ~ Head Spinderella @ Pyroteknics~ ~*She is just too sweet not give some good lovin to*~ ~*C’mon now how can u not love that face people! Show this sexy mama some lovin*~ ~*Send her a rate a drink a hug I don’t care just send her some love and message me when your done for ur surprise*~

Blonde Princess
Wedding bells are ringing and you've been invited!! ~dJ aMeLiA And Fu Schnickens Cooridally invite you to join them today (6/24/08) as they become husband and wife. Please join them for the wedding at 11:30 am PST (2:30PM EST) in the Exotic Resort as they tie the knot. Be sure to also stop by and congratulate them and send them wishes of happiness and love. Please join the couple during this happy time. Click either photo to enter the lounge and be there as the wedding takes place.

Blondes
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????" A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts ba

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